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Six Ways Six Flags Can Be Saved

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That sound you hear is a disturbance in the Force. It's the sound of developers revving up their bulldozers as the chatter whispers new ownership of Six Flags / Magic Mountain and that ownership might turn the historic theme park into condos, ranch homes, McMansions and more sprawl.

With all the wealth in LA you'd think someone would know someone who has everything - except their own amusement park - and would want to buy the park that's home of more rollercoasters than any other in the world. Surely someone will stand up and say, "Hell no, I want to take my kids to the place where Kiss met the Phantom of the Park."

Here are six ways that Six Flags can avoid being leveled -

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1. Rename it Wallyworld and have a moose out front who on slow days hands out free two-liters of Diet Coke and Mentos to all the moms so they can perform experiments.

2. Build a LAN gaming center. Kids like to play computer games. It might be what's keeping them away from the amusement park, ironically so they can play games like Amusement Park Tycoon. But what they really love playing are games against their friends. So build a place with lots of computers where they can play each other. The purpose of discounted season passes is to encourage the kids to come back so you can sell them pop and crappy food. There is no better customer for pop and crappy food than teenage boys playing Halo2.

3. Turn some of the property into, omg, grass. You say you want families to come and enjoy the park, then give them a park where they can take a breather from the heat and the crazy rides and the lines. Build a park, plant trees, put a small lake in there.

4. Pretend that a modern-day amusement park with a water park and a season pass is the equivalent to the Funnest Country Club in town. Which it sorta is. the only thing it's missing is a golf course. So make the largest one in the world. It'll be easy since there will be 66 holes.

5. Get bands there that kids like. There used to be a time when Six Flags would score some sweet bands. The general attitude were they were teeny-bopper Top 40 types who would probably be embarrassed to be there. That can change quickly once good bands start playing there. Plus their audience isn't the same exact one that's already there.

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6. Have a two shuttle busses go from the park to the North Hollywood Metro station, and the Sepulveda Orange Line stop. Kids want to go to the park but how can they get there if they don't have a car. Charge them $2 fare. You might also be surprised how many families or drunk adults would take advantage of this fine service.

Feel free to add your own suggestions...