Support for LAist comes from
We Explain L.A.
Stay Connected

Share This

This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.

This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.

News

Redheaded Angeleno Stands Up For His Unwanted Sperm

redheaded-kids-southpark.jpg
Before you read more...
Dear reader, we're asking you to help us keep local news available for all. Your financial support keeps our stories free to read, instead of hidden behind paywalls. We believe when reliable local reporting is widely available, the entire community benefits. Thank you for investing in your neighborhood.

When one of the world's biggest sperm banks announced they were no longer taking donations from redheaded men, it unleashed perhaps at first a fury of "ginger" jokes, and probably left a few gentlemen feeling unloved. For one Angeleno, it opened up an opportunity to look at what society fears when it comes to redheads. Christian Lander, author of the hilarious "Stuff White People Like" is a redhead. He also has an opinion piece up on CNN about the undesirability of his sperm.

What can be easily used for banter is actually evidence of a deeper issue: Bullying.

In America, we have women turning to their hairstylists and drugstores to turn their locks into sought-after red tresses, but redheaded guys are the butts of jokes. And a redheaded kid might raise some terror in movies, but in real life, they'll probably get the crap kicked out of them, says Lander. (Hey, it was less than two years ago when "Kick a Ginger Day" at one local school led to at least five attacks on redheaded kids.)

Lander mentions all the sexy women with red hair we revere, like "Mad Men" actress Christina Hendricks. Male stars with red hair are mostly funny men, like Conan O'Brien, Seth Green, and Carrot Top. "Seen any of these on People Magazine's sexiest man alive lists?" asks Lander.

Support for LAist comes from

But no, there's a fear in having a red-headed kid, who will turn out to be a demon, or constantly taunted. Lander urges parents seeking sperm bank, er, deposits, for help in procreation to seek out the redheaded stuff, though, because maybe it could be one of those teaching moments to help rid the world of playground moments where kids are called "fire crotch" because of their hair.

And maybe, just maybe, that red headed son could be a comedian, or maybe a smart guy who knows how to gently poke fun at himself and his contemporaries. "Have a redheaded child!" urges Lander. "Who knows, you might give the world the next Louis C.K. -- or, at worst, the next flash-in-the-pan blogger."