LA couple on Rob and Michele Reiner’s hands-on defense of gay marriage

Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo describe themselves as accidental activists who found an “immediate family” in Michele and Rob Reiner.

When same-sex marriage was banned in California with the 2008 passage of Proposition 8, Katami and Zarrillo began speaking out about what marriage equality meant to them.

They caught the attention of some “changemakers,” including Rob and Michele Reiner, and became plaintiffs in Hollingsworth v. Perry, which challenged the constitutionality of Prop. 8 and ultimately led to a 2013 Supreme Court ruling that reinstated gay marriage in California.

The fact that they were able to make it through the legal fight to restore the right of same-sex couples to marry in California, and marry each other in Los Angeles in 2013, they credit, in large part, to the Reiners.

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“ We would not be married without Rob and Michele Reiner”

It started with writing the first check to fund the organization that took on Prop. 8 — the American Foundation for Equal Rights — but the Reiners' contributions quickly expanded to emotional and moral support, too.

The first time they really got to know each other was the day they filed their lawsuit, at dinner with the Reiners, their co-plaintiffs and legal team.

“Rob and Michele were, from the moment we met them, nothing but extremely kind, curious, passionate believers in LGBTQ rights,” Zarrillo said.

When Katami and Zarrillo held their 2014 wedding with family and friends, five years later and after a hard-fought win in the Supreme Court, they sat the Reiners at their head table.

 “We had such a great time celebrating the work that had been done, but most of all, celebrating the family that we created… It's a very fond memory of us knowing that we got to sit at their table to start our journey towards marriage,  and they got to sit at ours when we got married,” Katami said.

“ Michele was every bit Rob's equal”

Katami and Zarrillo both describe the Reiners as wanting to use their platform in Hollywood to make the country a better place through advocacy.

Jeff Zarrillo (L), Paul Katami (Center) and Michele Singer Reiner (R) on the day of their wedding at L.A. City Hall on June 28, 2013.

And while Rob Reiner was more public-facing and famously gregarious, Katami said Michele was a powerhouse and the driving voice behind their work: “She was just a creative force that had this vision of a future and a country that was more equal and more accepting.”

 Michele Reiner’s rule for the dinner table

Today, Katami and Zarrillo have adopted a principle they learned from Michele in their own home.

“There's only one conversation at a time. So the person speaking has your full attention, your respect,” Katami said, adding that the rule exemplifies exactly how the Reiners lived their lives. “They wanted to make sure everyone felt seen, everyone felt heard, and respected and loved.”