Support for LAist comes from
We Explain L.A.
Stay Connected

Share This

News

Our Precious Bodily Fluids

LAist relies on your reader support, not paywalls.
Freely accessible local news is vital. Please power our reporters and help keep us independent with a donation today.

Some of us at LAist have dropped off the radar for a little while. What happened was, we stopped ingesting fluoride. We felt sharper within a week, but then the hallucinations began. We saw spiders where there frankly, we can admit now, were no spiders. The fluoride in toothpaste and drinking water is a psychoactive compound, and going cold turkey is like unplugging yourself from the Matrix. It evolved for us into a week of furious research. Conspiracy work. What began as a simple query into the history of Evangelicalism led us down a dark path to Freemasonry, the NSA, weather control and the theory of a holographic universe (fascinating.) Don't worry, we feel great. But we've been a little scared of submitting any of this stuff to our editors.

We've got to stop googling things. Did you know that between the amazing new Google Maps and the Megan's Law website, you can actually find the shortest route to your dentist's office and make a list of all the child molesters you'll pass on the way? With their pictures attached? No wonder we haven't felt like going out.