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Moistboyz, live tonight at The Troubadour & LAist Interview

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For those of you who don't know, Moistboyz are a politically vulgar Punk-Metal hybrid Featuring Lead Vocalist Dickie Moist (Guy Heller,) and Lead Guitarist Mickey Moist (AKA Mickey Melchiondo, AKA Dean Ween of Ween.) They've been playing and recording ittermittently since the early 90s, with increased activity during the 2000s.

Their music somehow manages to combine methamphetamine levels of energy, and aggressively in-your-face politics that, frankly, defy all description. (It's true - I don't like to use cliches like "equal opportunity offender" or "Politically incorrect," but I guarangoddamntee you that no matter what your politics, they've said something to make you uncomfortable, if not outraged. And you're probably too busy screaming along to notice.)

Don't make the mistake of assuming this is simply a Ween side project. While it contains some elements in common with the Ween, (specifically the combination of embittered sincerity and nearly absurd irony,) this is no vanity band. Mickey and Dickie have been friends for ages and their music is the sum of their efforts. In other words, no Dickie, no Moistboyz.

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Tonight at the Troubadour, they'll be ripping shit open like corduroy at a breakdancing contest, and I got in touch with Dickie via the magic of e-mail to ask him some questions for the benefit of our Loyal LAist readers. I'm sad I didn't get the chance to interview him in person, because his answers, to say the least, are aggressively memorable.

Prepare yourself.

LAist: Do you consider Moistboyz an expressly political project? Are songs like "Uncle Sam and me" and "Captain America" meant to be a giant middle finger at the Fox News crowd? Or is there something more general about American culture you're pointing out? Dickie Moist: Both are correct. Uncle Sam and me is about the grossly unnoticed partnership between an American president and an English Prime minister. The global alchemists, who turn human slag into Aryan slaves, have rendered intelligence obsolete. Americans and all people now are cowards; absolute cowards, who wouldn't lift a finger to protect freedom from Circus Masters and scum-hearted lords. Adults are children now, even the old. Elders are gone.

Tony Blair, England and all other peoples have no say in my business, or my life. The united States is protected by unalienable rights which have been renamed, "civil rights, human rights, and civil liberties." Terrorism is our boogey man. I'll suffer a guess that anyone reading my responses, roll their eyes in lazy, candy intellect, believing they are evolved beyond having to take a punch or die for what they believe in. People would rather hire hit men called police to keep the responsibility and blood from their hands. Nobody gave a rat's ass about killing Iraqis while they were shaking in their cowardice from 9/11. Now that the situation is past, it is easy to take a stand on "resisting the war." I hated the idea of war WHEN it happened. Everyone else was hiding behind their failure, and did nothing to prevent the now demonized soldiers from attacking.

All the shit-assed pussies will retreat there again when whatever monster this party-oriented rabble called "society" decides to vote for, causes another attack, and broadcasts on CNN, that another boogeyman is here. Americans have no idea at all what is lawful in respect to electorates. They believe we vote for candidates, and that "primary" elections are supposed to happen, and are part of our election process. Party candidates sell their narcotic lies to sheep that pretend to have intelligence. College girls and shaved pussy runs our country. Men are now Jellyfish. We're fucked, and I wait for the monkey police to begin killing us, just because they know how stupid we are.

Comes now Captain America, who I predicted would be killed in his comic glory in our new global order. In 2002, my wife of 8 years left for an executive. I immediately retreated where I could be monitored by friends so as to not commit the act of murder. Passing through Memphis, TN, I and four other vehicles slid on icy roads and hit each other. It was a minor incident, but when I pulled over, I looked under my seat for my wallet, and discovered a pistol, a box of rounds, $40 of cocaine, an ounce of weed, and I had a knife and weed in my boot. With glass still coating the hood and grill, I drove my truck, my license plate reading "AMERICA," into a gas station, and the only other person at the pumps was a sheriff at the pump labeled #7. He was not getting fuel, kept his eyes on me, and I was as high as Sir Edmund Hillary on a good day. I realized then, that everything I enjoyed was against the law. Not just drugs, but the thought of the stereotype I carry around. That night was the worst of my life. I was thrown into the garbage by my wife, and now I was in an accident, and didn't see the other cars because it was snowing while I was thinking of her. If it weren't for my John Prine tapes, I would've had a much more difficult time laughing at my twisted self.

LAist: According to the Wikipedia, "the entire purpose of the band is to support freedom of speech via rock n' roll music." Is this accurate, and if not, what punishment would you advocate for the Wikipedia? If it is accurate, how are songs like "Fuck You" and "Everybody's Fucked her" related to the larger issue of First Amendment rights?

Dickie Moist: Even silly songs like those have vulgar intent. No one will ever hear them, because they are naughty and not at all polite.

LAist: [Moistboyz Song] "I don't give a Fuck Where the Eagle Flies" is awesome. That's not a question, but it's the truth. Is the song a response to John Ashcroft's similarly titled song? How did it feel knowing that a guy like that was the Attorney General of the United States? And what's your take on America in 2008, after nearly 8 years of that crowd in power?

Dickie Moist: Thank you. Yes you are correct, and the song originally had Ashcroft at the end, but..."a guy like that...of that crowd." Not everyone is a democrat, just because they are the new American idols. "That crowd had every democrat in America cheering Bush. " Mr. President didn't lie about his attitude. No matter how awful he is, Bush said he supported his agenda, and challenged the public to respond, and the public hid from his punk ass. I didn't, and I was treated as a member of a terrorist group. Now, everyone is on the truth band wagon. You have no idea what awful things the new Hitlers have in mind. I do, and I will again be called "Paranoid." Clinton had 8 years in power. If that Marxist cunt Mrs. Clinton wins, there will have been 20 years of the same two families.

Janet Reno authorized the murder of children in Waco Texas. No one cared. William Clinton has never been questioned about why he allowed Oliver North and the Bush family to run cocaine into Mena, Arkansas to fund the Contra wars, even when two boys were shot dead for discovering the site. Vince Foster? Where's he? Clinton went to Iraq as well, and no one protested. The Clintons made a lot of hush money, so the powers of the illuminati made good and damn sure a certain football player took center stage when they were asked where it all came from. Another black athlete covered in "white water."

Then, William Clinton was given head by a nasty little girl who was hired to suck cock for pillow talk information by her Mosad father. The Lewinsky matter became a circus of public opinion about a sex act. In America that supersedes any real issue, giving the sheep cud to chew while real things go unnoticed. Bill Clinton was a low down piece of fucking shit just like the rest of them, and he was trained at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar. His tuition paid for by the devil who began apartheid, named a country after himself ;( Rhodesia), and willed his wealth to further the domination of the world by the British Empire. Not exactly a mellow smiling hippie was he? If you kill with a smile and throw money at the poor, the sheep are appeased, even when the same "democratic" nice people concurrently turned millions of illegal, law breaking Mexicans into slaves, in order to use them further, to create a riotous tension when the North American Union gets here.

Then the peaceful democrats will call a man racist when he is kicked out of his own country, and complains that foreigners are pissing in his mouth, and calling him gringo. Mexican racism and its epithets are said to be vented to express the struggle of the Raza. You know, only white men are racist. .. right? Viva La Raza! This means "Hail the Race!" When a white or black American says this, he/she is called a white supremacist, or a gang, and are rallied against by the sugar-tit who worship ugly fucked up oracles on CNN.

Here's the deal, we live in a Republic, but the Republican Party is a cult, and have no alliance with our republic. This cult pretends to fight the Arabs that pay them behind the scenes. This keeps the deals secret, and the neophyte crackers in charge and looking like racists to set the stage for the antithesis in the balance of power, to be enacted by the Hegelian Dialectic.

When Democrats are in power, we see millions who don't know we the people are not a democracy. Democracies are socialist vehicles to the Republic, but are not a model for government. People are the government. Since the Marxists know this, they create terrorist acts, and blame "militias," and racist whites, who are called false patriots, look an awful lot like those white Texas republicans from before. Militias are said to be white trash hillbillies, conspiracy nuts, who live in delusions of grandeur, because we the people are not qualified to read the English language found in the Constitution for the united States of America, that clearly explains what government is. This cult of magicians continues to throw money at the poor who do not work, or break the law and invade our country. The slaves are appeased, and the principled men angry, and called "isolationists."

Rock and Roll still allows me to artfully sing my screams, especially since talking about it will get you killed, jailed, and socially shut-out. Men like me are hunted by computers, and told to bow to the king. We are weeded out like broken mannequins trying to blend in. If we reprimand racist, violent police thugs for breaking the law, they taze us, and bash in our skulls. Perfectly, a white man cannot possibly be oppressed, because white slaves were never written about. Comes now the other Clinton, and the smiling millionaire, mock-black man quoting Martin Luther King, who was a real man, a real patriot, who fucking died for what he did. Barack "Oreo clown" Obama is no Black Panther, who was a fine militia with the courage of real Americans, and used the propaganda used to attack them, to expose their lying enemies, with the same tools used in the highest levels of The Master Plan. They too were destroyed by a cultist democrat.

LAist: How in the hell do you maintain that level of intensity and outrage over the course of a career, not to mention an hour or more long show?

Dickie Moist: Well, "career" is perhaps a bit too professional. I'm a laborer, who plays jester only semi-professionally, but...that asshole John Lydon was right about one thing, "anger is an energy."

Adrenalin is the nectar of tarnished truth. When a man stands firmly for freedom with enemies at every side, being comfortable is not an option. So you are always somehow hunted, and waiting for the worms to come. Your eyes are always wide because your principles chased away your adulterous wife, after your father's suicide. You are not allowed to mourn, or slip up, or you will be sent away to a sterile cage, perhaps even because life is very tiring, so you buy a little speed to fake well-being and bide time trying to stay free. Also you have tattoos, and had a near fatal car accident which breaks your teeth, and now you really fit the part of the hillbilly meth-lab operator.

This intimidates people, especially with a shaved head worn for comfort. The police decide this is the perfect way to start shaving their heads like we do, they are cleaner, military assholes, and make the men like me look dirty and unkempt. All of the sudden the poor are not worthy of help anymore. If a cop eats energy pills, he is pitied for his "hard and dangerous job." If I do speed, I am called a drug addict, and a supporter of Al-Qaeda. If a cop watches porn, he is just a jar-head frat boy. If I watch porn, I am a sex-addict, and dangerous to children. I'll have you know a cop raped my father every day when he was a boy. Cops watch men sodomize each other in prison, and have the nerve to ban smoking in their cells. I am a dirty relic of the past, who shows the interested what freedom is. Sacrifice. Even de-odorized rich girls want to have raw sex with you, because they are 25 year old children who giggle at the sensuous things they themselves use to manipulate the jellyfish race of spineless men who love the pussy whip. There own children have no mother or father, just "parents," with no minds of their own. This produces little pill-heads who shoot their own friends at school, which makes it easy to create more gun-control, and weed out more free men. And round and around and around and around.

I guess I'll just sit here and wait for the real intellectuals to call me a writer of psycho-babble, because my mentally abridged life is too busy to start a newspaper. Truth shows the frightened their lies, so they hide in the bosoms of their mommies. They point and say "kill him, his eyes are crazy, and his clothes are dirty." This is the truth. We are fucked. Rock and Roll as I do it will soon be known as the deranged art of mentally ill psychopaths called terrorists who conduct their anti-social rituals in furtherance of teenage pussy. While the powers support erotic entertainment full of 25 year olds with braids, and catholic skirts. It was so much better when rock was just fun. It still is at times, but....

LAist: Obligatory LA-centric question. A frequent complaint one reads/hears about the LA music scene is how local audiences supposedly lack energy or reaction to the music, beyond studied detachment or cool posturing. What's your experience doing what you do, with that level of intensity and energy, in LA? Like it? hate it?

Dickie Moist: L.A. is no different than any other city. Everyone is jaded. I am not, and I am loud about it, until I get off the stage and out of my trance-illusion of performance jestering. I am a man wanting action, sex, and the potions which clear the mind of bullshit daily life which brainwashes us with altruism posing as sobriety. My rock militia is the best on earth. We ask for nothing. We create our lives as we wish. I am otherwise a roofer, and carpenter's apprentice.

My theory about pathos at rock shows is that girls and boys have changed. Girls have no mystery, suck too much pussy, are sleazier than men, so boys old and young have no one to attract. If I told this to a woman, and I didn't produce a 14 inch cock, my theory would be mocked. Men are dick steak who enslave themselves with the expectations of moderately attractive women. This why sexual enhancement and Viagra is pushed in our email. I could care less about what a man's horse cock does to a woman. They can drool over them freely. I'm not tiny, and I lay waste the hidden flesh of the clitoral zone, drowning in slick orgasms which render them asleep after screaming. I don't need pussy, I have it. My girl is a fighter, but she has mystery, femininity, and understands I am a man, albeit, a skinny fucker. I am one of the last men on earth with a real woman, who loves freedom, and rocks harder than most men do. And yes, she's smoking ass hot. Men were once the ruling rocker, and protector, who willfully produced a free sensuous muse for our girl opposites to flirt their bodies in abandon, without feeling left out and moved to politicize with delusional sexism.

When people were hungry for freedom, and androgyny was exclusive to the few, everything was great. I am not impressed with antagonistic female toughness, and hate the superiority complexes of weak men who use rockers to do the work they ought to be doing. Human nature isn't hard to figure out when other men's wives jump on you and pull out your cock, while their husbands stand with jealous and gratifying voyeurism, exposing blatant homosexual latency. Homosexuals don't faze me at all. My dad was gay. Their really is no gay. Effeminate men are frightened girls with cocks, who are too lazy to be free. That's why real rockers get the best pussy, the best drugs, and are never fans of decadence, but revelers and conquerors of the illusions it purports. Shit, tribal folks have been this way forever. Even the hated Christian understands this, while the "enlightened" and sexually clumsy atheists pretend they have empowerment, and are enlightened. They are only mutated cowards jealous of another's courage to be imperfect and flawed. This I believe what the jaded Hollywood thing is.

Rich girls are warriors of this craft. This is why I love Brittney Spears. She's pissing on the illusion, making men hard, women wet, and has been driven insane by cattle barons whose cows are human. She furthermore still remains the sexiest women in the Hollywood fire. Paris Hilton was pretty cool. Ms. Spears is a true moist girl, just like my friend Missy, who is treated the same way, is poor, and not a celebrity. People who show honest flaw without care are stompers of the terra. The rest are food for the Godfather, and scurry about thinking cool is panicking over fashion, rather than ignoring the leaches who try to suck from your energy. The weak call it cock rock. I call it true grit, American fun, and self government once solely enjoyed by the rich. Rock and roll destroyed the exclusive right to self knowledge, and exposed that the poor have more fun, need nothing from the rich, and fuck better than they do. The Kama Sutra, pleasure gardens, and seduction are for suckers. I hope I have answered your questions, although done in a frenzied hurry. I have to go take my terrorist sexism and white trash ass to the Troubadour to make war with the well-filed brains and groins of those needing a release from something they will not admit.

That's what rock and roll can do.


Their First Two albums are current available on one CD. Their most recent Album, Moistboyz IV (2005) is available and well worth a listen. For your convenience, here's some samples. Listen and obey:

"Uncle Sam And Me"

"Year of the Maggot"

The Facts:

What: Moistboyz, with NASA Space Universe.
Where: The Troubadour, 9081 Santa Monica Blvd
WeHo, CA 90069
When: Doors open at 8PM, show starts at 9, Moistboyz on at 10.
WHow Much: 15 bucks adv., see the Troub's websitefor more info.

Photos from Moistboyz Website.

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