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Living in Sin: XXX online
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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice for LA's sexually curious. e-mail Jen your question, which will be posted anonymously.
Dear Jen - My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, and lately things have been slow in the bedroom. It's been two weeks since he's touched me in a sexual way, and now I find out that he's been watching porn on his computer while he's "working." Why is it that men would rather watch porn when they have the ready, willing, and able at arms' reach?!
Because sometimes you don't want ready, willing, and able. Sometimes you want barely legal twins and the refrigerator repair guy. I'm not saying it's o.k. to substitute a real sex life with porn, but there's nothing wrong with a supplemental hoist every now and then. Besides, I'd be willing to bet that he's been watching porn all along - you're just more sensitive to it now that you're not getting any (which is totally understandable, btw).
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The problem here is not all men and porn, the problem here is that your man is ignoring you. You need to sit his porn-lovin ass down and ask him what's up. Maybe he's mad at you. Maybe he's going through something and needs a little space. Maybe he's bored. Who knows?
I don't know you guys, but I will say that a common problem in long-term relationships is that people get lazy. They stop putting time and energy into keeping things juicy, and their sex lives just get up one night and wander off in a daze, never to be seen again. Think about it - for the past five years, you guys have been looking at the samey same same, same-ole, if I seen it once, I seen it a million times, naked body in the bed next to you. And things probably just don't pop the way they used to. Say what you will about porn, but those nice folks sure put their creativity caps on when it comes to the fuckin - why not take a cue from them (or maybe even watch some with him)? Get out the baby oil, put a saddle on him and ride him around the living room, do it standing up with just your socks on, whatever honks your horns.
Hopefully, in the past five years, you've built up a strong enough foundation to deal with whatever the problem is. So don't focus on the fact that he's watching porn, but focus on the fact that he's not watching you, and hopefully you'll work it out.
photo by Arbron via Flickr
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