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Living in Sin: Verbal Viagra

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice for LA's sexually curious. Now you can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,

As I've grown older (I'm now 52) I've noticed that I require more verbal stimulation during sex with my wife in order to orgasm. This stimulation usually takes the form of my wife describing, in detail, her past sexual adventures, or pretending that I am the hunky waiter that served us at dinner. She will tell me how her past lovers were much better than I am, or she'll call me by the waiter's name and tell him (me) how much bigger he is compared to her husband. Is this wrong to do?

- Verbal Viagra

Dear Verb: In a perfect world, instead of letters like yours, I'd be getting the following:

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Dear Jen, My wife and I have a very respectable sex life. We never discuss it and only do it with the lights out. We condemn and fear masturbation, homosexuality, toys, role playing, fetishism, filth, and flogging. We have never screamed "who's your daddy?!" in a moment of passion, never pulled hair, spanked fannies, or gotten rugburns, and would rather take a bullet than stick anything up our butts.

Yet it's people like you — the healthy, the brave, the whisperers of degrading and filthy nothings - that are worried there's something wrong. Which is the only thing that's wrong. Everything else gets two thumbs up — your openness, your sexual camaraderie with your wife, your budding fetishism, your lack of jealousy, and your ability to refer to another man as hunky. I urge you to go online and seek out your
fellow dominants and submissives if you haven't done so already (do a search for those two words or BDSM). You'll quickly learn that you are part of a vast, kinky family — the kind of family you've always dreamed of. They'll cheer you on, give you new ideas, and instead of getting drunk and flinging family dramas across the table at you on the holidays, they're more likely to show up naked on all fours and beg you to kick them. But most importantly, they'll help you accept the fact that if having your wife stick her boot in your mouth and call you a pathetic louse is wrong, you don't want to be right.

photo by brokenchopstick via flickr