Living In Sin: Hand check

Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,
I'm not sure if this problem stems from my own issues, or from a lack of talented lovers, but when me and my hand are thoroughly enjoying ourselves, I can reach orgasm in record time, or multiple times, you name it. But when I'm with somebody else I can never reach that point. I'm into it, it's feeling really good, but then I start to get self-conscious about the fact that nobody, other than myself, can get me to orgasm, and I end up either faking it or moving on to something else. Am I doomed to be my one and only? Also, I'm bisexual (or whatever you wanna call it), but have yet to be with a woman. Maybe that has something to do with it - maybe men just suck?
- The Lone Wolf

Dear Wolf,
Ever been on a long road trip and decide to help yourself to yourself while driving? You have to strategically hide your hands under a jacket or a map so as not to get busted by passing trucks and SUVs. Unless you're into the whole being watched thing, of course, and then you might want to lean on the horn or drive with your ass out the window (it can be done. Cruise control). Either way, you have to make sure you've got a nice stretch of clear road ahead of you when the big moment comes, because for a few seconds there the big O, not you, will be calling the shots on whether you speed up, slow down or slam into a horse trailer. The fact that so many people experience this blissful loss of control whilst steering with their knees, at 80 miles per hour, makes me wonder that there aren't more of us found flipped over in our cars with our hands down our pants.

Considering the fact that orgasms render us completely helpless, it's actually pretty amazing that anyone can have one with someone they don't fully trust. Or really even like! Add to that that you're usually naked, spread-cheeked and uncertain about what your body has up its sleeve as far as moans, fluids, convulsions, never-before-uttered-truths - it's amazing any of us ever leave the house.

Your inability to loosen up with another person is not surprising, or uncommon. Having sex puts you in a very vulnerable position, especially if you're a woman. The fact that you're entertaining the possibility that it's because men just suck, however, is another story. Methinks it's time you skipped off to the therapist's office for a little Men and Me talk. Yes, it could be that you're a budding lesbaroo and just need to find the right lady to make you sing the sweet song, but I have a feeling that won't happen until you work on yourself either. You need to get comfortable with your body, your sexuality, and your dirty little thoughts, and get over your trust issues before your hand relinquishes first place to anyone, be they male or female.