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GLAAD Doesn't Consider Smithers Gay

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The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation released a study today about the decline of gay characters in network television, the LA Daily News reports, and the results are shocking. Apparently GLAAD does not consider long-time Simpsons regular Waylon Smithers a homosexual man!

Colorful pie charts and detailed lists that complain that there are only two gay lead characters on broadcast tv (ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC, The CW and MyNetworkTV), just seven supporting characters and a mere 5 recurring roles, blatantly miss the fact that Mr. Burns' right hand man couldn't be more light in the loafers. And if you think GLAAD disqualified Fox's "The Simpsons", think again, one of the recurring characters that is included as on the list is one of Marge's chain-smoking sisters, Patty Bouvier.

Dear Members of GLAAD, although we are not in the business of outting any member of the Hollywood community, particularily our animated brothers and sisters, check that, ESPECIALLY our our colored brethren -- let's just review a few facts from the life of Smithers, none of which individually screams gay, but collectively is quite revealing:

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- owns the largest Malibu Stacy collection in the world - Simpson Archive
- in "The Telltale Head" When Burns is overcome with emotion, he tells Smithers that he loves him. Smithers replies, "The feeling is more than mutual, sir." - Area51
- in "Homer the Smithers" When Smithers goes on vacation he enters an all-male disco. - Duff Brewery
- in "Brush with Greateness" Marge asks Smithers why he tolerates the abusive and cranky Mr. Burns, Smithers sighs, ""I value every moment we're together, from when I squeeze his orange juice in the morning, to when I tuck him in at night." - Simpson Crazy
- in "Lady Bouvier's Lover" Mr. Burns asks a jealous Smithers to help him compose a love letter to Marge. Smithers, without missing a beat says, "Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying: a love that will be with you always. Sincerely, yatta, yatta, yatta." When Burns asks how he thought it up so fast. Smithers cries, "I sent it to you on your birthday! [sob] Excuse me, I have something in my eye!" - SNPP

So not only has Smithers been a gay man for over a decade, but a loyal, respectable, monogamous man deeply in love and totally worthy of having Perez Hilton write "fag" over his photo.