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Shamrock Shakes - They're Ba-a-a-a-a-ck!!!

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Uncle O'Grimacey! This year there hasn't been any advertising for that horror of horrors, the Shamrock Shake. But curiosity got the best of me. I headed over to the local McDonalds and ordered one up. The employees gathered to stare at me the way people do when I ask for my tacos extra spicy or I'm about to eat something like pig's ears. I heard one of the employees mumble to the other, "Did you taste it?"

It is just as hideous as I remembered. It is like a blank milkshake that tastes like nothing. You think vanilla is "nothing" but it is surreal when you realize how powerful vanilla is, and how bad "nothing" really is. Hiding under the frothy blandness was just the barest hint of spearmint. Not something half-decent like peppermint, no - spearmint. Girl Scout Thin Mints would run away crying if they knew what a bad name McDonalds was giving to minty treats.

I asked the gathering of employees if all of the McDonalds had Shamrock shakes, or just a few select locations. They just stared at me and shrugged. There were no signs advertising the shakes, and it wasn't even on the menu. Not even the drive-thru menu. It's like their dirty little secret. The only good thing I can report is that they have really tuned down the use of food coloring. In the 70s they put so much food coloring in the Shamrock shake, it was known for turning children's poo bright blue.

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Check out fun retro McDonalds commercials full of minty wrongness after the jump

I'm not an offensive stereotype because I'm not human - I'm a Grimace - what the hell is a Grimace??? Why did they name a character after an unpleasant facial expression?

Nyquil sundaes? Next party for sure!

What? This isn't a bar? Never mind. Can you just put a little whiskey in this? And why not a potato as long as we're going there.

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I believe you can also order a McGrasshopper - half chocolate, which might have been less disgusting. Or maybe more disgusting. The official, and less appealing name of the mint-chocolate shake is the "Minty Mudbath" in a cross-promotion with Shrek the Third.

Some people LOVE Shamrock shakes and have websites devoted to the minty treat.

Uncle O'grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him the incredibly delicious Shamrock Shake.

After reading that quote, I somehow started thinking about William Burroughs and Mugwumps and I saw visions the Shamrock shake being milked from O'grimacey's numerous teats, hidden in the folds of his enormous green blubber. And I just about lost my shake.

If I haven't dissuaded you yet, you can search for Shamrock locations, or report your find here. I did my duty as a good citizen. I reported my find.

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Do you think someone was having fun on Wikipedia?

Shamrock Shakes were widely available across Canada and the United States until the early 1990s. According to the McDonald’s website, Shamrock Shakes are now sold exclusively in Ireland

Photos by Elise for LAist