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We Can Go 161-1, Right?

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Can someone please tell Dodger’s head athletic trainer Stan Conte to make sure Prozac takes his meds before he pitches?

Pitcher Derek Lowe in his third Opening Day start for the Dodgers gave up six earned runs and five walks in four innings earning a 7-1 loss against the Milwaukee Brewers. Even worse, the only offense the Dodgers could muster was a homerun by Jeff Kent in the second inning and a double by Brady Clark in the ninth. That’s just about as anemic as Nicole Richie. Granted Brewer’s pitcher Ben Sheets (who?) threw like someone had a knife to his momma’s throat, but this was ridiculous.

Since I was at work during the game, I taped* the game and kept up to date with the MLB Gamecast module. Even though I only caught occasional glimpses of the game, I knew what a bloodshed it was. The entire story lies in the stat sheet. If you don’t know how to read one of these, just know that the Dodger’s side is bad while the Brewer’s side is good.

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With all of this negativity, here’s a glimpse of optimism: this is only one game out of 162, 0.6% of the season. Derek Lowe is known to be cold out of the gate, and as bad as the offense was there’s no place to go but up. Right? I sure as hell hope so.

Now on to other business. Some of you might have noticed our esteemed editor Tony smoking the crack pipe** with his prediction of the Cubs winning the World Series. I just have to say it's very nice to see that some people aren't jaded and have a wide-eyed view of the world. The Cubs winning the World Series is tantamount to Madonna dropping her British accent.

Here are my predictions:

AL East: Boston Red Sox
AL Central: Cleveland Indians
AL West: Oakland Athletics
AL Wildcard: New York Yankees

AL Divisional Series: Red Sox over Indians in 4 games; Athletics over Yankees in 5 games
AL Championship Series: Athletics over Red Sox in 6 games.

NL East: Atlanta Braves
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West: LA Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Arizona Diamondbacks

NL Divisional Series: Diamondbacks over Braves in 5 games; Dodgers over Cards in 4 games
NL Championship series: Dodgers over Diamondbacks in 7 games

World Series: Dodgers over Athletics in 6 games

True I'm a homer, but at least the Dodgers have a feasible shot of going all the way despite the poor showing today.

*For you whippersnappers, taping a program using a Video Cassette Recorder (VCR) is the old-school Tivo.

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**And I say that with all the love in my stony ashen heart.

AP image by Jeffrey Phelps