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Deconstructing The First Trailer For Rob Lowe's Already Legendary Ghost/Alien-Hunting Reality Show

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Earlier this year, A&E announced that actor Rob Lowe and his two sons would star in a new reality series called The Lowe Files, in which the trio will travel the U.S. in search of the paranormal. Even before I saw a single piece of footage from the project, it immediately became my most anticipated TV show of all time. And now that I have seen the first trailer for the show, it has become my favorite TV show of all time.

But I have a few questions...

  • What percent of the show will be home videos of the Lowe family?
  • Is this random person Michael Fassbender, and why do they want us to think he is a ghost?

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  • Why do they claim Lowe's sons (Matthew Edward and John Owen) are in their 20s when neither are clearly older than 12?
  • Why are so many shots slightly out-of-focus?
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  • This isn't a question, but just need to acknowledge that this is an advanced use of "(Don't Fear) The Reaper."
  • Is this whole show leading up to the reveal that Rob Lowe was the ghost all along?
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  • Has there ever been a more legendary dramatic slow walk/close up eye/spooky easter egg shot than this?
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  • Do the Lowes believe that aliens and supernatural/mythological creatures are all real? Or are they connected somehow? Like, is the Loch Ness monster actually an alien? If Big Foot is real, do they think that Godzilla is real? Where do the Lowes draw the line?!
  • Why does this whole thing look like a joke show Rob Lowe's character from The Grinder would be a part of? Especially whenever Rob Lowe stares into the middle distance like so:
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  • Does Rob Lowe not want to work? Does he just want to bang on the drum all day?
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  • Why can't we fast-forward the clock to the August 2nd premiere date?
  • What was Rob Lowe's motivation for this shot exactly?
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In case anyone from the Lowe family and/or A&E is reading this right now, I have a few more pitches for you...

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