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Arts and Entertainment

Spiderman 3 Blows

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Oh look at me, I'm EMO-Man. This mask helps hide my shitty acting for at least half of my performances.

*Warning* Spoilers and a negative review after the jump

Mr. Positive: Dude, I think Spiderman 3 was good. It was what i thought it'd be, a soap opera. Think about Spiderman 2 and you'll see they took the 3rd movie into its logical next step.

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Mr. Negative: "they took it down the next logical step..." Yes, down a shithole. That was the next logical step for Spiderman. Forget the spectacular fight scenes, even those couldn't save piss-poor acting and a crack-smoked plot.

1. Spiderman cried at least 5 times on command. The man is a superhero who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. It should take more than 3 seconds to make him cry like a bitch when things aren't going his way. This never fucking happened in the comic and sorry to sound like a fanboy but this was miles from his character.

2. Mary Jane is a vain bitch who is jealous of her boyfriend's fame. Boohoo, I don't give a shit you elitist slut. By the end of the story you don't even want Spiderman to stick with this dumb bitch. He should toss her back over the bridge and get with Gwen.

3. Venom looked great. Why the fuck do we only see him fight for 40 seconds? I don't give a shit about Sandman. He was a waste of $100 million of CGI. Then in the end nothing is resolved with him, he just vanishes into the wind like Michael Jackson in that "Do You Remember the Time" video.

4. Sam Raimi uses the symbiote as an element of coincidence in his warped plot. the symbiote goes into Parker's room and sits there for a good 40 minutes before it's convenient for Raimi to introduce it into the plot. Ba!

5. Incorporating the EMO fad in the story?!?!?! Don't get me fuckin started on this one!

6. Tobey Maguire can't dance. That was a waste of 15 minutes of my life. His entire dance of jealousy in the jazz club was not fascinating to me and did not look like it would make ANY ex-girlfriend wish she was still with you.

7. Harry Osborne getting killed instead of paralyzed...god. I try not to be a fanboy but that's just fucked.

The two highlights of the film were:

A. Bruce Campbell's cameo as the French waiter.

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B. The Rush Hour 3 trailer.