The 15 Best Burns From Justin Bieber's Comedy Central Roast
Justin Bieber got skewered at his Comedy Central Roast over the weekend, and he faced an onslaught of burns from the likes of Kevin Hart, Martha Stewart, Will Ferrell, Ludacris, Shaquille O'Neal, SNL's Pete Davidson, Chris D'Elia and Natasha Leggero. They made jabs at his embarrassing run-ins with the law, his pre-pubescent fans, his on-and-off-again relationship with Selena Gomez, and his status as a lesbian style icon. Even his pet monkey that he had to turn over to a German zoo made an appearance.
The Roast was taped on Saturday on the Sony Studios lot in Culver City, but it won't be airing on Comedy Central until March 30.
It seemed like it was a humbling event for the "Baby" singer, who even offered up an awkward apology on stage for his unsavory behavior in the past. “There was really no preparing me for this life,” Bieber said, according to Variety. “I was thrown into this at 12 years old, and I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. There’s been moments I’m really proud of and a lot of moments I look back and I’m pretty disappointed with myself for. But the things that I’ve done really don’t define who I am. I’m a kind-hearted person who loves people and, through it all, lost some of my best qualities. For that, I’m sorry. But what I can say is that I’m looking forward to being someone you can look at and be proud of.”
He did, however, get a joke in about his roasters, "What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours."
Here are the best burns that night:
Shaquille O'Neal: "Last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn't even score that low, and he uses your music to fuckin' torture people."
Hannibal Buress: "Justin, I don't like your music. I think it's bad, man. I hate your music. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy."
Jeffrey Ross: "You are the King Joffrey of Pop."
Chris D'Elia: "Justin Bieber, the man. Why are you here? ... You are about to get f--ked harder than Orlando Bloom f--ked Selena Gomez."
Pete Davidson: "Usher is the one who took you under his wing. You're the worst thing that Usher has done to America, since the guy who sat John Wilkes Booth behind Abraham Lincoln."
Will Ferrell (as Ron Burgundy from 'Anchorman'): "This kid has spunk, moxie, and probably a few other STDs."
Chris D'Elia: "I'm proud of you. You have it all. You literally are a guy who has it all — except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy."
Ludacris: "You're not tough, Justin. I'm here to let you know that. I know you've been on Ellen 14 times. You act so much like a pussy on the show, Ellen tried to eat you."
Natasha Leggero: "Justin, Selena Gomez had to fuck you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history."
Martha Stewart: "Justin, you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower."
Kevin Hart: "Bieber has 10 million fans—most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one."
Natasha Legerro: "Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards."
Chris D'Elia: "Those Calvin Klein billboards you made are terrible. And I was in Whitney."
Snoop Dogg: "When you get to the county jail, hear me, you're gonna be the first dude who ever had a girlfriend and a boyfriend named Gomez."
Jeff Ross: "Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their hair cut."