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Holly Madison Said She Contemplated Suicide While Living With Hugh Hefner

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Holly Madison with Hugh Hefner appear in Madison's dressing room in 2009 (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for BASE Entertainment)
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Holly Madison, former girlfriend of Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner, is releasing a tell-all memoir about how horrible her life as a live-in Bunny was. Holly Madison, now 35, met Hugh Hefner when she was only 21 and waiting tables at Hooters. Her forthcoming book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny talks about the time she spent living in the Playboy Mansion. She alleges that Hefner verbally and emotionally abused her during their relationship, and that the very first time he met her at the Playboy Mansion in 2001, he offered a Quaalude, US Weekly reports. When Madison declined, she said Hefner told her, "Usually, I don't approve of drugs, but you know, in the '70s they used to call these pills thigh openers."

Madison wrote that she wishes she could go back in time and scream 'what the hell are you thinking?' to her younger self. The real Madison, however, ended up spending the night and moving in a matter of weeks later, becoming one of Hefner's many beautiful, blonde girlfriends. She eventually became Hefner's primary girlfriend, moving into his bedroom in 2002. She appeared on the reality TV show The Girls Next Door with two of Hefner's other girlfriends, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt.

Madison said that Hefner kept every room in the mansion well-stocked with tissues, baby oil and Vaseline, and that he often bullied and controlled her, deteriorating her self-esteem. She said that once, after she got a haircut, he spat at her and told her she looked "old" and "cheap." Madison said that Hefner repeatedly tried to turn her and his other live-in girlfriends against each other in order to manipulate them. At one point, she said she thought about drowning herself in a bathtub to escape.

Madison said that when she finally decided to move out, Hefner tried to coerce her into staying by offering to leave her $3 million in his will. It didn't work and she finally left him in 2008.

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Madison married Pasquale Rotella in 2013. They have a 2-year-old daughter named Rainbow, who Madison said she hopes reads her memoir when she gets older.

"I want her to understand why I made the choices I made. And hopefully learn from them and not make stupid mistakes herself," Madison said.

Madison said she has not spoken to Hefner in four years. She said she also hasn't communicated with Wilkinson in years either. Madison said that Wilkinson told her via an all CAPS text message they were never friends and that "it was all just work." She said she told Wilkinson she was "fakest person" she had ever met and said, "I don't miss her."

Down the Rabbit Hole comes out on June 23.

If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide: do not leave the person alone, remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt, and call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional.