Fred Willard Arrested For Lewd Conduct At Hollywood Theater [UPDATED]

...once I found out the Tiki Theater actually screened pornos I knew it was absolutely necessary to pay it a visit since nudie theaters are a dying breed in this City. Here's a rundown of what to expect once you decide to make the trip yourself: For a $10 admission, an elderly Korean man pushes a paper raffle ticket under a bulletproof glass screen that looks like it's been slathered in Vaseline. A sign next to it reads NO WEAPONS, NO DRUGS, NO SEX OF ANY KIND (that means you too, dog fuckers). You click through a well worn turnstile and try hard not to touch any surface as you make your way through heavy, black velvet curtains into 900 square ft room with 30 theater style folding chairs. A quarter of the audience is wearing hooded sweaters and smoking crack, another quarter is jerking off, the rest are jerking each other off, cruising for a jerk off or doing something so vile you probably wouldn't want to see it. Let's assume they're hiding murder weapons or making a list of items to add to their next rape kit.

Appropriately enough, the bathroom is in the theater to the right of the screen so if you are looking for some uh, privacy - the Tiki is sensitive to your needs. If group masturbation isn't exactly your thing, you'll be relieved to know that there's a well worn stall about 50 paces from your seat.

You sit through a half-hour of amateur porn until the moans and groans from the audience work your last nerve. You quickly exit the theater and immediately head to the nearest bar where you try and drink away the memory of the last hour.