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The booze and drugs and good vibes from the music go a long way in helping the young, photogenic free spirits of Coachella connect...but sometimes they get in the way. We browsed the missed connections for the best stories of cuties in crop tops swept away by the crowd, the phones that misfired in the Sahara tent and the poor souls who were rolling too hard to remember to even ask for a number.
We picked our favorite stories from Craigslist, a new site dedicated just to missed connections (along with some snarky jokes about how Drake's "headline performance was definitely a missed connection") and, god bless him, some guy who created a site just for his own missed connection. (It may go without saying, but the stories are largely anonymous, so we have no way of verifying them.)
Actually, let's cue up the Kaytranada and just start with the guy with his own website, because it's a doozy:
Out of the depth of Gobi tent, ears still pulsating from Kaytranada’s bass, the field opened before me as I found myself wading towards the horizon of your deep blue eyes. You were sitting with your friend; I don’t know, a white girl with a nose ring, I think? I could barely see her. You had jet black hair dyed ocean blue. Black shorts, black shoes for miles (okay inches, but a lot of inches). I noticed your wrists; slender and taught. You were wearing galactic blue contacts, but they could never fully veil those eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes.
I was the guy with the inflatable banana. It was silly, I know, and you didn’t care much for it, I know, and in that moment I would have eaten that thing for 5 more minutes with you. We talked about Kaytra, the festival, life. You said your name was Mello, or Mellow? Short for Melanie? Melody? You are Persian, and I was being poro.
We parted when your friend needed to leave. I was still lost in the infiniteness of those eyes. I could see constellations of a mesmerizing, beaming personality. I needed to explore those eyes. I couldn’t get up.
I didn’t catch your name. It’s eating me up inside. The girl with the black hair dyed blue. The girl with the galactic eyes. The girl with the platform shoes. What was your name?
Here's someone who literally lost their marbles at Coachella. Or marble. Or maybe it's Gen Z slang for a sexual act that's too obscure for us out-of-touch millennials who rely on Urban Dictionary?
"We were dancing next to each other at Todd Terje. I was too high to talk so I handed you my favorite marble. I'm gonna need that marble back."
Here's a contender for the least romantic missed connection:
"I was rolling my balls off in the Sahara tent and your ass was in my face, it was super chill, I thought we were gonna make out for a min or some shit or maybe HJ but my eyes started wigging out from the molly and u ran away. U had a green shirt on"
Confident male seeks lady in red:
"We met by the blue ram. You were wearing a Cute red dress. I was rolling and you were questioning why my guy friend was giving me a massage. I said I was comfortable in my sexuality and we all started a massage train. You were cool. Let's meet up again."
Here's a tip you won't find on WebMD:
"You let me stroke your elbow because you said it would calm me down. It did. Thank you."
It sounds like poor Caitlyn is going to be haunted by the "Sliding Doors" vision of life with the mysterious magical dancer known as VIP Edward:
"I cannot stop thinking about this guy named Edward who I dance with during Jack White. He said he was a booking agent in LA and booked a few of the artists for Coachella, he had a VIP wristband but we locked eyes as he was walking through the main stage audience on his way to The Weeknd. He asked me to go with him but I was on a spiritual good one and did not go with him thinking "oh, we'll meet again" and did NOT get his number. If anyone knows of someone mysterious VIP Edward who apparently is a booking agent....contact me. He was wearing a dispensary shirt too with a phone number. If the dancing wasn't so magical I wouldn't have resorted to this style of desperation but this is definitely a missed connection worth finding. -Caitlyn from Long Beach"
Well, at least now you know your lighter has a good home, Dani:
"Friday after ACDC, we shared a high five and then a J on the walk back after you let me use your lighter. Your name was Dani and I really enjoyed our conversation and vibe. Let's be friends. Also... I still have your lighter, so you have $1.89 riding on this. No pressure."
Sometimes it's just not meant to be?
"You're the gentleman in panda bear attire who *four* of my friends ran into, but none of them gave you my number, so in case you see this: 760-441-7588"
Don't laugh your ass off: Based God is looking out for you two lovedoves:
"We were both at Lil B and the based connection when our eyes connected were outstanding. Sending based vibes to whoever you are.ayy lmao"
I mean, what are the chances?
"I was dancing by you during drake, singing "runnin thru the 6 with my woes". We made eyes and you showed me your shirt which had those exact lyrics on it. It was perfect timing. "
"My friends and I gave you an awkward hug after alt-j. We were on acid and your hair was short and pretty colored"
Not even Trojans can resist a UCLA quidditch shirt:
"I was wearing my ucla quidditch shirt at caribou, you took a picture with me! Id love to see it :)"
Never trust a handsome face and a withering stare:
"Hey Handsome! We stared at each other between the set of John Talabot & Jason Bentley in the Yuma tent on Sunday weekend 2 around 5:20 pm. Your stare pierced my dancing equilibrium. You had dark eyes and nice lashes! I think you had a white T-shirt on. I was near the speaker on the right side in the front of the dance floor with a satin bronze top and a black overhaul black dress. I am Asian with bangs and I had glasses on as well. I really hope we can reconnect."
Drugs giveth and drugs taketh away:
"Cute, short, blackish/brown hair girl danced with me during drake WK2. Your friend made you leave which was a bummer. Left kinda awkwardly, wanted to kiss you but I was rolling and didn't really know what to do."
Not sure what's going on in this Craigslist post either:
You came up to me and grabbed my totem and asked aggressively if you could have it. I stuttered, "I need it to find my friends, I'm sorry." You were a cute Asian guy with a thick mustache that oddly looked good on you. I forgot what you were wearing. You asked again, "please?!"
And I declined while walking quickly toward my friends in the night. You followed still holding on to my totem.
"What if I gave you a kiss?"
In surprise I responded, "wait... really??!!"
I looked back at my group of my friends who were only a few yards away. My group of friends who included my boyfriend. I looked back at you... and you were gone.
Maybe you were a straight guy joking to get a reaction and my excitement scared you. Maybe you were a gay guy flirting with me. But either way.... I would have kissed you, but then I would have ran away with my totem. I'm sorry, I need it to find my friends, my boyfriend.
Poi dude with the red bandana and the industrial piercing, looking for the hoop girl wearing the beaded bikini with a yin yang on the front. You saw me from across the Mojave tent during the Caribou set, and came over to hoop next to me. We were both so deep in the moment that we never spoke to each other, but that almost made it more magical. Can't help but think the universe brought us together... putting good vibes out into the world in hopes it may bring us together again. Meet me at EDC Vegas, so I can finally get your name! I'll be wearing a green bandana this time :)
Coachella weekend 2 -- early in the morning on Sunday. My propane tank and stove caught on fire. You threw it out of harm's way right before it blew up. Do you remember me? You acted really calm and I dig that. You: brown hair, pants with green leaf designs, no shirt, heading to the shower
Me: running up and down the camping area, yelling "fire! fire!" in my pajamas
Tell me how we put the fire out so I know it's you.
