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Coachella: Does that Tent Come with a Blowjob?

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Well, ain't we swank?

This year, in additional to their usual on-site campground, Coachella is offering fancy-shmancy "On Site Lodging." You still can't bring in your own beer, but at least they sell it there.

With On Site lodging, your tent (along with air beds, new sleeping bags and pillows) will already be set up for you. All you have to do is stumble over and collapse after a long, hot day in the pit.

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After the festival, Goldenvoice will be contributing the tents and bedding to the homeless, which is kind of cool of them.

Their super-rad Safari Tent goes for a hefty $4000, accomodating a maximum of 2 people. Seriously, $4,000? Even divided by four nights, it still comes out to 500 bucks a person per night. If you arrive Friday or leave Sunday, three nights comes out to - oh my God! It comes out to $666 dollars a night! Actually, the calculator said 666.666666666666, which kind of gave me the creeps.

If you would like to upgrade to the On Site Lodging from your everyman loser campground, you can do so for $550 for 2 people.

If you have not bought tickets for the campsite yet, On Site Lodging prices are:

$700 2 person size tent - (includes 2 onsite camping wristbands)
$1400 4 person size tent - (includes 4 onsite camping wristbands)
$2100 6 person size tent - (includes 6 onsite camping wristbands)

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Besides being above the rabble, special amenities include:

This new exclusive lodging area will include Breakfast (served 7am - 11am - menu will be posted at a later date), limited capacity, restrooms & showers, general store, food vendors, roaming food and ICE vendors, free private parking lot, drop off area, cell phone charging stations, added security, atms, recycling tent (bottles, camping gear) Outdoor chairs, shade tents and outdoor lighting, local newspapers, shuttles and more! (Massage Therapist for extra fee). - The Official Coachella Website

It really doesn't seem that much better. A lot of these features are also included at the regular campsite. That ATM, of course, could become priceless as the others run out of cash in the land of cash-only.

That shuttle is pretty nice too. A big problem with Coachella is that sometimes you have to park super far away. That walk is treacherous. I once mislead the golf cart dispatcher into thinking my husband was in Sonic Youth just to get a ride out to our car. As luck would have it, the cart driver knew us, so the jig was up pretty fast.

Shade is also a luxury, but I think at these prices the massage should be included. In fact, at these prices, I think someone should stand over you fanning you while pretty girls rub ice on your chest.

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The special 4K Shakir-style Safari Tents do come with festival tickets as well as some nice benefits:

These are the highest end of elegance and sophistication with luxury interiors, fully furnished with a king bed, linens, tables, carpet, pillows, chairs, AIR conditioning and more. Purchasing these special accommodations includes ALL ACCESS wristbands (yes they go back stage and vip area) with special shuttles taking you inside the venue and includes In & Out access as well. -Coachella website

Considering the cool RVs Coachella has provided for the bands in previous years, I have a feeling that if you want to hang out and party with the musicians, this campground will be the place to do it.

So if you have $4,000 bucks to blow, comment back and let us know whether Prince left a mint on your pillow.

Photo by Mystery Bee via Flickr