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Adam Yauch Is A Dreamboat And Other Revelations From The Capitol Records Roundtable - GALA EVENT TONIGHT!

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Dear MCA,

I would like to marry you and have 1000 of your Buddhist-rapper babies. While this may come across trite or ill conceived I assure you I am neither a crazy person nor a stalker fan. Of course I think you make great music, but what I’m saying is that I have not been harboring these feeling for two decades hoping that one day I’d have a chance to spring them on you. These are, in fact, very new feelings. About 24 hours old, actually.

Dinosaur tape recorder in hand, I showed up at Capitol Records yesterday with some silly questions and a simple hope that my contributions to the sit-down discussion would be intelligible and well received.

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But then you and your handsome man-band arrived and I turned to jelly bits. I did this quietly. No one knew. I hid it.

And sure, Ad-Rock was cool. I dug his bowler hat and all the smart ass remarks. Yeah, Mike D was great, with his confessions of Barbie surf vans and his affection for footie pajamas. But you Mr. Yauch, you walked into that conference room with the coolest half-sneer this shy gal has ever seen, and then out flashed this big-eyed, warm smile, and that was that.

Certainly I am aware that the professional musician vs. average guy sex appeal ratio is a dangerously real phenomenon, and maybe without realizing it I became bewitched like a puppy in love. But I don't think so. I'm chalking this up to true instant attraction, you devastatingly potent man.

I dig your laid backness. I dig the mellow tone of your voice. I dig that you're still upset about the monster fur not being long enough on your costumes for the Alive video. And I dig that you care about social issues, fair labor, and wallabies.

Luckily I got the whole production on tape since the only thing I could concentrate on during this spiel was your sexy gray hair and whether or not in some cosmic jive I would ever get the chance to touch it.

Most of the roundtable participants asked music-minded questions, stuff about inspiration or queries about travel. Not LAist. We addressed hot-button issues like fashion and teddybears, and we did it with moxy, and maybe a little flirting.

Tony asked a pointed question about the nature and intention of shoes but somehow it morphed into a commentary on the fashion dos and don'ts of the Gala Event shows. We already knew that cargo shorts were a banned substance, but here is a little more insight on the matter...

Ad-Rock: It doesn't say black tie. It's not a tuxedo. You know, even with the Gala Event thing, there was a guy in Denver who had a jacket, he had a boa, he had a funny hat on, really dressed up. And he was wearing a tee shirt. But his tee shirt was representing his friend's establishment. And so I let that go. He dressed up with specifics. He had a plan. I don't know how you feel about that.

MCA: Well, personally I feel like I'm more interested in an early 60s casual than a mid-70s dressed up.

Ad-Rock: Right. I'm just saying. The effort was the thing.

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MCA: Yeah I met this one dude who was kinda like Jeff Spicoli backstage at, ah, Red Rocks, and he had on some cockamamie suit with a tee shirt and sneakers, and he was like 'Duuuuuuude, I dressed up for yer show!' And I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to bring him down.

Mike D: I would have been like, 'Duuuuude! You fucked up.'

I followed up with this think-piece, "As far as merchandising empires go, would you rather have action figures or plush dolls made in your likeness?"

MCA: Like G.I. Joe or a teddybear?

LAist: Correct.

Mike D: I think I'd go for a teddy bear. Cause like, we already have some action figures and I think they're kinda stiff.

Ad-Rock: I as well would like to be a plushie. And I'm not saying I'm into plushies as a fetish thing. I'm just saying.


Beastie Boys (A Gala Event/Exclusive Instrumental Show)
Tues, August 21
@ The Wiltern
3790 Wilshire Blvd.
Los Angeles 90010
Doors: 7:00 pm
Show: 8:00 pm

ALIVE - Beastie Boys

Photo by Lisa Brenner