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Podcasts Take Two
In college and adulthood, some 'helicopter parents' still hover
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Oct 6, 2015
Listen • 14:16
In college and adulthood, some 'helicopter parents' still hover
The idea of being a 'helicopter parent' is a style moms and dads try not to fall into when their children are young. But what happens in college and beyond?
LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 23: Students walk across the campus of UCLA on April 23, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. According to reports, half of recent college graduates with bachelor's degrees are finding themselves underemployed or jobless. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 23: Students walk across the campus of UCLA on April 23, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. According to reports, half of recent college graduates with bachelor's degrees are finding themselves underemployed or jobless. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)
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Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images
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The idea of being a 'helicopter parent' is a style moms and dads try not to fall into when their children are young. But what happens in college and beyond?

Last week on Take Two we took on the topic of "helicopter parents"— the ones who hover over their kids— with Jessica Lahey, author of the book "The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed."

Her book cautions parents to resist the urge to swoop in and rescue their kids. The idea being that letting a kid fail can teach valuable lessons and help kids realize that things in life won't always go their way.

But there is of course such a thing as being too hands off. And experts say it can become a real problem when it comes to parenting college-aged kids.

Marjorie Savage is a researcher with the University of Minnesota's department of family social science and author of  "You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years." She says that while there definitely are parents who are too involved in their kids' lives, some parents are so concerned about being labeled a "helicopter parent" that they're reluctant to step in even when the situation really warrants it.

"There are so many negative terms for parenting a college student right now, ranging from 'helicopters' to 'stealth bombers' to 'submarines,'" Savage says, "and people feel really concerned about 'I don't want to be labeled like that,' 'I don't want to become that kind of a parent,' and making the decisions about what is appropriate and what's not becomes kind of hard for them."

And the questions parents have about whether or not to get involved don't really go away, even as kids go from college age, to full-fledged adults. Nancy L. Wolf, a writer and mom of two adult kids, explored the topic recently in a Washington Post column titled, "Do you let an adult child fail, too?"

Once your child enters adulthood, you really can't just step in and tell them what to do, Wolf says. But at the same time, failing as an adult, "is a little different than not getting into the right college. It can have harder consequences and longer consequences. So while I still think you can't really tell them what to do, I think you can tell them how what you're hearing from them makes you feel as a parent."

While that can be a fine line to walk, Wolf says, taking the approach of talking about your feelings as a parent will at the very least lead to a dialogue. And hopefully to good choices on the part of the child, no matter what their age.

To hear the full interview with Marjorie Savage and Nancy Wolf, click the link above.