Josh Tate

Now stand aside, sir, so I can go make love to this Ukrainian prostitute!! | Photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox As expected, Marky Mark's Max Payne easily won this weekend's box office race, tallying $18M in its debut to top the persistent and nefarious Beverly Hills Chihuahua ($11.2M/$69M). Two other newcomers, the dull The Secret Life of Bees and the great W., filled the next two slots with respective grosses of $11M and $10.5M....

Frustrated by constant criticism, Marky Mark prepares to kill director. | Photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox Judging by the sour critical reception, it sounds like Max Payne probably sucks. They did cut one hell of a trailer, though. Harry Knowles loved Sex Drive, but then again he also loved Godzilla. How do you not go see W.? I mean, a film about George W. Bush directed by Oliver Stone. The curiosity factor alone will...

The poor eyesight of an aged Indy causes terrible car accident. | Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures Plenty of people were disappointed by the latest Indiana Jones adventure, but I thought there were enough vestiges of the original character to make it worthwhile. Note to George, though: you should have stuck with the Darabont draft. Small, foreign films need critical attention to draw in audiences and the AMPAS really blew it by not recognizing 4...

Dogs relax prior to coke-fueled gangbang. | Photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures Beverly Hills Chihuahua topped the box-office for the second week in a row, pulling in an impressive $17.5M ($52.5M) and validating a little-known prediction by Nostradamus regarding the imminent collapse of civilization. Newcomer Quarantine hauled in a surprising $14.2M as Jennifer Carpenter fans stormed en masse into theaters. The same can not be said for Body of Lies which disappointed badly with...

'Did you bang her, too?' 'Yeah, I banged her.' 'Cool! We should hang out more often!' | Photo courtesy of Warner Brothers I was excited about Body of Lies until I started to see some very middling reviews. Still, Russell Crowe is always worth the price of admission. As for Leo...eh. Word is that Guy Ritchie returns to Lock, Stock and Snatch form with RocknRolla. As with Crowe, Gerard Butler is always rock-solid (literally!). Ernie...

One of the many exciting action sequences from 'The Happening' | Photo courtesy of 20th Century Fox M. Night Shyamalan continues his increasingly rapid descent towards irrelevance with the silly, overblown The Happening. Note to director: long shots of people staring off-screen isn't intrinsically gripping. Despite being sort of absurd, The Visitor was an excellent and long overdue starring role for the always perfect Richard Jenkins. With respect to the earlier comments about M. Night,...

Yet another link removed from chain that supports civilization. | Photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures Presaging the imminent arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Beverly Hills Chihuahua raced to the top of the box office this weekend. The cuddly piece of shit hauled in $29M from the borderline intelligent, easily outdistancing last week's champ (and fellow turd) Eagle Eye ($17.7/$54.6M). The wonderful, life-affirming Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist pulled in $12M (go...

All hail his holiness, the great Michael Cera! | Photo courtesy of Sony Pictures Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist looks like an ideal date movie for confused and annoying teens. The presence of the awesomely talented Michael Cera, however, insures my aged presence. Beverly Hills Chihuahua looks so awful that it will probably be hilarious. Stoned. I don't much like Bill Maher, but I do like that Bill Maher exists and has a platform on...

Wouldn't the fire heat up the suit to about 1200 degrees? | Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures For the 86 people who didn't see Iron Man when it was in theaters, today is your chance to see it on DVD. Trust me--the movie will be just as good on your 26-inch TV as it was on the silver screen. Forgetting Sarah Marshall gets better on the second viewing, though I'm still not sure what the...

All hail the box-office power of Shia the Beef! | Photo courtesy of DreamWorks Pictures It almost felt like summer again this weekend as a bloated, crappy movie rang up a huge number at the box-office. Despite seriously sucking balls, Eagle Eye tallied an impressive $29.2M to lead all comers and cement Shia LaBeouf as a guaranteed draw. Aimed squarely at middle-aged women stuck in shitty, loveless marriages, Nights in Rodanthe raked in a very...