'Will you swap seats?' Tips for handling the question that makes flying so awkward

You’ve boarded the plane, settled into your aisle seat, and are looking forward to an uneventful flight of microwaved meals and cheap wine. Everything’s going swimmingly, when suddenly a stranger appears next to you and asks that dreaded question: “Would you mind swapping seats with me?”

Maybe it’s a couple who can’t bear to be apart for a couple of hours, or a parent wanting to sit next to their young child. For whatever reason, they couldn't (or didn't) take care of the issue before boarding, so now it’s your problem. To switch or not to switch? What’s the best way to say no?

LAist's daily news show AirTalk asked a flight attendant and listeners to share some tips on how to best handle this request, and how to soften the blow if you have to say no.

Prepare ahead of time

It will come as no surprise to frequent fliers that airlines these days are charging up to $100 more if you want an assigned seat, said Phoenix-based flight attendant and host of the Non-Rev Lounge podcast Lara Ketterman.

"A lot of people are buying the basic economy seats and those come without a seat assignment unless you pay extra," she said.

Ketterman said those basic economy seats get assigned at the airport about an hour before takeoff, which means a lot of people flying together don't end up seated together, even if they bought their tickets at the same time.

The result? A lot of people asking to swap seats, oftentimes with people who intentionally paid extra for a preferred window or aisle, and they might not be so willing to make a switch.

"I wouldn't move from an aisle seat, especially if I paid extra. I firmly believe I'm entitled to sit in the seat I paid for," said LAist listener Lisa in Burbank

One thing fliers can do, said Ketterman and a handful of listeners, is prepare ahead of time. If you don't purchase preferred seating, one option is to get to the airport early and check in with your gate attendant. Listener Michael in Alhambra said this is what he does when flying.

"For the past 20 years," he said, "if I'm not able to purchase a window seat online, 90% of the time if I ask at the ticketing counter or the gate, I'm able to get a window seat."

Tell a flight attendant

Ketterman said that flight attendants are trained to handle all kinds of situations, including when someone turns down a request to swap seats.

"After someone says no, they'll come and get a flight attendant to see if we can mediate the issue," Ketterman said.

She adds most flight attendants have a device that shows which seats are empty, and that there are all kinds of tricks and tools at her fingertips to deescalate a situation or entice someone to move — like free drinks and meal coupons. But, she noted, flight attendants need to know about a situation to be helpful.

While most people are probably going to at least feign politeness when accepting or declining a request to switch seats, others are not so reasonable. Sue in Torrance said she was on a work trip from L.A. to Arizona when what could have been a simple "seat swapping" interaction turned into a dangerous fiasco:

"I was in the window seat. The gentleman in the middle was on his honeymoon and his fiancé was on the other side of the plane. Apparently the person sitting next to him said no. He asked me [to switch] and I declined. He got upset and started pushing on my seat and being aggressive. Later, he actually followed me in the airport and called me racist names."

Ketterman says these instances like Sue's unfortunately do happen, and encouraged travelers to tell a flight attendant if a situation like that arises because they're trained to handle those situations.

Be prepared to stay put

Finally, if you're the person asking to switch seats with someone, understand that you may not get your way. Be prepared to accept the seat you were assigned.

Ketterman said it's helpful to keep in mind that some people may not be willing to switch seats not just for financial reasons, but possible health reasons.

Sharon in Sherman Oaks said, "I wouldn't [switch seats] because I have a bad back and long legs and I usually pay extra." Another listener, Michelle in Costa Mesa, said she has vertigo and has to have an aisle seat, because she'll vomit if she's near the window.

But what if you're a parent traveling with a child?

According to Ketterman, gate agents work tirelessly to get people the seats they want, and that includes going above and beyond to seat a parent and child together.

"[We] will even make announcements in the gate area to try to move people around to get a family together," she said.

Or, if you're lucky, you might sit next to someone like Ajit in Irvine.

"I don't like to switch seats," he said, "but the one exception I'll make is for a parent traveling with a child. I'll automatically give me seat up to them."

At the end of the day, it's your call whether to switch with someone who asks. But for the sake of the flight attendants and everyone else on board, kindness is probably the best solution no matter what you decide. Don't forget, you have a long flight ahead.

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