How to split a check without turning friends (or restaurant staff) into enemies

We've all been there. You're out to dinner with a big group of friends, maybe enjoying a few cocktails or mocktails, and as you're wrapping up your meal the server comes by and puts the check in the middle of the table.

Conversation stops. The entire party trains its eyes on the bill and then looks around nervously at the rest of the table, the same question on everyone's mind: how do we pay for this?

In search of tips for navigating this potentially awkward situation without turning your friends into enemies, and ideally not drawing the ire of restaurant staff either, LAist's daily news program AirTalk talked to former chef and restauranteur Kiki Aranita, who now covers kitchens and dining for The Strategist at New York Magazine.

Speak up!

It might seem obvious, but the scenario where conversation stops when the bill arrives and everyone looks around at each other wasn't made up for the sake of this story. What if someone had more drinks than others, or took part in an appetizer that not everyone ate?

"I think a lot of problems really arise from the issue of not speaking up, and these things can fester and affect relationships if you constantly keep these little hiccups to yourself," said Aranita, who was co-chef and owner of a restaurant, food truck, and catering company called Poi Dog for seven years.

She recommended approaching this with sensitivity and awareness. If you had a few more than everyone else, say something.

"There's somebody in that group who will be like, 'OK, let's figure things out fairly. And if you don't mind, say you don't mind about splitting the bill down in a very equal fashion, regardless of who consumed alcohol. But if it bothers you or if you think it's going to bother anybody in your group, just say so."

AirTalk listener Simone, a 10-year veteran of the restaurant industry, called in to echo the importance of communication.

"It will be so much easier just being like, 'Hey, you know what, this is my budget. This is what I'm paying for. XYZ,' and it's done. And I think... a lot of people just get very nervous about having conversations like that."

When asked how she felt about getting a large number of credit cards from a table, Simone said it depended on the point of sale (POS) system that the restaurant used, because some make it easier to split checks than others.

"I will definitely tell people, 'Hey, if you stay in your seat, I will keep your check for that seat number. If there's 10 of you in the party and you start moving around, it gets confusing and that's when it can be difficult."

Agree on a tip

This one also comes back to effective communication and being willing to speak up. Was the service good? Make sure the server is appropriately compensated and get the table to agree on a percentage to tip.

"You can be like, 'hey...the service was really great at this establishment. Let's all tip 20 percent or whatever percentage you agree on," Aranita said. "That is something that can easily be said out loud. And that'll probably guarantee that server a better tip."

Listener Billy in South Pasadena called in to offer some similar advice — settle on a single number for everyone.

"When I'm managing a check split with friends I tell everyone that it's their bill times 1.3. Don't get into the nitty-gritty of exact tax and tip, an extra 30 percent from everyone will always cover it."

Read the room

In an age where most people have Venmo or Cash App or some way to quickly send or request money from others, the most obvious solution might seem like splitting everything evenly among the party. But what if somebody showed up halfway through the meal? What if somebody didn't partake in entrees?

"There are so many myriad of situations that can make people uncomfortable, even if it seems like splitting equally is the fairest way to go," said Aranita. "So I guess what I'm just trying to constantly remind people is that be sensitive of the people around you."

Pro-tip (literally): If you're tipping cash, write it on the bill!

If you're tipping in cash, you might be in the habit of crossing out the "tip" line on your check. But Aranita said this could actually give the server the impression that you're stiffing them, or leave them with no way to prove they were tipped in cash. She recommended writing "cash" on the tip line of the bill instead.

"The reason for that is because a lot of restaurants operate on tip pools, so this is a way of keeping the staff honest so that the individual who is taking the bill and the check at the end of the service has to report that they actually weren't stiffed on the tip, they just received cash."

Listen to the full AirTalk conversation