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Happy Birthday Bacon Pie

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You know what I hate? Birthday cake. I've hated it for years. In fact, I really don't remember a time that I DID enjoy birthday cake, or any kind of layered cake with that icky sugar icing and stupid tasteless sugar sprinkles. Problem is, I don't really like pie either. Or pastries, or muffins, or chocolate-anything (maybe a bite of dark chocolate every now and then). When I get ice cream, I usually get some super-tarty sorbet. I hate birthday celebrations because I sit there like some horrible abstaining skinny bitch while everybody else indulges in their lemon-custard or strawberries n' cream, but really I just can't abide the taste of cake - especially cake bought for $5.99 at the grocery store. Seriously? Eat paste. The nutritional content is about the same.

But before you start thinking I'm half-Cylon or missing part of my brain or something, I will tell you that I LOVE bacon. Actually, I love any crispy piece of meat with fat dripping off of it, it's a general rule in my life. In fact, I'm thinking of suggesting to my loved ones that every future celebration in honor of me should involve bacon - Bacon Cake, in fact. Can you imagine my wedding? How awesome would that be? I mean, sure we could have some fondant-covered chocolate-cream-filled confection, but then we could ALSO have a Bacon Cake! Three tiers of bacon! Frosting made out of bacon foam!

I decided to start small last night and put together a Bacon Pie with caramelized onion and mushroom filling. I cooked it in a pie tin with homemade crust that made me realize that I clearly don't cook pie very often because it came out rather soggy and fragile. The rest of the Pie was DELICIOUS, however - topped with gruyere! - and I'm sure our diligent readers can make their own versions (Ham Pie? Salami Pie? Pancetta Pie? Beef Pie?) at home with better crust-results. Look below! Look below!