Barkowski Is The Charles Bukowski-Themed Bar Nobody Needs

A Charles Bukowski-themed bar, appropriately named Barkowski, is set to open this Friday in the obviously dark and dingy streets of Santa Monica.Formerly Bar Pico, Barkowski is the brainchild of Richard Miller and John Moritz, who took over the property to turn it into the kind of dive that a lowlife poet would love.

Except, it's not. Judging from the pictures over at Eater, the place doesn't really look like a bar that Bukowski himself would patronize. Where's the acrid smoke? The divey atmosphere? The lusty and downtrodden barflies? The bar looks hip, high-end and pristine, the kind of watering hole that Bukowski would most likely avoid.

Indeed, Miller tells Eater that Barkowski is, "a 60s dive bar with a little class and without the filth." The filth is so important, though!

There are so many things wrong with this place that can be seen almost immediately. Barkowski looks like a bar for bougie people who claim to have read "Ham on Rye" once and go out of their way to tell everyone that it "changed their life." It's the bar equivalent of buying a Misfits shirt at Urban Outfitters. Also, doesn't King Eddy already exist, and didn't Mr. Bukowski actually patronize that place?

Barkowski will have its grand opening celebration this Friday, December 13, with an ugly Christmas sweater party. Fantastic.