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Read The Snarky Letter A Lawyer Wrote For His Pal Who Threw A Porn Star Off A Roof

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The letter that the lawyer of poker-playing, gun-loving, playboy Dan Bilzerian sent to the lawyer of 18-year-old porn actress Janice Griffith is, well, not very nice.

Griffith decided to sue Bilzerian after he threw her, naked, off the roof of a Hollywood Hills mansion and not quite into a pool during an adult shoot for Hustler. Video of the incident shows that she grabs onto his shirt, which may have been the reason her trajectory fell short, causing her to break her foot on the edge of the pool while the rest of her made it into the water.

The incredibly snarky document comes from Tom Goldstein of Goldstein & Russell, the firm representing Bilzerian. In it, he tells Griffith's lawyer, Shoham J. Solouki, Esq. of Solouki Savoy LLP that his young client has no case because she consented to being thrown off the roof, that she screwed it all up herself by grabbing Bilzerian's shirt and that Bilzerian would sue her back and then blow up all her possessions in the desert once he won. He also doesn't seem to take her erotic vocation—which her broken foot hindered when she had to cancel a shoot with fetish company Kink.com—very seriously.

I don't run in the same circles, but like a lot of people, I do have Twitter. And with all due respect, she overshares. I can't bear to describe most of what is on her eponymous account, thejaniceXXX. I will save you the embarrassment of looking for yourself. Just trust me that her recent missives with the hashtags "#deepthroat," "#fatpussies," and "#NSFW" (the others are SFW?) suggest that her career is gangbusters. Indeed, I doubt the exclusive interviews with TMZ that have come from these events could not have hurt.
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Who is Tom Goldstein? Well, he's kind of a big deal when it comes to lawyers. Goldstein & Russell is a D.C. law firm that handles Supreme Court litigation. Goldstein co-founded the Peabody-winning SCOTUSblog and teaches Supreme Court Litigation at Harvard. What's he doing writing sarcastic letters to porn star's lawyers?

Well, he and Bilzerian are buddies. Here's a YouTube video of Goldstein racing his 2011 Ferrari 458 Italia against Bilzerian's 65 427 Shelby Cobra.

So, while Bilzerian's splashing around in the unending pool party that is his Instagram feed and presumably, his life, he's got a star lawyer in a corner pocket.

This wouldn't be the first time Bilzerian's lifestyle has caused some issues. He had back-to-back heart attacks while on a cocaine bender, and a baby Bengal tiger he got for a party bit a girl in the breast. He is quoted in the Daily Mail as saying, "One of the tigers bit one of the girls - bit her tit! Thankfully, I didn't have to buy new implants."

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Meanwhile, Bilzerian, who is also a former Navy Seal, is suing the producers of Lone Survivor. He wants the million he loaned them them to make the movie back after they cut his cameo down.

Read Goldstein's complete letter below:

Dan Bilzerian