Fiona Apple Reviews Her "Criminal" Experience For Concertgoers
Fiona Apple kicked off her concert in Houston last night with a review of her jail experience after she was caught with hashish in Sierra Blanca, Texas.
Apple gave rave reviews to the guy who runs the jail where she ended up staying overnight. But she saved her venom for four people—police officers, we're assuming—who she says did shit that was "inappropriate and probably illegal." She didn't go into a whole lot of detail about what those things might have been, but she threatened to out those four people.
Here's the transcription of her speech via Pitchfork:
"Now, most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn't hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and-- I got two lock boxes. We'll call them "holding cell one" and "holding cell two". In "holding cell one" is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In "holding cell two" is the decoder. I'm the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Unless you're interested in being a celebrity, I'll make you fucking famous any time you ask and I'll open those boxes. So why don't you stay in your fucking holding cell?"