6 Best And Worst 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Promotions
You might think you're sick of hearing about Fifty Shades Of Grey, but you have no idea: our inboxes are full of promotions relating to the Valentine's release of the film. We have been invited to or informed of so many Fifty Shades promotions, we can hardly keep track! But we did, and here are our faves:Learn How To BDSM For Real
Many in the BDSM community (that stands for bondage, domination, sadism and masochism) find 50 shades to be a wildly inaccurate portrayal of their lifestyle. If you want to know how to kink up your life the way the pros do, you can pop into Kinky Tapas at Stockroom in Silver Lake. Here, sex educators Sunny Megatron—host of Showtime's Sex with Sunny Megatron—and Ken Melvoin-Berg will teach you how to get your fetish on safely. They'll talk about how to put together a scene, how to train your slave, how to spank and otherwise strike a lover and how to carefully engage in sensory deprivation. They'll also be talking about something called 'balloon bondage.'
Kinky Tapas. February 14 and 15 from 2 to 5 p.m. $10, 18+. Stockroom, 2809 1/2 W. Sunset Blvd., Silver Lake.
50 Shades of Gay
The pun was too obvious. It had to be done. 50 Shades Of Gay is a Valentine's Day tour from Out & About Tours, an LGBT tour group. Attendees meet up at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza (1125 N. McCadden Place) in Hollywood and kick the day off with a glass of champagne. The tour then hits up an erotic art gallery and gets an education in lesbian love. There will be snacks as well as free drinks along the way, so it sounds like a pretty perfect day.
Feb. 14, 1 to 4 p.m., 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood. 12:30 p.m., $65. Call 1-844-GAY-TOUR.
Maybe you want to see the film, but you don’t want anyone to know you’re seeing it. If that’s the case, you might want to check out Sportsheets International's private screening. Sportsheets manufactures kinky adult products, but they’re also hosting a screening of the film at 5:30 p.m. on the 13th at the Cinemark Huntington Beach Theatre inside the Bella Terra mall. Why? Because Sportsheets has made a huge amount of money selling grey ties and party masks and other sex props related to the novel, that's why! You can RSVP by emailing email@example.com. If you're one of the first 50 to show up, you'll get a gift bag. Ooh-la-la.
Sportsheets International's 'Fifty Shades' Screening. Cinemark Huntington Beach. Free.
Get Drunk On '50 Shades Of Grapes'
Put down those Ben-Wa balls, because wine is now a part of the 'Fifty Shades' mega empire. You can choose between white silk and red satin, and then get drunk until the movie is palatable. A bottle of either variety costs $18 online, or you can pick them up at BevMo!, a proud carrier of the two wines. The Red Satin is described as a Petite Sirah and Syrah blend, aged in new, seasoned French oak barrels. The white is a sweeter Gewürztraminer and Sauvignon Blanc blend. Both will get you drunk.
Watch 'Fifty Shades' With Your Lover
If you pay $100, you and your lover (or whoever, really—bring Grandma!) can go see the film at Cinepolis on Valentine's Day at 2, 5 or 8 p.m. (though show times may vary at the different locations in Westlake, Laguna Noel and Rancho Santa Margarita). You will receive a bottle of that aforementioned wine, a dessert to share and a blanket. That sounds like a great idea: give a bunch of couples watching a sex movie wine and then a blanket. I'm sure no one will do anything weird under the blanket. We're all adults here and besides, movie theaters are chilly.
Watch the film at Cinepolis. Locations vary. $100. For reservations, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Protest The Movie!
Common enemies make strange bedfellows and that's never been truer than with Fifty Shades of Grey. Pearl-clutching moralists and whip-cracking dommes alike don't like this movie, but for entirely different reasons. Practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle say that this book wildly misrepresents their scene in numerous ways and accuse main character Christian Grey of being emotionally abusive. There is a group of S&M lifestylers meeting up at Tom 'n Tom's (yes, Tom 'n Tom's) in Little Tokyo to protest the film's release. They encourage participants not to dress up in their favorite bedroom outfits as that will only further serve to stereotype them. The first protest is being held tonight at 6 pm, and there's supposed to be another one on Valentine's Day.
Protest the film. Tom 'n Toms, Little Tokyo.
Watch This Trailer With Steve Buscemi Instead Of Jamie Dornan
If there's one thing you should definitely do, it's watch this trailer. It's hilarious: