In the midst of a loneliness epidemic, many Americans are lonely. But men — though hard for them to admit it — tend to be the loneliest.
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Lukas Rychvalsky
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Via Unsplash
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Topline:
In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, many Americans are lonely. But men — though hard for them to admit it — tend to be the loneliest. We explore some underlying reasons why, and how men are finding ways to deal with by forging new friendships.
Why it matters: A 2023 report from the organization Equimondo found that two-thirds of surveyed men between ages 18 and 23 say “no one really knows me.” According to a 2021 report by the Survey Center on American Life, one in seven men say they have no close friends. For comparison, 30 years ago, more than half of men surveyed reported having at least six close friends. (Some have called it a “friendship recession.”)
This isn’t limited to one subgroup of men either. While the root causes may differ, these feelings of loneliness are felt across different age groups as well as racial, ethnic, cultural and sexual identities: Black men report feelings of isolation as do Latino men and men who identify as LGBTQ. And fifteen percent of young men under the age of 30 say they don’t have a single close friend.
Such feelings can lead to other mental, psychological and physical challenges: alcohol and/or drug abuse; depression. Men are four times more likely to take their own lives compared to women, according to the Centers for Disease Control. (Elderly men over the age of 85 are 17 times more likely to take their own lives than women of a similar age).
#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel speaks to experts in the male experience to unpack the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections. If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs immediate help, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or visit the 988 website for online chat.
Why Are Men So Lonely These Days?
#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel speaks to experts in the male experience to unpack the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections. If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs immediate help, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or visit the 988 website for online chat.
#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel unpacks the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections.
Listen to the How to LA episode
#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel unpacks the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections.
When Dave Pidancet's third son was born early last year, he knew something had to change.
With now three children under 6, he struggled with feelings of isolation and loneliness as a stay-at-home dad in Mar Vista. He found himself going long stretches of time surrounded by kids, not interacting with another adult.
“For men especially, it's a little embarrassing to admit that we're lonely or that we need a friend,” Pidancet says. “We might invent some reasons for why we're not reaching out and getting out of the house, like we’re too busy, our kids need us, the house is falling apart.”
But as research about the nationwide loneliness epidemic mounted, he decided to take action and “push through the awkwardness,” as he put it. He attempted to talk about these feelings with other dads.
It was within these conversations that he realized nearly every man he spoke to was, to some extent, in the same pain.
“It's almost like an unspoken ache that we might have,” he says. “Men really value their independence and their ability to take care of other people. In general, men are reluctant to ask for help.”
How, and to what extent, are men struggling?
In the midst of a loneliness epidemic, many Americans are lonely. But men — though hard for them to admit it — tend to be the loneliest.
“Many men, and especially younger men, feel disconnected and very often uncertain of their purpose in life,” said Richard Reeves, writer, professor and president of the American Institute for Boys and Men. “They have fewer friends, they're less likely to be in a romantic relationship, and they're unclear about their path.”
A 2023 report from the organization Equimondo found that two-thirds of surveyed men between ages 18 and 23 say “no one really knows me.” According to a 2021 report by the Survey Center on American Life, one in seven men say they have no close friends. For comparison, 30 years ago, more than half of men surveyed reported having at least six close friends. (Some have called it a “friendship recession.”)
This isn’t limited to one subgroup of men either. While the root causes may differ, these feelings of loneliness are felt across different age groups as well as racial, ethnic, cultural and sexual identities: Black men report feelings of isolation as do Latino men and men who identify as LGBTQ. And 15% of young men under the age of 30 say they don’t have a single close friend.
Such feelings can lead to other mental, psychological and physical challenges: alcohol and/or drug abuse; depression. Men are four times more likely to take their own lives compared to women, according to the Centers for Disease Control. (Men over the age of 85 are 17 times more likely to take their own lives than women of a similar age).
“Although a lot of men will put a brave face on it when you really talk to them about it, what you'll find is that face is very often masking a lot of uncertainty and isolation,” Reeves says. “Which put together can lead to a real loss of purpose.”
What's underneath male loneliness
So why are men so lonely these days?
The answer is complex and somewhat amorphous. But some point to one simple trend: The dwindling number of places for men to make friends with other men.
“A lot of those places we used to hang out or congregate at have kind of eroded,” says Shannon Carpenter, author of The Ultimate Stay-At-Home Dad.
As a stay-at-home dad of three, Carpenter struggled to find advice for fathers of all walks of life who wanted to be more involved with their families. After joining a local dads group — which he’s now been a part of for 16 years — he saw that fathers were all yearning for some direction and companionship in a new era of gender dynamics.
As women have become more independent and social norms have changed — “which is a good thing,” Carpenter emphasizes — some men have been left feeling adrift, unsure of how they now fit in, he says.
“And this is not a problem for women to fix,” he says. “It’s a problem for men to fix.”
Over the past several decades, the spaces that once anchored men’s lives — church, work, male-only social clubs, etc. — have become less central, or in some cases, obsolete. Disconnected from these institutions that once provided naturally borne friendships with other men, many men are now struggling to find connections.
“We have underestimated the extent to which the institutions of the workplace and the family, maybe even some religious institutions have actually provided spaces where male friendships were formed almost automatically,” Reeves says. “To some extent the male loneliness crisis is a reflection of a kind of broader institutional crisis that faces many men.”
Research shows that men do in fact have a harder time making friends and deep connections compared to women. Reeves adds that historically, friendships have been seen as “women’s work,” with women traditionally acting as a sort of social organizer for the family.
“As that's becoming less and less true, that has exposed the fact that maybe many men lack the skills or the institutions or the habits that are required to sustain those friendships,” he says. “What you're seeing is just this whole period in which men are having to figure this out for themselves in a way that we just haven't in previous generations.”
Rise of men's groups
In the midst of this epidemic within an epidemic, one thing is clear: Men need other men.
Given the troubled, sexist history of some places where men have historically fraternized, it’s easy to scoff at the idea that men need more spaces to gather to be around other men, Reeves warns.
But men really do need help. “We have to address the root causes or things don’t change,” Carpenter says. “And that’s a hard thing to do, because then you have to convince men to be vulnerable.”
For many, help looks like joining a men’s support group.
Pidancet, who is now co-organizer of L.A. Dads Group, which meets several times a month for outings with other local dads like museums, movies, play dates at a park with the kids or a “guy’s night out,” says the group has helped him feel less isolated in his role as a stay-at-home dad.
“Getting involved with the dad group helps me realize that I have something to offer the fellow parents in my life, going beyond just providing for my family,” he says. “It's brought kind of an extra layer of purpose.”
For dads and other men out there who may be struggling, Pidancet encourages them to be intentional — and “a bit bolder than you’re comfortable with” — about building relationships.
Members of L.A. Dads Group out with their kids.
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David Pidancet
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L.A. Dads Group
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“Actually reach out to send that text message to your friend you haven't heard from in a long time, or to strike up a conversation with that dad that you saw at the pickup,” he urges. “That other person is probably looking for the same thing that you are. He's also looking for connection.”
Beyond making a point to reach out to others, men must also be careful to not hyperfocus their lives on work, Carpenter says, “which is easy for them to do.”
“Work is honorable, it gets you where you want to be, but you cannot neglect yourself when you do it,” he adds. “Carve out time for yourself and go find your people.
The importance of fostering male friendships goes beyond just benefitting the men involved, Reeves says. These connections are where men can learn the emotional skills to be good partners, parents, employers and thrive in other roles that are crucial for a healthy society.
“There's a real danger that we're missing some of the fragile beauty of male friendship,” he says. “Male friendships perhaps require a little bit more work and a little bit more support, but by God, is it worth it.”
Other stories in this series
Loneliness In Cities Is Real. Four Ways To Work Through It.
Dating In LA Can Suck. Ever Try Speed Dating? Here Are Some Tips
From A ‘Lonely Road’ To An Artist Haven: How This Music Community Helps Angelenos Feel Less Alone
Elly Yu
reports on early childhood. From housing to health, she covers issues facing the youngest Angelenos and their families.
Published January 26, 2026 5:00 AM
At least 280 childcare facilities were destroyed or damaged in the Palisades and Eaton fires.
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Libby Rainey
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LAist
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Topline:
Governor Gavin Newsom is proposing $11. 5 million in next year’s budget to help rebuild child care centers affected by the fires last January.
The backstory: At least 40 childcare facilities were destroyed in the Palisades and Eaton fires, and more than 200 were damaged. Providers have struggled to reopen, even a year later, especially those who ran their businesses out of their homes that then burned down. They have called on the state for assistance. Some providers did receive payments from the state for 30 days after the L.A. fires, after which point the governor’s office directed them to an unemployment phone line.
“We fought hard to win this funding and will continue to advocate for policies and funding that ensure the state is better prepared to support providers and families in the immediate aftermath of future disasters,” said Claudia Alvarado, a child care provider with the union Child Care Providers United.
What’s next: Lawmakers have until June 15 to agree on and pass the state’s budget.
This week, check out Cat Video Fest, Grammy Week, a Bridgerton ice cream social, Katherine Ryan at the Wilshire Ebell and more.
Highlights:
The L.A. Central Library is turning 100 this year, with a number of events celebrating 100 years of learning. The kickoff includes the unveiling of a time capsule that was placed in the building’s cornerstone during its original construction in 1926.
Part Dear Abby, part Joan Rivers, Katherine Ryan is touring with her new special, Battleaxe.
Storied L.A. cocktail bar The Varnish closed in 2024, but you can step back behind the bar with one of its legendary mixologists, Sari Asher. This class will teach you the secrets behind three classics and provide a chance to relive the Varnish magic.
From the Upper Valley in the Foothills at Marta in Los Feliz centers on wood. The exhibit is sponsored by Angel City Lumber, a “unique lumber mill that specializes in sourcing downed trees from around L.A. County for use in community projects,” and each artist chose a section of wood that was cleared from Altadena. The invitation called upon artists to “examine the regenerative potential of a single, fundamental material” and includes works from furniture to sculpture and more.
While the rest of the country battles a real season with snow and freezing temps, we are deep into awards season, with Oscar noms already out and the Grammys coming up next weekend.
Since it’s Grammy Week, I’ll let our Licorice Pizza expert Lyndsey Parker give the lowdown for all the best music events:
Pull all the strings you can to get into the VIP parties and events around town, but there’s plenty of great tunes even for those without red carpet status. On Monday, everyone’s favorite indie-rock comic Fred Armisen is back at Largo, while Texas rockers Nothing More will take over the Belasco on Tuesday. On Wednesday, singer-songwriters Madison Cunningham and Mike Viola play the Bellwether, folk buzz band Lavender Diamond is at 2220 Arts + Archives and bluegrass star Molly Tuttle is at the Grammy Museum. On Thursday, Cannons play the Fonda, Lindsey Troy of Deap Vally is at Bardot for “It’s A School Night,” Inara George is at Zebulon, Grace Bowers plays the Troubadour, Robert Glasper plays the Blue Note and perhaps most exciting of all, Lizzie McGuire herself, Hilary Duff, makes her comeback at the Wiltern.
Thursday, January 29, 11 a.m. Mark Taper Auditorium L.A. Central Library 650 W. 5th Street, Downtown L.A. COST: FREE; MORE INFO
Downtown L.A.'s Central Library.
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Wikimedia Commons
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The L.A. Central Library is a gem in our fair city — it hosts incredible author events and artists residencies; has a dedicated teen area and a museum; and is an architectural icon. There’s an entire prize-winning book about the 1986 fire that ripped through it (one of my favorite books ever, highly recommend). And the library is turning 100 this year, with a number of events celebrating 100 years of learning. The kickoff includes the unveiling of a time capsule that was placed in the building’s cornerstone during its original construction in 1926.
Bridgerton Ice Cream Social
Thursday, January 29, 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams 1954 Hillhurst Ave., Los Feliz COST: FREE; MORE INFO
Dearest Reader, Cool down from the steamy launch of Bridgerton season 4 with a cool Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams social. The afternoon includes a performance from Vitamin String Quartet (who do those cool orchestral covers of pop songs in the show) and free scoops of the new Queen Charlotte Sponge Cake flavor.
Remember the Varnish: Cocktail intensive
Monday, January 26, 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. TalkTales Entertainment 555 N. Spring Street, Suite 106, Downtown L.A. COST: $85; MORE INFO
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Courtesy Talk Tales
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Storied L.A. cocktail bar The Varnish closed in 2024 (and if you, like me, frequented it in its mid-aughts heyday, it might be time for your first colonoscopy), but you can step back behind the bar with one of its legendary mixologists, Sari Grossman, who created balanced concoctions there for eight years. This class will teach you the secrets behind three classics and provide a chance to relive the Varnish magic.
From the Upper Valley in the Foothills
Through January 31 (open Wednesday to Saturday, 12 p.m. to 5 p.m.) Marta 3021 Rowena Ave., Los Feliz COST: FREE; MORE INFO
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Ryan Belli
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Marta
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The concept for this group show in Los Feliz centers on an element that came into singular focus following last year’s devastating Palisades and Eaton fires: wood. The exhibit is sponsored by Angel City Lumber, a “unique lumber mill that specializes in sourcing downed trees from around L.A. County for use in community projects,” and each artist chose a section of wood that was cleared from Altadena. The invitation called upon artists to “examine the regenerative potential of a single, fundamental material” and includes works from furniture to sculpture and more.
Katherine Ryan: Battleaxe
Thursday, January 29, 7 p.m. Wilshire Ebell Theatre 4401 W. 8th Street, Mid-Wilshire COST: FROM $30; MORE INFO
Full disclosure, if there’s one podcast I keep up with, it’s Katherine Ryan’s Telling Everybody Everything. Part Dear Abby, part Joan Rivers, Ryan is relatable even when she’s not. Always a little too honest, she spills about raising a family, the ups and downs of a comedy career and all the guilty pleasure celeb news you’re afraid to admit you read. The Canadian comic has been living in the UK since she was in her 20s and has a unique take on England that’s more Real Housewives than Bill Bryson. She’s touring with her new special, Battleaxe.
Transgresoras: Artists Giana De Dier and Marilyn Boror Bor with Elena Shtromberg Tuesday, January 27, 1 p.m. California Museum of Photography, UC Riverside 3824 Main Street, Riverside COST: FREE; MORE INFO
Latina women artists used the postal service starting in the 1960s to circulate their artworks and avoid censorship. Now, that work is being shown to the public in a new exhibit at UC Riverside’s California Museum of Photography. On Tuesday, there’s a free online talk with artists Giana De Dier and Marilyn Boror Bor, both featured in the exhibition, moderated by the exhibition’s co-curator Elena Shtromberg. The discussion will explore “both artists’ interventions in narratives around public space in Panama and Guatemala within the context of their broader artistic practice.” You can stream the talk for free; it will take place in Spanish with live audio translation. The show is on at the museum until February 15.
NHM Movie Night: Cat Video Fest Thursday, January 29, 5:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. Natural History Museum’s NHM Commons Theater 900 Exposition Blvd., Expo Park COST: $20; MORE INFO
Regular readers of this column know I can’t pass up a good cat event, and this one at the Natural History Museum might be the, um, lion of them all. The CatVideo Fest features 75 minutes of curated cat videos, plus the entire evening is cat-centric, with an opportunity to walk through the lauded Fierce Cats exhibit, check out local cat-friendly vendors and meet with museum educators.
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Demonstrators gather in downtown Los Angeles on Saturday night over the fatal shooting of Alex Pretti by federal agents in Minnesota.
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Jordan Rynnin
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LAist
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Topline:
Demonstrations are planned by several different local groups in SoCal today over the fatal shooting of a man by federal agents in Minnesota on Saturday morning
Read on to learn more.
Several local groups in SoCal have planned demonstrations today over the fatal shooting of a man by federal agents in Minnesota on Saturday morning.
A Kaiser Permanente employee works on a computer at Kaiser Permanente Medical Office in Manhattan Beach, California.
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Etienne Laurent
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AFP via Getty Images
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Topline:
Some 31,000 nurses and healthcare workers employed by Kaiser Permanente will begin an open-ended strike in California and Hawaii on Monday.
Why it matters: California has the largest share of picketing Kaiser workers, with about 28,000 employees.
Why now: The health system and the union representing Kaiser workers — United Nurses Associations of California & the Union of Health Care Professionals — have been negotiating for a new labor contract for months.
Some 31,000 nurses, pharmacists and healthcare workers employed by Kaiser Permanente will begin an open-ended strike tomorrow in California and Hawaii, with 28,000 of those workers in California alone.
The health system and the union representing Kaiser workers — United Nurses Associations of California & the Union of Health Care Professionals — have been negotiating for a new labor contract for months. Core bargaining issues include wages for nurses, understaffing and retirement benefits.
"Staffing's been a big problem, wages, working conditions ... and that's just to name a few," said Peter Sidhu, Executive Vice President of UNAC/UCHP. "We will have the largest open-ended healthcare strike in U.S. history."
Picketing is slated to begin at 12 local Kaiser medical facilities in the following communities: Anaheim, Baldwin Park, Downey, Fontana, Irvine, Los Angeles, Ontario, Riverside, Harbor City, Panorama City, West Los Angeles and Woodland Hills.
Kaiser said in a statement that their hospitals and medical offices will stay open during the strikes, but some pharmacies will close.
