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#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel unpacks the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections.

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#244: For the next installment of our series on How to Not Be Lonely in LA, we're honing in on one demographic: Men. In all the conversations we’ve been having with people about loneliness and human connection...be it with experts or every day Angelenos …this theme kept coming up: In a nation in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, A LOT of people are lonely. But men, typically, are the loneliest. How To LA producer Megan Botel unpacks the reasons why men tend to be lonelier than women, the importance of male friendships, and how men can create meaningful connections.

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When Dave Pidancet's third son was born early last year, he knew something had to change.

With now three children under 6, he struggled with feelings of isolation and loneliness as a stay-at-home dad in Mar Vista. He found himself going long stretches of time surrounded by kids, not interacting with another adult.

“For men especially, it's a little embarrassing to admit that we're lonely or that we need a friend,” Pidancet says. “We might invent some reasons for why we're not reaching out and getting out of the house, like we’re too busy, our kids need us, the house is falling apart.”

But as research about the nationwide loneliness epidemic mounted, he decided to take action and “push through the awkwardness,” as he put it. He attempted to talk about these feelings with other dads.

It was within these conversations that he realized nearly every man he spoke to was, to some extent, in the same pain.

“It's almost like an unspoken ache that we might have,” he says. “Men really value their independence and their ability to take care of other people. In general, men are reluctant to ask for help.”

How, and to what extent, are men struggling?

In the midst of a loneliness epidemic, many Americans are lonely. But men — though hard for them to admit it — tend to be the loneliest.

“Many men, and especially younger men, feel disconnected and very often uncertain of their purpose in life,” said Richard Reeves, writer, professor and president of the American Institute for Boys and Men. “They have fewer friends, they're less likely to be in a romantic relationship, and they're unclear about their path.”

A 2023 report from the organization Equimondo found that two-thirds of surveyed men between ages 18 and 23 say “no one really knows me.” According to a 2021 report by the Survey Center on American Life, one in seven men say they have no close friends. For comparison, 30 years ago, more than half of men surveyed reported having at least six close friends. (Some have called it a “friendship recession.”)

This isn’t limited to one subgroup of men either. While the root causes may differ, these feelings of loneliness are felt across different age groups as well as racial, ethnic, cultural and sexual identities: Black men report feelings of isolation as do Latino men and men who identify as LGBTQ. And 15% of young men under the age of 30 say they don’t have a single close friend.

Such feelings can lead to other mental, psychological and physical challenges: alcohol and/or drug abuse; depression. Men are four times more likely to take their own lives compared to women, according to the Centers for Disease Control. (Men over the age of 85 are 17 times more likely to take their own lives than women of a similar age).

“Although a lot of men will put a brave face on it when you really talk to them about it, what you'll find is that face is very often masking a lot of uncertainty and isolation,” Reeves says. “Which put together can lead to a real loss of purpose.”

What's underneath male loneliness

So why are men so lonely these days?

The answer is complex and somewhat amorphous. But some point to one simple trend: The dwindling number of places for men to make friends with other men.

“A lot of those places we used to hang out or congregate at have kind of eroded,” says Shannon Carpenter, author of The Ultimate Stay-At-Home Dad.

As a stay-at-home dad of three, Carpenter struggled to find advice for fathers of all walks of life who wanted to be more involved with their families. After joining a local dads group — which he’s now been a part of for 16 years — he saw that fathers were all yearning for some direction and companionship in a new era of gender dynamics.

As women have become more independent and social norms have changed — “which is a good thing,” Carpenter emphasizes — some men have been left feeling adrift, unsure of how they now fit in, he says.

“And this is not a problem for women to fix,” he says. “It’s a problem for men to fix.”

Over the past several decades, the spaces that once anchored men’s lives — church, work, male-only social clubs, etc. — have become less central, or in some cases, obsolete. Disconnected from these institutions that once provided naturally borne friendships with other men, many men are now struggling to find connections.

“We have underestimated the extent to which the institutions of the workplace and the family, maybe even some religious institutions have actually provided spaces where male friendships were formed almost automatically,” Reeves says. “To some extent the male loneliness crisis is a reflection of a kind of broader institutional crisis that faces many men.”

Research shows that men do in fact have a harder time making friends and deep connections compared to women. Reeves adds that historically, friendships have been seen as “women’s work,” with women traditionally acting as a sort of social organizer for the family.

“As that's becoming less and less true, that has exposed the fact that maybe many men lack the skills or the institutions or the habits that are required to sustain those friendships,” he says. “What you're seeing is just this whole period in which men are having to figure this out for themselves in a way that we just haven't in previous generations.”

Rise of men's groups

In the midst of this epidemic within an epidemic, one thing is clear: Men need other men.

Given the troubled, sexist history of some places where men have historically fraternized, it’s easy to scoff at the idea that men need more spaces to gather to be around other men, Reeves warns.

But men really do need help. “We have to address the root causes or things don’t change,” Carpenter says. “And that’s a hard thing to do, because then you have to convince men to be vulnerable.”

For many, help looks like joining a men’s support group.

Pidancet, who is now co-organizer of L.A. Dads Group, which meets several times a month for outings with other local dads like museums, movies, play dates at a park with the kids or a “guy’s night out,” says the group has helped him feel less isolated in his role as a stay-at-home dad.

“Getting involved with the dad group helps me realize that I have something to offer the fellow parents in my life, going beyond just providing for my family,” he says. “It's brought kind of an extra layer of purpose.”

For dads and other men out there who may be struggling, Pidancet encourages them to be intentional — and “a bit bolder than you’re comfortable with” — about building relationships.

Members of L.A. Dads Group out with their kids.

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David Pidancet

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L.A. Dads Group

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“Actually reach out to send that text message to your friend you haven't heard from in a long time, or to strike up a conversation with that dad that you saw at the pickup,” he urges. “That other person is probably looking for the same thing that you are. He's also looking for connection.”

Beyond making a point to reach out to others, men must also be careful to not hyperfocus their lives on work, Carpenter says, “which is easy for them to do.”

“Work is honorable, it gets you where you want to be, but you cannot neglect yourself when you do it,” he adds. “Carve out time for yourself and go find your people.

The importance of fostering male friendships goes beyond just benefitting the men involved, Reeves says. These connections are where men can learn the emotional skills to be good partners, parents, employers and thrive in other roles that are crucial for a healthy society.

“There's a real danger that we're missing some of the fragile beauty of male friendship,” he says. “Male friendships perhaps require a little bit more work and a little bit more support, but by God, is it worth it.”

The $360 million effort to turn Exposition Park’s largest parking lots into green space won’t be completed in time for the 2028 Olympics.

State leaders announced the multi-million dollar investment into the park in 2024, planning to prep the park for an Olympic close-up by replacing the warren of asphalt lots on Expo Park’s southern edge with an underground lot and green park land.

Now park officials say the 6-acre project now won’t break ground until 2028, after the Olympic torch is extinguished.

Expo Park and the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum will be a centerpiece of L.A.’s Olympic image in the summer of 2028. But for residents of the surrounding South L.A. neighborhoods, the park and its facilities help fill a serious need for recreation and green space.

Andrea Ambriz, general manager of the state-run park, said the park hasn’t had an investment of this kind since the 1984 Olympic Games, but that the inspiration and funding for the park project go beyond the 2028 games.

“Whatever we do now is intended in full to support the community. It’s not just for these games,” Ambriz said.

Ambriz said park officials hit pause on project planning after realizing it would not be completed before the Olympics.

State leaders are still angling to get at least some of the park freshened up in time for the Olympics, with officials announcing in January that Gov. Gavin Newsom planned to earmark $96.5 million in proposed funds for renovations in the park.

The funding, according to the governor’s proposed budget, will be used for “critical deferred maintenance” to meet code compliance and accessibility requirements.

Ambriz said the lion’s share of the money will go to rehabbing roadways, sidewalks and ramps throughout the park to ensure safe pedestrian and vehicle access.

“This is a part of what we know we need,” Ambriz said. “It is a really significant downpayment from the state.”

How will the park affect the neighborhood? 

John Noyola is a 42-year resident of the Exposition Park neighborhood who sits on the North Area Neighborhood Development Council. For him, any major overhaul of the park still feels like an abstract concept.

He’s seen news reports about the proposed changes, but heard little more.

“It hasn’t really affected us or the community,” Noyola said.

The 150-year-old Expo Park has one of the densest collections of cultural institutions in Los Angeles, said Esther Margulies, a professor of landscape architecture just across the street from the park at USC.

Four museums, including the under-construction Lucas Museum of Narrative Art, will soon share the park with the BMO Stadium and the Coliseum.

Margulies said Grand Park, in downtown Los Angeles, has begun to fill a role as a “living room for the city” in recent years, but that Expo Park is falling short of its potential.

“People should see Expo Park as a place to begin their journey of visiting Southern California and Los Angeles,” Margulies said. “This is where you should come and there should be this energy of, like, ‘Wow!’”

Changing Expo Park, Margulies said, starts with building a space that serves its community.

In its current design, the park’s best-kept green spaces sit behind the fences of its museums, Margulies said, and large asphalt expanses act as heat sinks. Major events often come at the community’s expense.

“There’s tailgating, day drinking in the park,” Margulies said. “People don’t come to the park on those days.”

Noyola, the Expo Park resident, said his family and others in the community frequent the park recreation center, pools and fields near the intersection of Vermont Avenue and Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard. He worries that construction could block parking or other access to the park spaces that are available.

He remains wary of the unintended consequences of a park remodel, especially after watching traffic spike in Inglewood when SoFi Stadium and the Intuit Dome were built.

“It would be nice,” Noyola said of the remodel. “Looking at the greater vision of LA 28, it’s needed. But at what cost?”

Southern California is in for a wet week, with the potential for what the weather service is calling "widespread" impacts.

Ahead of the heavy rain, L.A. Mayor Karen Bass has issued an evacuation warning for the Palisades, Sunset and Hurst burn scar areas due to the potential for mud and debris flows.

The warning is in effect from 9 p.m. on Sunday until 9 a.m. on Tuesday.

Storm details

When is the rain coming?

Rain is expected to arrive in Ventura and Los Angeles counties Sunday night, according to the National Weather Service.

When is the rain heaviest?

Weather forecast this week for Southern California.

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Courtesy NWS

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Moderate to heavy rain is expected early Monday, with significant snow and damaging winds starting at about 3 a.m. Heaviest impacts, including the possibility of widespread flooding and thunderstorms, are expected to last until around 9 p.m.

Rain continues all week

Light rain is expected to continue Tuesday through Friday.

Upcoming weather alerts for L.A.

• A Flood Watch will go into effect on Monday, from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.
• A Wind Advisory will go into effect Monday, from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m.
• A High Surf Advisory will go into effect Monday at 10 a.m. through Thursday, Feb. 19 at 9 a.m. for the Pacific Palisades, Playa del Rey, San Pedro and Port of Los Angeles areas. Angelenos are encouraged to avoid the ocean.
• A Gale Watch, which includes sustained surface winds near coastal areas, will go into effect Monday from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. for all inner waters near the Pacific Palisades, Playa del Rey, San Pedro and Port of Los Angeles areas. Angelenos are encouraged to avoid boating until the weather is calmer.

Today, millions of Angelenos use the Central Library downtown (which turns 100 this year) and over 70 branch locations to access the Los Angeles Public Library’s collection of over 8 million books.

But this juggernaut wasn’t created overnight. What started with just 750 books in 1872 was transformed in part because of city librarian Everett Perry, a visionary who wanted books to be easy to access. Here’s a look at how his influence can still be felt today.

A library in disarray 

Perry got the job as top librarian in L.A. after working at the New York Public Library, which opened a main building during his tenure. He was accustomed to growth.

But when he arrived in 1911, the Los Angeles Public Library was struggling. With no permanent location, it had moved several times into different rented spaces, the most recent being in the Hamburger's Department Store, where patrons had to ride an elevator to check out books in between women’s clothes and furniture.

Perry aired his grievances in a 1912 library report.

Everett Robbins Perry in 1911.

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Witzel Photo

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Los Angeles Public Library Institutional Collection

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“The modern library aims to be a vital force in a community,” he wrote. “It can not perform this function, if its usefulness is limited by an inaccessible location.”

This is an early look into his ethos as librarian. Perry was part of a progressive crop of librarians, whose ideas were shifting about how books should be stored and used by the public.

His goal was to create a library system focused on great service and that rivaled the very best on the East Coast. With others, he pushed for a central library to be built, funded by a $2 million bond measure. Voters passed that in the 1920s, which led to the creation of the impressive Art Deco building that still stands downtown.

But what was perhaps even more impressive was how he infused the building with novel ideas about how to make reading more accessible.

One key example was his decision to set up subject departments. For decades prior, libraries stored books on fixed shelves (these couldn’t be adjusted), so they were usually sorted by size or acquisition date. Libraries had only recently moved to the not-very-user-friendly Dewey decimal system.

By grouping books under subjects, Perry made it much easier for people to find what they wanted. His idea was so successful that it eventually spread to other libraries across the country.

Another innovation was where you could read the books. Perry put the circulation and card catalog area in the center of the floor, which was surrounded by book stacks and reading rooms along the edges. That meant they were next to the windows and full of natural light, which according to LAPL, wasn’t customary at the time.

The reference room of the Main Library, seen circa 1913, was in an enclosed section on the third floor of the Hamburger Building, a department store.

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Los Angeles Public Library Institutional Collection

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Building a teaching program

Perry earned a reputation as a fair, iron-fist leader who wanted top-notch library practices.

He issued a rulebook for staff that covered everything from the janitor’s responsibility to make brooms last longer to requiring librarians to go with patrons to find books.

But Perry’s legacy also includes the next generation of librarians. In 1914, he revamped an aging LAPL librarian training program into a full-fledged, accredited library school that was known as the best in California.

Artist Dean Cornwell, left, shows his proposal for the Central Library rotunda murals to city librarian Everett Perry sometime in the 1920s.

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Los Angeles Public Library Institutional Collection

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The history department at the Central Library in 1926. This was one of the largest reading rooms of the library.

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Mott Studios

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Los Angeles Public Library Legacy Collection

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He aimed to professionalize librarianship by encouraging men to apply (it had commonly been women), urging all applicants to have at least some college-level education, and creating a formal internship program. The program covered technical librarian skills, as well new coursework that compared how other libraries functioned across the country.

Perry served for over two decades until his death in 1933.

His achievements were numerous. Aside from getting the Central Library built, he grew the staff from 98 to 600, helped the 200,000-book collection balloon to 1.5 million, and added dozens of more branch libraries.

In 2018 he was inducted into the California Library Hall of Fame.

Federal immigration agents have left a U.S. Coast Guard facility that's been a key staging area for them in the Port of L.A., according to U.S. Rep. Nanette Barragan who represents the area.

Since last summer, agents have been using the base on Terminal Island as a launch point for operations.

In a statement to LAist, Barragan, a Democrat, says she confirmed with the Coast Guard last night that Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Border Patrol have vacated the base. She says it's unclear at this time whether the move is permanent or if agents are moving to another location in L.A. County.

Local officials and community groups are celebrating the agents' departure from Terminal Island. Volunteers with the Harbor Area Peace Patrols have been monitoring agent activity for months, tracking vehicles and sharing information with advocacy networks.

Earlier this week, the group said it received reports of the department.