YEAH NO, I’M NOT OK
Episode 4 Transcript: Eric Andre Wants You to Take Care of Yourself, Silly
YNINOK-004 ~ Eric Andre
Sun, 4/11 1:07PM • 50:47
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
diane, eric, laughing, people, laughter, therapy, stage, mental health, therapist, comedy, meditating, cheesecake, pain, trauma, creates, sandwich, mind, thought, talking, fell
SPEAKERS
Diane Guerrero, Clip from Eric Andre Show, Eric Andre
Diane Guerrero 00:03
Just a head's up that we are not clinical experts and, if you need professional support, there will be some links and resources listed in the podcast description. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Yeah, No, I'm Not Okay. How are you? Like, how are you? I hope you're doing better than okay but, if you're not, welcome and thank you for joining me in this experiment. You know, one thing that I keep learning is that it's so important to find community with people who understand the value of mental health. And one person I found values mental health a lot, like a whole lot is my new friend, Eric Andre. I know, right? Who knew? Eric is known for his absurdist comedy. He has The Eric Andre show on Adult Swim, as well as his new movie, Bad Trip, on Netflix. And it was so important for me that Eric come on and talk about his experience and his passion for mental health because he has some really interesting things to say about it and I wanted to share with you but first here's a clip of when we first met:
Clip from Eric Andre Show 01:26
[Eric Andre: You wanna boof this cheesecake?] [Diane: Like, eat it?] [Eric: No, boof it.] [Diane: I don't know what boof is.] [Eric: You gotta parachute into your *ss... oh, my god! Take it, take it there godammit... aaah aaah oh... and now, I've got a f***ing sugar rush {laughing}. I think you should run for President. God, it hurts to sit... Can we start over?] [Diane: Yeah, let's just take it..] [Eric: Yeah.] [Diane: Yeah] [Eric: I just feel like there's so much...] [Diane screams]
Diane Guerrero 02:06
Obviously, this left a big impression and I just had to know more. Eric!! Thank you so much.
Eric Andre 02:40
How are you? How's Atlanta? [Diane: it's good] Of course! Is the Clermont Lounge open?
Diane Guerrero 02:45
The Clermont? It is, actually. Like, Clermont Lounge is open and Swinging Richards [Eric: Oh, Wow] is open. [Eric: That's quite a night] which was... that's my favorite f***ing night. [Eric laughing] Like, can I tell you the last time I was at Swinging Richards? Like... [Eric: Man!] somebody like knocked me out with a d**k. I'm not even kidding. Like, that really happened. Well, first I got a crotch watch. [Eric laughing] And then some dude was like dancing on me or whatever. I really like this guy. He's great. Uhm... very, very large penis,
Eric Andre 03:20
Ernesto. I'm familiar [Diane: laughs] with his work.
Diane Guerrero 03:23
Yo, he really like swung it back, and like it hit me in the forehead and it... and I fell aback. Like, I was like, wha... I fell off my chair. [Eric laughing] And [Eric: How is that legal?]. Uhm... Eric, thank you so much for joining me in this podcast. 'Yeah, No, I'm Not Okay' is what we decided on.
Eric Andre 03:47
That's pretty good. [Diane: Thank you.] I think this is like my favorite topic to talk about by the way so, like, with no hesitation I signed up for this.
Diane Guerrero 03:55
Awh, that makes me very happy. This is my favorite topic because it's kind of, like, what I... I just talk about this all day long because I feel like I have to just tell people why I'm behaving the way I'm behaving on a daily basis, and it's just because I'm usually going through some mental health troubles or...
Eric Andre 04:12
You seem very stable to me. I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm actually shocked that you have any issues. I mean, we don't know each other well, [Diane: Right.] but from the... from the... from the little bit we've, we've chatted you seem you seem pretty even-keeled, especially for most actors that I know who are off the... off the... in planet Neptune. You know.
Diane Guerrero 04:32
Sure. I mean, I think that might have something to do with the fact that I was always trying to protect my family and like, always make sure that, you know... kind of always taking care of business, like whi... while they were just off, like, being.... like, living their mental illness. {Diane laughs} [Eric: Mmm] I was alwayskinda trying to protect, protect them.
Eric Andre 04:51
Are you the, uhm, the one in the family that tries to keep the family together? I don't know what the word is. Like, everybody goes to you with their problems and you have to be like the referee?
Diane Guerrero 05:02
Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I like, took on the role of like savior from a very, like, early age.
Eric Andre 05:08
But that's a lot of pressure on yourself though.
Diane Guerrero 05:10
Yeah, of course. Of course, that's not...
Eric Andre 05:12
Like, look, your you're rubbing your neck. That's all neck and back pain sh**.
Diane Guerrero 05:15
There's no... it's definitely not good for, like, someone who's trying to just act natural, and like, be themselves.
Eric Andre 05:24
What... are your... so, your parents are cuckoo or... what's up? {Diane laughs}
Diane Guerrero 05:29
Well, I feel like we've just experienced a lot of trauma at an early age. I think my parents experienced a lot of trauma at an early age and so did my brother. And so did I.
Eric Andre 05:39
Well, yeah, your parents got, like, Gestapo, like, [Diane: Yeah] ICE kicking down their door, kidnapped, basically.
Diane Guerrero 05:45
Yeah, they did get kidnapped. Yeah, exactly. [Eric: That's gnarly!] It is gnarly and, like, we... you know... they... I think they were in the States for 25 years and, like, each one of those years was like them being afraid of being captured. But yeah, there was a lot of like, hate from like, many corners.
Eric Andre 06:07
Well, you're in Boston, right? Are you from Boston?
Diane Guerrero 06:09
I'm from Boston. [Eric: Yeah!] You experienced Boston, right? You went to Berklee? [Eric: Yeah.] That's dope. I... you know, I was at Boston Arts Academy. And you graduated, '07? When did you graduate?
Eric Andre 06:21
'05. [Diane: '05] '04/'05. Yeah.
Diane Guerrero 06:23
I grad... I graduated high school, '04.
Eric Andre 06:27
Okay, we get it. You're young!
Diane Guerrero 06:28
No, no, no! I mean... [Eric laughing] Whatever! First of all, we're like...
Eric Andre 06:32
I'm one day closer to death.
Diane Guerrero 06:33
We're close. We're close in age. Okay. [Eric laughing]
Eric Andre 06:36
Did we go to... Were we in Boston at the same time?
Diane Guerrero 06:40
That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. [Eric: Oh, no way.] I was right in front of Fenway Park. That was where my school was. And you were in Berklee. And I was like, all up in Burk, like, all up in the streets of where Berklee was. I mean, I went to Spikes. You remember Spikes, the f***ing the hot dog joint. Didyou ever...
Eric Andre 06:55
Spikes I don't know. I remember Crazy Dough and Little Stevie's... Little Stevie's Pizza. [Diane: Yeah.] But, I was right on Peterborough Street, right across from Fenway. We would go to the roof and watch...try to watch the jumbotron of Red Sox games.
Diane Guerrero 07:07
Right. I was right there. Yeah. And then I... [Eric: Get the **ck outta here!] Yeah, and I would... my school would take us... like, I would... I had classes at Berklee as well. And like I... we did performances in Berklee and stuff. [Eric: No way!] Yeah!
Eric Andre 07:18
It's rat's nest. I had so many mice and rats in my... ugh, it was disgust... I lived in squalor.
Diane Guerrero 07:24
Okay. Okay. Yeah. And then, did you, like... The Fens... when you would go by The Fens and there was like weird things happening in The Fens. You found like... I remember we found a dead body or some sh** like that.
Eric Andre 07:34
No way! What?! [laughing]
Diane Guerrero 07:35
Yeah, we found lots of stuff. We found a lot of stuff. A lot of sexual activity there. [Eric: Oh, Wow!] Uhm... yo, uhm, I want to say thank you so much for having me on your show. Like... [Eric: Of course!] I...
Eric Andre 07:51
People usually don't say that after the interview.
Diane Guerrero 07:53
You know what? I actually got, like... people were really excited for me. Like, when they saw me on your show.
Eric Andre 08:01
Your publicist was not so excited. I'll tell you that much. [laughing]
Diane Guerrero 08:06
And people really, really enjoyed watching me watch you shove cheesecake up your *ss. Ever so delicately, by the way.
Eric Andre 08:14
Yeah, you know, I'm a pro. I've been there before. And I've boofed a lot of substances in my *ss.
Diane Guerrero 08:22
And now, and now I'm boofing substances in my *ss.
Eric Andre 08:24
You didn't know what boofing was and I educated you.
Diane Guerrero 08:27
I didn't. You did. I mean, and that's why you're on here 'cause I feel like you have created this incredible, uhm, space for folks. Like, first of all, you're you're smart hell, you're thoughtful. [Eric: Oh, thank you.] You've created a beautiful space for folks to... where they can relate and see themselves in your work. Uhm, and I appreciate that. [Eric: Thanks!] So, thanks for coming on.
Eric Andre 08:50
Of course! Anytime. I appreciate you.
Diane Guerrero 08:53
You did... so, you studied music at Berklee? Did you... were you playing music at a young age?
Eric Andre 09:00
Yeah, I did piano when I was five. And then I did tuba in middle school, and then cello and bass in high school, and then I went to college for bass.
Diane Guerrero 09:10
After high school, he moved to my hometown, Boston, and went to Berklee School of Music. Obviously, music is not his number one thing anymore, but he still geeks out over it.
Eric Andre 09:22
You want to see my na... my new bass? [Diane: Yeah, let me see.]
Diane Guerrero 09:28
Oh, **it. Look at that upright! [mimics upright - uh doom doom doom doom doo]
Eric Andre 09:33
Yeah, I just played the Seinfeld bassline -- buh doom boong boong boong boong bing bing bing bing bih bow bom bom bah bah, bah.
Diane Guerrero 09:41
You had to, like, carry that **it like, all [laughter] ...
Eric Andre 09:43
It sucked. What a mistake. I'm an idiot. I'm a f***ing idiot. F***ing morons.
Diane Guerrero 09:50
So, you basically saw the humor in, in you carrying that giant bass all over town. And then you decided to what? Start your career in comedy? Like, how did that happen?
Eric Andre 09:59
I was in a band. I was in a sh**ty band. Actually, we weren't sh**ty. I actually liked my band a lot. But, uhm, I think we played all of three shows in our career. And, uh, you know, we were just doing these, like, open mics all around town. I did an open mic in like Cambridge, Massachusetts, in this bar called All Asia, which I don't know if it exists anymore. But they... my band played a show there, and I saw a flyer there that said, 'open mic comedy night', and I was like, "hmm, let me give that a whirl." And I tried it. I tried doing stand-up, and I fell in love with it instantly. The only reason I stood up, like, fell in love with it instantly, though, is because I invited my friends to the first few shows I did. And I was like, "I'm a funny mother****er", and then the very... like, the fifth show I ever did where my friends weren't there in the audience -- and I did it for a bunch of strangers -- also in Cambridge, at this place called Comedy Studio across from Harvard. Uh, I bombed so hard! Like, it's... so unbelievably hard, and then had a panic attack on stage. And it was just like, arrgh arrgh arrgh, and then... but, I knew I just had to, like, get over my stage fright and I just committed to it. And, I don't know, I just fell in love with stand-up right away and realized that, like, the music industry I felt like there was no rhyme--this is as I'm finishing college--I just felt like there was no rhyme or reason to who made it and who didn't make it in the music industry. Because I knew, like, really, really virtuosic performers and amazing songwriters that were like totally poverty stricken. And like, whoever... Ashlee Simpson or some Justin Bieber schmuck was, like, you know, a multimillionaire from it. So I was like, there's no rhyme or reason to this, but I felt comedy, if I get really funny, I'll at least have like... I'll at least get a job doing something. Writing for a show on cable or something. I'll be able to do something with this rather than upright bass, which is, like, I'm just going to be playing weddings, and like teaching jaded teenagers their scales. Like, it just didn't... I was just looking at my future and I was, like... and I wanted to move to New York City, which I did right as I finished college. So, I was like, I don't know... comedy just... it, it lit up my brain in a different way. I really liked...
Diane Guerrero 12:24
But, were you always funny?
Eric Andre 12:25
I was always the class clown. [Diane: Yeah.] That doesn't mean I was always funny. I thought I was funny {laughing}. [Diane: Right, right.] I was, but I always got class clown award, like, since kindergarten. [Diane: Do you do...] I was so spastic in school? I was like {jibberish}. You know why? Because in the 80s, my diet was like apple juice, orange juice and peanut butter & jelly. Like, only sugar. So, I was just like {jibberish}, bouncing off the walls, and I would get straight A's. I would like do my homework really fast in class. And like, as the teacher was teaching the lesson, and then like, finish it and turn it in, the homework that was due like the next week, and then I just {jibberish}.
Diane Guerrero 13:02
And you just wanted to mess around?
Eric Andre 13:06
I was such a spaz. I was f***ing nuts.
Diane Guerrero 13:09
Did you... did you have, like, ADD or anything like that growing up? {laughing} [Eric: Yeah, yeah]. Yeah?
Eric Andre 13:16
Isn't that obvious? You've seen my show. I've seen your show. I'm like a f***ing goldfish with my attention span. I'm like, uh uh what's that? {jibberish} [Diane: Yeah.] I tried to do Adderall. It doesn't... doesn't work for me.
Diane Guerrero 13:29
So, were you like, uhm... just thinking about your childhood. I mean, you said your dad was a psychiatrist.
Eric Andre 13:36
He was, yes. [Diane: Right.] He just retired. Yeah.
Diane Guerrero 13:39
And so like, would he just, like... if you were like acting up or, like, showing signs... like, you talk... you also talk about being... experiencing some anxiety. Like, what... would your dad just be like, "here, take this pill?"
Eric Andre 13:52
No, not at all. He really didn't like want to talk about work. He didn't bring his work home with him. But, also, my dad was very aloof and absent in my childhood. He was just like... my dad is, like, old school, Caribbean. He's from Haiti. And like, his dad had... his parents had 100 kids. Like, my dad has like 100 siblings, and like, he grew up where your parents... your dad kind of just ignores you and you don't speak until spoken to. He grew up in like an old school, Catholic, Caribbean thing. So like, he didn't interact with me until I was like 25. He kind of just like ignored me. Completely.
Diane Guerrero 14:27
Did that affect you? [Eric: Yeah {laughing}]
Eric Andre 14:28
[laughing] Look at me! Oh, yeah, I'm doing fine. [more laughter] I didn't pick, like, a healthy, normal person career. You know what I mean? We're constantly, like, "Hey, I'm searching for validation from strangers." [laughter] You know? So...
Diane Guerrero 14:51
So, then do you, like... so, did you experience, like, mental health problems as a kid then? Were you feeling anxiety then?
Eric Andre 14:58
Yeah, I always had anxiety, and I don't know why it took me so long to figure out the importance of going to therapy. You know what? It really took until I moved here. So, I went to college at Boston, I lived in New York for five years, and I came to LA and I when I started auditioning, I was so bad. No one's worse at auditioning than me. I'm dreadful! [Diane: I'm worse than you.] There's no way! I want to like dig up an old audition tape and show you how bad I am. Like, like, delivering the lines into the camera like, dry swallowing. Like, looking at the sides like, ha ha aah. I was a f***ing mess, especially when I started out. I was a f***ing mess. I had no idea what I was doing. I was so bad at it. And, and falling down from, like, having panic attacks in every single... putting so much pressure on myself and having panic attacks in every single audition that I was like, there's no way... there's something wrong. There's no way I'm gonna be able to make this a career if... If I can't, like, if I have like such bad stage fright. And then my acting teacher was like, "Why don't you go to fucking therapy? What are you doing?" And I was like, "Oh, yeah, duh,!" And then as soon as I started going to therapy, it was like such a release off my shoulder. My first therapist told me like, why don't you start meditating. I started meditating. I still meditate twice a day, and just like everything aligned, and then I started booking things, and then I started actually having somewhat of a career. Then I sold the Eric Andre Show and... but, it all came from mental health. That's why I'm so... I think this is, like, the possibly... the most important podcast I'm doing because I think once I started prioritizing mental health, and realizing that no, mental health has to come first. Like, it's not about like... when I'm, like, preparing for an audition. I'm not like, "oh, I gotta memorize my lines first, or I gotta rehearse with my buddy first." No, it's like, mental health has to come first. I gotta like kick my day off meditating. I should journal. I'm a... I'm a real hippie. I mean, I do like, like Chi Gong and Tai Chi to like, kind of like f***ing mentally balance, and stuff like that. There's a couple books I read that I think are like, so important. I'm a big like, uhm... there's this guy, Dr. John Sarno, who wrote 'Healing Back Pain', which is a book that changed my life because I had like crippling back pain from, uhm... the... the short and long of it... I'll try to like sum up the book very succinctly. It's like, basically, your body experiences these chronic pains like back pain, or neck pain, or allergies, or colitis, or ulcers, or fibromyalgia because it is trying to create distractions from undesirable emotions repressed and suppressed in your subconscious mind. And one of the main emotions is rage. And your rage comes from just the pressure you put on yourself to be like the best you can be, or like be a... be an actor, be a musician or whatever. Whatever you're pursuing. It creates rage inside because you're id, your childlike mind, resents all that pressure you put on yourself. Another... another personality type is, like, what we were talking about with your situation, where like, the person in the family that always tries to be like the referee, and tries to balance everybody in the family, and takes on all the family's problems, and tries to play mediator. Like, your your subconscious resents that position. And that creates internal rage in your subconscious mind and creates all these pains. So anyway, when I was like, in my mid 20s/late 20s, I started figuring out prioritize mental health, that comes first, and then everything else comes after because if you're not happy, there's no point to do anything. [Diane: Totally.] So, that's my... that's my [Diane: Oh, my gosh.] speech. Yeah.
Diane Guerrero 19:04
That's amazing. [Eric: Yeah.] I can relate to that too. I have some physical pain.
Eric Andre 19:08
Yeah, so basically, the pain is real. You are experiencing real pain. However, the cause of the pain is not coming from the little area. The cause of the pain is undesirable emotions, you know, suppressed in your subconscious mind. So, the cure is therapy and journaling, what you do is voluntarily, instead of involuntarily, you voluntarily bring all those, those topics your mind's avoiding up to the surface via journaling, or via therapy or both. So you're like... well, this is really corny, I maybe oversharing. But like, I wrote, like, one of the first things I did, I wrote a letter to my dad that I would never send to him. Like, f**k you, Dad, you were never there for me. That kind of s**t. And I just wrote a letter. And like, I knew I was never gonna send it to him. I wrote it all out; everything I was ever pissed about from f***ing year zero to now. Or, like, you know, I wrote a letter to like the school bully that I never planned on sending. You just get that s**t all out. And at first, it's really stressful getting it out. You're really... it's really painful when it starts coming out, 'cause you're all your mind has ever done up until that point is trying to suppress it. So, at first your body's gonna start fighting and you're gonna have more pain and more stress. You're gonna start crying. I broke out in hives one time during a breakup, but like my, my face closed up. You're gonna have more pain at first, but that's just your body's last attempt of suppressing all that stuff. But what you really want to do is you want to voluntarily bring... dig that dirt up, bring it to your conscious mind and there's like... I think there's like a physiological component where it actually... your trauma crosses from one hemisphere of the brain to the other and like, travels down the spine, and then you process the trauma. And then you're... you have like, this great, like, sense of relief afterwards. I mean, this is like...this took me like, more than 15 years of therapy to get here. And I'm still figuring myself out. But... [Diane: Right.]
Diane Guerrero 21:16
Were you like formally diagnosed with anything?
Eric Andre 21:20
No, my therapist is strange, like, they always, like, tease out my diagnosis, but I think they don't want me to, like, pathologize myself too much 'cause that would, like, just create more anxiety. [Diane: Right.] You know. I have anxiety and, and have like an obsessive compulsive thought process and, like, the two kind of go hand-in-hand. Like, my anxiety is a way to cope with my obsessive... no, my obsessive compulsive thinking is a way to process my anxiety or vers... vice versa. Uhm, and I'm a bit ADD, but my therapist always comes around to, like, but don't get tripped up on that. [Diane: Right.] It's almost not important. [Diane: Right] You know. [Diane: Like labeling s**t.] Yeah. I mean, if you have schizophrenia or Bipolar 2 Disorder, then yeah, you probably want to get diagnosed, and you want to get on some kind of medication, 'cause that's a pretty serious chemical thing going on in your brain, you know. [Diane: Right.] So that... that's, I think, a different bag. But that's the sad... that's sadder for me, people that are like undiagnosed bipolar 'cause they live a torturous life. That is f***ing tough. That is not easy to do without, like, proper medical treatment.
Diane Guerrero 22:35
I agree. Some people find it helpful to put a label on their diagnosis and others don't. And I'm sure, in some cases, it's helpful to know what's going on.
Eric Andre 22:46
Yeah, I've watched, like, Kanye West interviews now, and I'm just like, man, I hope that guy finds the right doctor and, like... like, steps up to the... ya know. I think he finally did, but, like, the last few interviews when he was... when he was in like Trump's office, and he's talking [Diane: Right] to Trump and he's like, "Hey, man, it's like, we're all connected like, fractal geometry, man. Yeah. Pi = 3.1415." I was like, Oh! [Diane: Yeah] Man, that's rough. And I think, like, Black and Brown people have a tough time. Like, if you pitch them therapy, they're like, I don't need that **it! I got a strong mind." And it's like, it's not about having a strong or weak mind. That's like the opposite. It's like, inner peace, as hippie dippie as it sounds. But I think people from like a tough background too, they think that's like a sign of weakness, and they, like, are very reluctant to tell a complete stranger about all their traumas. But it's kind of like, that's who needs it the most? [Diane: That's who needs it the most.] Yeah, like the trauma. I remember Kendrick Lamar was on Howard Stern talking about his childhood and Howard Stern stopped him, and he's like, "it's like you grew up in a war zone", talking about growing up in Compton in, like, the early 90s or whatever. Like, he's like... it's like... it's like not that much different than growing up in, like, Fallujah or Baghdad during the... during the Iraq War. You know what I mean? The amount of like, death that he saw every day, and he's like, that trauma, that builds up. You know. So, therapy's just a way to process the trauma and get, like, that relief. Your brain needs it. It's like going to the gym.
Diane Guerrero 24:21
Yeah, and yeah, it's... or going to the cleaners. It's like, you gotta like... maybe the cleaners isn't a good example. [Eric: Yeah, the cleaners is good] But, you gotta... you gotta shed or taking a shower. I don't know. You got to f***ing shed all of that dirt!
Eric Andre 24:32
You shower at cleaners in the gym. [Laughter]
Diane Guerrero 24:36
I feel like we have a lot of the same things going on. Uhm...
Eric Andre 24:40
Yeah. I'm an Aries. Bit of a something moon sign. Dragon. Fire. I don't think I know any Aries. Uhm, I kinda. Yeah, I don't know what any of that s**t means.
Diane Guerrero 24:54
It means something. [Eric: Yeah?] It means something.
Eric Andre 24:56
Namaste.
Diane Guerrero 24:58
Speaking of zodiac signs and, uhm, things like that, I saw that you posted a very beautiful Valentine [Eric: Yes.] the other day. I gotta admit, though, I was kind of like a little miffed about it. I was just like, [huffs] okay. [Eric laughs]
Eric Andre 25:17
You got a... you got a Valentine.
Diane Guerrero 25:18
It doesn't matter what I do, Eric. Okay? [Eric laughs] It matters what you do and what you... what everybody else is doing to me. [Eric laughs] Uhm, are you in a relationship? [Eric: Yeah.] Okay, that's nice. I love that. I love that for you. [Eric: Thank you.] How is it? How is it? I mean... I mean, you're... what... you're meditating what, twice a day?
Eric Andre 25:41
Yes.
Diane Guerrero 25:43
Uhm, and you're going to therapy how many times a week?
Eric Andre 25:46
I used to go three times a week. I'm going, like, once a week now.
Diane Guerrero 25:50
Okay, that's still really good.
Eric Andre 25:52
I used to... used to book double. So, I'm talking two-hour sessions.
Diane Guerrero 25:55
I know what you mean. I'd be doing two. Like, my therapist actually had to tell me, like, if we... that we should cut our sessions to like, from an hour and a half to just an hour and I was just like, "what are you talking about?" [Laughter]
Eric Andre 26:09
You were like, "don't leave me."
Diane Guerrero 26:11
We were doing two hours, and she's like, "I think you could... do I think you could do an hour and a half now." And I was, like, pissed about that.
Eric Andre 26:16
You're like, I'm not f***ing leaving. [Diane: Like, I'm not f***ing ready! Uhm...]You lock the door from the inside.
Diane Guerrero 26:21
But it's good. It's good. It's good. That means that, like, you're doing something right. Uhm, how is that with your, like, relationship though? Like, I mean... I know, like, even... even, even if I do like... [Eric: You were so jealous. It's so adorable.] I'm... I'm burning up inside. [Laughing] I'm literally...
Eric Andre 26:37
You're sweating, you're tugging at your collar. [Laughter]
Diane Guerrero 26:40
I'm so upset about you having relationship. Uhm, how does that work? 'Cause I know that [Eric is laughing] even though I'm still in therapy, and even though, uhm, I'm working on myself, and I'm healing...
Eric Andre 26:54
Are you married?
Diane Guerrero 26:55
No, I'm not married, but I'm in a relationship.
Eric Andre 26:57
Yeah? How long, how long, how long you been going? [Diane: Okay] You guys going strong?
Diane Guerrero 27:01
Yeah. Four years.
Eric Andre 27:02
So, you moved... you've moved in?
Diane Guerrero 27:04
Oh, yeah.
Eric Andre 27:05
Share a dog?
Diane Guerrero 27:06
Two dogs.
Eric Andre 27:08
That's big.
Diane Guerrero 27:09
That's huge.
Eric Andre 27:10
And you're pregnant? I'm not pregnant. That's what I heard though.
Diane Guerrero 27:13
Okay, I heard you're pregnant.
Eric Andre 27:14
That's what I read and I heard you were announcing... {laughter} [Diane: I heard you were announcing your pregnancy.] Are you gonna have children with this man? The audience needs to know!
Diane Guerrero 27:27
Eric, I'm asking you about your f***ing relationship. Okay? Not mine.
Eric Andre 27:32
Where is he? And why didn't you post a Valentine's Day pic? That's what the world... that's what our aud... that's what your audience wants to know.
Diane Guerrero 27:38
Oh, so but I thought you just said I also posted a Valentine's Day. Are you on my Instagram right now? Do you see that I didn't?
Eric Andre 27:44
I see that you didn't. And I've... I talked to your man and he was pretty upset.
Diane Guerrero 27:48
Uhm, we're not the kind to, like, [Eric: uh huh] announce our love all over the internet. [Eric: That's not... that's not what he said. That's not what he said.] Uhm, he's cool with that.
Eric Andre 27:57
Play Zoom pok... we play Zoom poker. [Diane: Okay.] We have a poker night and he was pretty... I'm gonna assume His name is Dave. Let's say his name is Dave.
Diane Guerrero 28:05
Why did... why did you post... Why did you post a valentines on, on IG? Was that something... 'cause I've never even seen you post anything like, like that or anything romantic. Why did you post it this time? I don't think we're talking about me right now. I think we are talking about you [Eric laughing]. This is the Eric Andre Show. You make it the Eric Andre Show wherever you go. [Eric laughing] So... Well, my... well, my real question was, like, how do you make relationships work? Like, I know it's hard. Why I didn't post a Valentine's Day that day? Because probably I was... I was probably being an asshole. I was probably like my, we call her that girl, which is like, you know, the rage, anger inside me that usually travels in the backseat. Uhm, and I know that it takes it takes a lot of work. Is that... do you find it hard to be in relationships [laughter], as hard as it's... hard... as hard as it is for me?
Eric Andre 28:59
Both of us are, like, awkwardly tap dancing through this conversation. Uhm, uh, yeah, I think it's... I think that for everybody. You know what I mean, I think... [laughter]
Diane Guerrero 29:14
I' m asking for you. Do you guys do like couples therapy? Like, are you... are you... are you on that... So, how long have you been with your partner?
Eric Andre 29:27
Uhm, like... like, a year.
Diane Guerrero 29:30
Okay. Are you guys doing couples therapy yet?
Eric Andre 29:34
No.
Diane Guerrero 29:34
Is that something you're open to?
Eric Andre 29:36
Oh, yeah, of course. [Diane: Okay.] I think that's like, almost should be like necessary.
Diane Guerrero 29:44
It is. [Right? Like...] Yeah, absolutely.
Eric Andre 29:47
How do you get... how do you traverse it?
Diane Guerrero 29:51
But, you will say that meditation makes dating easier being in relationship, you think?
Eric Andre 30:00
Well, I think makes everything easier. I think like, it reduces your anxiety. It helps you process your thoughts. It helps with insomnia, you know, sleep hygiene. It helps with your bull**it tolerance. I can... I can kind of deal with more bull**it throughout the day. It doesn't make you perfect. It's not a magic wand, but it makes life... coping with life a little easier. I think.
Diane Guerrero 30:40
Coming up, how Eric Andre thinks we can make mental health sexy. So Eric, can you tell me about this kind of meditation that you do? It's called transcendental meditation, right?
Eric Andre 30:57
Yes.
Diane Guerrero 30:58
Can you explain what it is?
Eric Andre 31:00
I hang upside down like a bat, [Diane laughs] and I, uhm, I slice one of my fingers open and then the blood drips into a candle. And then I turn on the movie, Interview With A Vampire. And then I say, Lo... [Diane: Not Blacula?] and then Blacula, and then Dracula. Uhm, no, it's actually very simple. You sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. I took a class and the guy gave me a mantra. If you don't have a mantra, you can just focus on your breath. You just want to... either a breath or a mantra, it's kind of the same thing. It's kind of like this meaningless, simple, minimal thing for your mind to focus on. So, sit comfortably, close your eyes, then start breathing. You don't gotta breathe fast or slow. Just breathe regular. Think of the inhale. Think of the exhale. Think of the inhale. Think of the exhale. You can give it a color if that helps you think about it. And then slowly, but surely, your mind will start to wander. Thoughts will come in and out of your mind, like ships on an ocean. And you don't judge the thoughts. They can be stressful thoughts, and that's actually healthy. That's your body. That's your mind processing stress. They can be positive thoughts. They can be neutral thoughts. You don't judge the thoughts. You just let them come and go. And then slowly, once you're like, Oh, yeah, I'm meditating, I'm thinking thoughts, then you slowly go back to the breath-- in out/in out. The biggest complaint is, people go, oh, but I fall asleep during meditation. That's kind of one of the best outcomes you could have. That means you're sleep deprived. If you fall asleep during meditation, it means you're sleep deprived. If you're thinking negative thoughts during meditation, that's great. That means you're processing a lot of stressful thoughts. If you're uncomfortable, and you gotta scratch your nose, or you're not sitting comfortable, scratch your nose, stretch your legs, shift around. You can shift as much as you want to. The only thing you don't want to do when you're meditating is like lie down completely, like you're taking a nap 'cause you will take a nap. You want to be, like, seated, but just seat... you don't have to sit like full lotus like you're a monk, like, from from like 17th century Nepal. Just sit, like, how you're like watching TV. Like, sit on your couch, sit in the chair. It's really, really simple. And you don't have to do 20 minutes a day, you can do one minute a day. They start out by just doing one minute a day, and then build to five minutes, and then build to 10 minutes, and then build the 20 minutes. But, uh, it's really easy. And I think people have a lot of... people think it's like, okay, you sit like full lotus in this uncomfortable, unnatural position, and you have to force... you can't think about anything, you have to free your mind of all thoughts, and if any thought came in, you f***ed up. But, uh, that's like... it's like the opposite of that.
Diane Guerrero 33:30
I love that. That's... that's me. I've been meditating too. Uhm, and actually, I just recorded this because I'm submitting it to Headspace for you. I think you should be one of the voices on Headspace because...
Eric Andre 33:42
Oh, that's cool. I've never done I've never done Headspace because, uh, I'm not... I'm not against, I think like all roads lead to the same thing. Whatever works for you, works for you. I'm not anti-Headspace at all. I just don't like my phone on while I meditate. [Diane: Yeah.] I don't like... I want to, like, avoid electronics.
Diane Guerrero 34:00
You know what I gotta say I f***ed up this Valentine's Day. I'm sorry. I messed it up. [Eric: Yeah, I mean, you know I was pretty upset.] Okay. I got I just can't. I was gonna post something and I just got really grossed out with everybody posting shit. Like everybody knows me and my love, and I'm like, ugh! F***ing Kate Hudson was like, she had this video of, like, her and her man walking through a forest or some s**t. And like, you know that video where like some... your man's videotaping you and you're pulling your man from... with... [Eric: Oh, yeah, take my arm or whatever it's called.] with the hand... take my hand. Ugh! I saw that.
Eric Andre 34:35
Live, laugh, love. [laughter]
Diane Guerrero 34:36
I just saw, like my whole life just... I don't like... I can't do this to myself because it didn't feel... it didn't feel natural at that point. I do have a problem with, like, sharing my personal life like that [Eric: Of course.] online.
Eric Andre 34:50
No, it's a... it's a tricky... totally. I'm just... I'm busting your chops. [Diane: No, I know.] It's a hard... it's a hard needle to thread. You got to figure out, like, what is like fun and, like, makes me personable, and relatable, and fun to share and what is, like, oversharing, and like an invasion of my own privacy. It's like, [Diane: people comment.] I would never put my niece or nephew on my [Diane: Right.] IG... really, my... my sister, Eve. I put my parents on a couple times. And that was me being like, risque, but you know.
Diane Guerrero 35:25
I know. It makes me... I just don't like people commenting on and... and maybe this is part of my problem. Like, I should not give a s**t what people say. I just like... you can say anything you want about me but, like, as soon as you, like, comment something negatively about somebody that I love or care about, like, that just makes me so angry, and it makes me hide. It makes me hide even more. So, I just... I worry that if I post a picture that's so intimate that it's gonna make me just... [Eric: You can, you can disable comments.] Yeah, but then... No, you're right. Okay, I can do that. Maybe I'll... maybe i'll, i'll disable the comments and put a whole family picture up there on my...
Eric Andre 36:02
It's not as fun. It's not as fun [Diane: It's not as fun.] You don't get the dopamine drip of like, Oh, I got a billion likes, and...
Diane Guerrero 36:08
I don't want that. I don't want that though. I don't want...I mean, yeah, I don't want people commenting on my **it. I don't want you telling me anything about my relationship. You don't know it. [Eric: Right.] So, I think that's my... but, come on maybe...
Eric Andre 36:20
Defensive much?
Diane Guerrero 36:21
I'm a little defensive. {Eric is laughing} You know what? Next time I'll do it when it's like not Valentine's Day. How's that?
Eric Andre 36:28
Do it on Halloween.
Diane Guerrero 36:29
I'll do it on Halloween. That's actually my favorite holiday. [Eric: Same.] Really?
Eric Andre 36:34
I just booked... I'm going to Oaxaca. I'm doing, uhm, once I get that shot... [Diane:Yeah?] vaccine. I, uhm, going to Oaxaca for Day of the Dead, October 31st.
Diane Guerrero 36:46
What? Can I go? [Eric: Dia de las muertos.] {unintelligible} I'm serious. Really? [Eric: Yeah, come!] I guess I could do whatever the f**k I want. [Eric: You could do whatever you want!] Alright, I'll be there. [Eric: Come!] Simple as that. [Eric: Bada bing bada boom.] Do you think that you use comedy to cope with your mental health?
Eric Andre 37:05
I think so. I think... I know not to overshare. You do need privacy. You need boundaries. It's healthy. I think, at the beginning, I was trying to overshare 'cause I wanted to emulate Richard Pryor. And, uhm, it's like, it's very, like sexy to be vulnerable on stage, and I don't even mean sexy in a sexy way. I mean, like, it's like... it makes the audience open up when you have the confidence to be vulnerable on stage and really open yourself up and go, this is me, I'm f***ked up. I have this f****ed up s**t going on inside me, and I've always been embarrassed a bit about it, but I'm sharing it with you to kind of help me cope with it, and help process it, and help be relatable. So, maybe I'm speaking to abstractly. I can't think of it like a... I mean, just watch my stand-up special, I guess, if you want an example but, I can't think of an example off the top my head. But, I'll tell you I have done cocaine on stage one time and never again. I would... my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was like totally fine, and my friend's like, "you want a little bit of coke?" And I was like, "before I go on stage?" I was like, well, Robin Williams did it; ripped a line and then my heart... like flop, sweat, panic attack. I was like, uh, uh! What's the deal with your throat closing up? Arrgh, Arrgh, Arrgh! I was in this little club and I f***ing melted like a candle. I was like, arrgh arrgh arrgh. So, uh, don't do coke before you go onstage... [Diane: The moral...] before you go on stage in front of a bunch of strangers. Yeah.
Diane Guerrero 38:46
It's the worst. So, basically, you speak for all comedians in saying that you're all mentally ill.
Eric Andre 38:53
Yeah. I think some... some more than others. I think some, some people actually that I know have it pretty well together, surprisingly. Uhm, it's always the opposite. The ones that act really f***ing nuts on stage tend to be kinda like sane off stage, and the ones that kind of act like suave on stage are like a f***ing mess. Like, I'm like, ha ha ha... please, no. Like, I know who... you never know. Like, somebody's stage persona does not indicate what they're like off stage all the time. It's very... it's ver... it's always a surprise. I'll tell you that. Uhm, I mean, like, some like really macho tough-guy persona guys in New York that you'd meet were the biggest teddy bears when they got off stage and so sweet. Like, how you been? Bro? What's going on? I haven't seen you in f***ing forever, dude. And then the opposite some guys that were like, Hey, I'm like the hippie, like hipster like, nice guy. Like hey, you know, like... like, Michael Cera wannabe guys. We get offstage and they were total f***ing, asshole, prick, wet noodle handshake, classist, elitist Mother***ker. I was like, get your f***ing Ivy League a** outta here. So, you never f***ing know; it's a mixed bag. Never know. I think, like, my persona on the show is my id. It's like the childlike part of my mind and I'm getting it all out. And it's, like, this Bizarro caricature of myself that is, like, somewhere within me, and I'm getting it all out on stage, but I wouldn't be able to function in society if I acted like that 24 hours a day. So, uhm, I don't know. It's just like, kind of like, the way I grew up joking around with my friends, and trying to, like, out crazy each other, like, in the lunchroom in middle school and high school is kind of like my persona on, on... on my show. So, I think people are bummed out when they meet me in person. They're like, "this guy's f***ing boring." I swear to God, this guy, one time. I was on line at a at a banh mi sandwich shop in Toronto, and I was like, waiting to get a Vietnamese sandwich. And it was like 11:30 in the morning, and I was, like, filming something, and it was like my lunch break. It was like a walkway lunch, or whatever. I ran across the street to grab a sandwich and this kid came up to me and he's like, "Eric Andre! Aaaaaaaaah!!!" He started yelling, and it was like, it was a quiet in the restaurant. I was like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just getting sandwich." And he, like, looked at me like, like, I was his toy that was broken. And then he started punching me on the back. He's like, "Come on, man. Aaaaaaaaaah!" And I was like, "Dude, it's not even 12 o'clock. Yeah. I'm so hungry. Like, I I wish I could, like, bounce off the walls and like kick a glass window in but, like, I'm just getting a sandwich, man." It's not that crazy. [laughing] It was like, it's early, man. [laughing] And he was so disappointed that I was so pedestrian and lame and just getting a sandwich and some chips. Yeah. Awh, I broke his heart.
Diane Guerrero 41:54
Okay, you're a very sexy guy, right? You make... and you make a lot of sexy content. You just... all your... all your stuff is very, very sexy.
Eric Andre 42:02
You know I'm starting an 'Only Fans' account?
Diane Guerrero 42:04
You are? Yeah, why not? [Eric: why not?] I'm f***ing going on it if your boofing anymore stuff. [Eric laughing] I'm addicted to boofing. I'm on boof.com now. [Eric laughing] Uhm, onlyboof.com. [laughter] Uhm, yeah. How, how do... how do we make it... [Eric: You're getting hot under the collar! {laughter}]? I mean, it was really... [Eric: Like, I gotta get on Boof.com!] That moment really changed my life, seeing you boof that cheesecake. [Eric laughing] I've never seen... I really didn't expect that. I didn't know why you were doing it for me. I felt very special. [Eric laughing] For so... I was like, "This is love. This is what love is, yo. This dude was willing to boof this cheesecake for me." Ladies, if your man ain't boofing cheesecake for you, I don't know what the f**k you're doing.
Eric Andre 42:19
I'm on boof.com! [snaps fingers] That's right, girl!
Diane Guerrero 42:54
That's right!
Eric Andre 42:55
[snaps fingers] Yes, honey!
Diane Guerrero 42:56
You... get yourself with an Eric Andre, because he will boof for you. [Eric: Yes, Queen.] Find him on onlyboof.com. [laughter] Uhm, how do we make... how do we make mental health sexy?
Eric Andre 43:12
It's tough. I don't know. You know what I think? I think you gotta stress... you gotta stress that it's private. Like... like, if you really need therapy and you go, the therapist isn't allowed to tell anyone you were there. They're not legally allowed to tell anyone what was discussed. You have complete privacy and anonymity. And if you can't afford therapy, journaling is free, and your journal will not tell anybody what you put in it. And that is incredibly therapeutic. Just get that s**t out of your mind and onto paper. It's like, it's almost like a dump. Like, it's just like, you're throwing it in the recycling and you got to get it off your mind 'cause while it's in your mind, it's just creating too much chaos. But I don't know. I think like, I think we're... we're taking a step, you know, just talking about it publicly and our struggles with it. And, you know, I think... I'm telling you I... once I made the switch of prioritizing, and it's like the number one, it comes first. If you don't have your mind, that's it. You don't have anything. You know what I mean? You see people talking to themselves on the street and you're just like, "man, if they could get their mind back." You know? They would have... they would have peace. So, I don't know. It's a hard... it's hard to sell. It's hard to sell! I think just talking about it. I wish I had the answer. I think you should run for office. I feel like you're so politically motivated, and you have so much to say, and you're so educated and bright. You know, I think you should run for... I mean...
Diane Guerrero 44:51
Thank you. I want to help.
Eric Andre 44:53
You have my vote!
Diane Guerrero 44:54
Thank you, Eric. I want to help elect the right people to office.
Eric Andre 44:58
Yeah, I think working in one of those offices has to be f***ing miserable. That's a lot of work. [laughing]
Diane Guerrero 45:02
I wanna f***ing sit home and boof cheesecake! I don't know what the f**k you want to do! [Eric laughing] But I don't want to be working to no office like, no thank you! There's people who can do that.
Eric Andre 45:13
I wanna boof cheesecake with Nithya. [kissing sounds]
Diane Guerrero 45:16
Nithya Raman was elected as Los Angeles City Council Member for the Fourth District. And we did that. The people did that.
Eric Andre 45:25
Yeah, she follows me on Instagram.
Diane Guerrero 45:26
She's awesome. She follows me too. Whatever. We got her elected!
Eric Andre 45:31
Yeah. Oh, no, she follows me on Twitter. I'm sorry. She follows me on Twitter. AOC follows me on Twitter too. Yeah.
Diane Guerrero 45:36
No biggie. [Eric: no big] She doesn't follow me, and I was about to get a tattoo of her on my body, but I'm not gonna...
Eric Andre 45:42
I met her the night after she was elected. Isn't that crazy? [Diane: Oh, really?] I ran into her at the Stephen Colbert Show. Like, in the hallway. [Diane: She's incredible.] And I was like, "Dude, you're gonna... you're about to be famous, man!" She was very sweet. She was very tiny and very sweet.
Diane Guerrero 45:57
I met her too. I met her at, like, this Teen Vogue thing. Uhm, and I was introduced to her by Maria Teresa Kumar, who's the, uhm, she runs Voto Latino [Eric: Mm hmm, you better speak that Spanish, girl.] Voto Latino! [Eric: Yes!] And so... and I met her... I met her backstage and she was so beautiful and incredible, and I still have... she gave me her card, and I still have her card in my, in my wallet. [Eric: That's cool.] Like, the first... the, the... was it 2018, she was running, or...
Eric Andre 46:28
She's amazing... all babes.
Diane Guerrero 46:29
So, let's... let's ****ing elect more babes like that. That are going to prioritize mental health. [Eric: Yeah.] Right? That are gonna... that are ****ing gonna make sure that everyone has access.
Eric Andre 46:41
Right. It comes down to universal health care really. [Diane: It does.] I mean, that's what our country lacks. You know. So, I think that's a big part of it, too. I mean, like, [Diane: Yeah.] it goes back around to universal health care.
Diane Guerrero 46:54
That's what... that's the answer.
Eric Andre 46:56
If you could walk into a therapist's office with no money in your pocket, get the therapy you need, get the privacy and anonymity that you need--nobody has to find out--and then walk out without paying a dime. That would make a huge difference, but that's... that's not the way of our country, unfortunately.
Diane Guerrero 47:13
But... But we... but, but we can f***ing keep trying. And we can... that, that is, you know, at the end of, like, literally everything you know. Like, you're promoting your show, you promote your show, and you just be like universal health care.
Eric Andre 47:26
Yeah. Yeah. It's popular! I mean, there's people that vote republican that are for universal health care. It is way more popular than Fox News has you believe. And that's why I'm moving to Sweden. Tah tah!
Diane Guerrero 47:42
What do you have coming out this year?
Eric Andre 47:43
The hidden camera prank movie with Tiffany Haddish and Lil' Rel Howery from Get Out, and the Jackass producers. That comes out March 26th, on Netflix.
Diane Guerrero 47:52
March 26th?
Eric Andre 47:53
It's called, Bad Trip. Yeah, March 26th.
Diane Guerrero 47:55
Is that, like... are you so excited that you worked with the Jackass producers? Just 'cause...
Eric Andre 47:59
Oh, yeah, I grew up on Jackass. So, like, that... yeah, Jeff Tremaine was the main, the main guy. He's like the Riza of the Wu Tang of Jackass, and he was my men... he's my mentor. I mean, he taught... yeah, he taught me so many trade secrets.
Diane Guerrero 48:14
What do you feel like when that s**t happens to you?
Eric Andre 48:16
It's surreal. And I get to... I'm doing a cartoon on Netflix with Matt Groening, and I'm such a huge Simpsons fan and, like, all the Simpsons writers and EP's are working on it. So, like, it's totally surreal. I have to, like, write that stuff down in my journal to remember, like, I'm doing okay. [Eric laughing] Like, I'm working with the guy that made the Simpsons. He drew the Simpsons on a napkin and showed James L. Brooks and 700 episodes later he f***ing... he killed it, man. So, yeah, and Jeff is, like... yeah, Jeff's my mentor. So, uhm, totally surreal.
Diane Guerrero 48:50
Well, I'm so happy all that sh** is happening to you. It's incredible. We're so proud of you, and... [Eric: Thank you!] Couldn't... it couldn't happen to a better person. Really. [Eric: Thank you!] You're awesome.
Eric Andre 49:00
Thank you. You too.
Diane Guerrero 49:14
Yeah, No, I'm Not Okay is a production of Laist Studios. Remember to rate and review our show, I just found out that it helps other people find it. So, if you like it, share it with your friends. The more people we can get to have conversations about mental health, the better. If you've got a story you want to share about how you deal with mental health issues, send it my way. Record it on your phone's voice memo app and email it to yeahno@laiststudios.com, and be sure to subscribe to our newsletter to get the latest episodes with a note from me, recommendations from our listeners and our team, and listeners' stories. Sign up at laist.com/newsletters. Jessica Pilot is our talent manager and producer. Our executive producers are Leo G. and me, Diane Guerrero. Web design by Andy Cheatwood at the digital and marketing teams at Southern California Public Radio. Thanks to the team at Laist Studios, including Taylor Coffman, Kristin Hayford, Kristen Muller, Michael Consentino, Robert Jo, Mildred Langford and Leo G. And a special thanks to Brian Crawford. This program is made possible in part by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, a private corporation funded by the American people. Additional support comes from the Angel Foundation, supporting transformational leaders and by the California Healthcare Foundation, dedicated to improving the mental health care system for all Californians.
