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Help Me Care For My Father
Episode 12
Help Me Care For My Father
When her father has a medical emergency, host Megan Tan takes a last minute trip to Ohio. This leads her on a journey of self-discovery to learn what she's been snoozing on herself.Feals: become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping. go to and use code snooze16 for up to 16 free meals AND 3 free gifts!Support for this podcast is made possible by Gordon and Dona Crawford, who believe that quality journalism makes Los Angeles a better place to live. This program is made possible in part by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, a private corporation funded by the American people.

Megan Tan 0:12

[bath water running] [scrubbing] [deep breath] [humming] [music: Storm and Drive by Joya] We are each the script writer of our own triumphant dramas.

Megan Tan 1:04

This is- I'm just filling out the form that you want to donate your body to science.

Megan Tan 1:09

Alright Dad, ready to have a good day?

Megan Tan 1:11

Are you listening, Dad? Can you hear me? Can you have hope?

Megan Tan 1:14

We are also its protagonists.

Megan Tan 1:17

I said come on, let's go! Let's go.

Megan Tan 1:19

All right, here we go. All right, next...

Megan Tan 1:22

We each write and perform the script of our own life. This extremely active life philosophy is inherent in the teachings of 3000 realms in a single moment of life.

Megan Tan 1:35

Oh, no, no. Come on, what's after breakfast? What's after breakfast? What's after walking?

Megan Tan 1:38

What's going on? We just chanted. We're getting stuff done.

Megan Tan 1:40

What's happening, Dad? Why, why do you put your hand over your face?

Megan Tan 1:44

For it to be a wonderful production it is essential that we become so familiar with the scenario that we can picture it vividly.

Megan Tan 1:52

All right, you ready? Are you thinking? You're designing your day. [small laugh] There you go. All right. [small laugh] [bell]

Megan Tan 2:00

You have raised a ton of people. Look, look who you raised, you raised me.

Flight Attendant 2:06

[airplane sounds] Good morning and welcome aboard American Airlines flight to...

Megan Tan 2:14

Thinking it's impossible or it can't be done has the effect of actually making anything and everything impossible. The mind is like a skilled painter. Thus, all of the phenomena throughout the entire world, there is not a single one [flips page] that is not created by the mind. Outside of this mind, there is no other phenomena that exists. [music out]

Megan Tan 2:47

Are you still listening Dad?

Vincent Tan 2:50


Megan Tan 2:50

Okay. All right. That's good tonight. Maybe we'll read a little bit each night. You need anything?

Vincent Tan 3:00


Megan Tan 3:00

Okay. Love you. [kiss] Happy dreams. [humming] [breathing] [water and blowing bubbles]

Megan Tan 3:17

[phone rings] Hey Dad. How are you?

Vincent Tan 3:32

Uhh, struggling today...

Megan Tan 3:36

Oh yeah? What's happening?

Megan Tan 3:37

You're not the type of father who always says, "I love you." [guitar music]

Vincent Tan 3:41

Yeah, you're more emotional than-

Megan Tan 3:43

Than you are?

Vincent Tan 3:49


Megan Tan 3:49

Yeah. [laughs]

Vincent Tan 3:49

Cuz you c- c- cry out in the open.

Megan Tan 3:51

I do cry out in the open. [laughs]

Megan Tan 3:57

Instead, you say, "What did you eat today?" "Did you pay rent?" "Are you saving 10%?" To you, this is "I love you."

Megan Tan 4:10

What about you? When do you cry?

Vincent Tan 4:14

Don't compare. I don't cry. I hardly cry. That's me. It was the way I was brought up.

Megan Tan 4:20

Did someone tell you to not cry when you were little?

Vincent Tan 4:22

No... It's just life is tough.

Megan Tan 4:28

I know these past few years have been- tough. Mom moved out of the house and asked for a divorce. You retired and started living alone. And even though you're in Ohio, and I live 2000 miles away in LA, I worry about you. I worry you're not eating the right food. Not taking your medicine. You seem down. Depressed. I get it. Being alone is hard. [phone ringing] Why do you think I call- almost every day?

Megan Tan 5:11

Do you ever wish that I did speak teow-chu with you?

Vincent Tan 5:15


Megan Tan 5:16

How do you say- okay, you say eat. You say, Cha?

Vincent Tan 5:19

Cha. Common thing people do in Tewochu is say, "Che a bue?" Have you eaten yet?

Megan Tan 5:25

Che a bue.

Megan Tan 5:25

[phone ringing] When you don't answer the phone, I assume you're in a mood. [ringing] Too upset or too tired to reach it. So I just try the next day, [ringing] and the day after that, until you do answer. [ringing]

Megan Tan 5:47

And then what about sleeping?

Vincent Tan 5:51

Uh. Uh.

Megan Tan 5:57

What? It's ka-uh-uh. Uh. Uh.

Vincent Tan 5:57

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. It's a different kind of a tone. [Megan laughs]

Megan Tan 6:01

You have bad days, and you have good days. On good days, we chant over FaceTime. Or I get you to smile three times. Dad, you have a beautiful smile.

Vincent Tan 6:16

Okay, does that satisfy you?

Megan Tan 6:18

Yeah, [laughs] it's helpful.

Megan Tan 6:20

I want to get you out of your comfort zone. Shake it up a bit. I think it'll be good for you. [theme music]

Vincent Tan 6:25


Megan Tan 6:26

All right.

Megan Tan 6:27

But I understand shaking habits is hard. It's hard for me too, Dad.

Vincent Tan 6:33

What are you doing?

Megan Tan 6:35

I'm doing some work. I'm gonna make an episode.

Vincent Tan 6:38

Oh, that's what I thought.

Megan Tan 6:41

But sometimes we have to change, especially when life throws you a curveball and unsnoozes things for you. You're listening to Snooze, a show about things people put off, how they conquer them, but most importantly, how they conquer themselves.

Megan Tan 7:02

And I grew up with like, my father, and I didn't even know what language he spoke until I was 19.

Abby 7:10


Megan Tan 7:11


Atsuko Okatsuka 7:13

It's okay to be tired. It's okay to not be able to make it. Because it's a lot.

Margaret Cho 7:18

It's better to just have acceptance around whatever's going on. And know that it's the right thing and the only way out is through and so you just go through. [music out]

Erick Galindo 7:41

Snooze will be back after this commercial break.

Erick Galindo 7:48

Now, back to the show.

Megan Tan 7:51

All right. Okay, love you.

Vincent Tan 7:53


Megan Tan 7:54

Bye. Have a good day.

Vincent Tan 7:55

Uh huh.

Megan Tan 7:55

[car door slamming] [driving sounds] [music by Big Boi] I really like this song. It's called All Night by Big Boi! Aaa woo! What up! [Megan sings: All night!] [duck under]

Megan Tan 8:11

I'm going on a little road trip up Route 1, heading towards San Francisco for the weekend. I'm passing Hearst Castle on the right. Remember, Dad? We almost went there. But when we walked in, the castle had just closed. I'm passing the beach with all those elephant seals on the left going over the iconic Bixby Creek Bridge. It's gorgeous. [driving sounds and Big Boi music] [Megan sings] I send for you, if you come for me. What! [laughs] I love that line! All night!

Megan Tan 8:53

[phone ringing- voicemail message plays: Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Beep.] Hey, it's me. I just wanted to call and say hi. See how you're doing. Uh, I'm in San Francisco for the weekend and it's gorgeous. I called Auntie ChyKang but she didn't answer the phone. I think she's working. Anyway, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Give me a call whenever you get a chance. All right. Love you. Bye.

Megan Tan 9:33

[phone rings- voicemail message: not available. Beep.] Hi, Dad. It's Megan. I was just calling again to see how you're doing. It's possible that you're sleeping or maybe you are... [phone ringing-voicemail message: Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.]

Megan Tan 9:57

[bathroom, water running] [scrubbing] [breathing] Sometimes, when life is happening to you, you don't really have time to process it. I'm thinking back to my last day in San Francisco, and it feels like a dream. [music] My bags were packed. I was ready to leave, head home [bubbles, water] when my dad finally called me back. But his voice wasn't the voice I knew. [water droplets] It was dry, scratchy, weak. It didn't sound like him at all. He was calling me from the floor. He had fallen and had been on the floor for five days. I immediately grabbed another phone and called Kristel, my sister. She was already in the car on her way over. I stayed on the phone with my dad. I didn't want to hang up because I didn't know what state he was in. I couldn't see him. I didn't know if he had hit his head. I didn't know if he had been unconscious, or he'd broken a hip or a bone. I didn't know if he had a heart attack or a stroke. What I did know was I wish I wasn't so far away. [pause]

Megan Tan 12:09

In the distance, I heard Kristel come through the door. And- I lost it. [pause] I started crying. I couldn't see or wrap my arms around either of them. I heard Kristel call 911. I heard the ambulance come. I heard people pick up my dad and put him onto a stretcher. Because the phone was still on, I was still with him. But then the phone was handed to Kristel. She told me she'd call me later and then hung up. [music out]

Megan Tan 13:00

[bathroom, water sounds] I felt helpless, not being able to be there with my family. They took my dad to the hospital, hooked him up to IVs and took a ton of tests. EKGs, Troponin, CPKs. And still, the doctors didn't know what happened. Because he was on the floor for so long, the tests couldn't register the cause of the fall. Too much time had passed. When he started remembering, he said he stood up, got dizzy, lost balance, and then couldn't get up again. Days after the call, I still didn't know what to do. [scrubbing] Did my dad need me to be beside him while he recovered, or would he bounce back quickly? If I did go out to Ohio, when would I go? Now? Later? How long would stay? Would I get an Airbnb or move in with him? Would I take care of him while he recovered?

Megan Tan 14:10

[humming] [music] I had so many questions. Not a ton of answers. The only thing I could do was wait. And wait. And wait. Literally, day to day, moment to moment. A feeling that wouldn't change for months. [inhales] [makes bubbles] [music out]

Megan Tan 15:21

[in car with Kristel, singing Fresh Prince of BelAire- laughter] I don't know if you've ever noticed this, Dad. But Kristel and I have a complicated relationship.

Megan Tan 15:36

The earrings.

Kristel 15:37


Megan Tan 15:38

I only wear them when I'm going out.

Kristel 15:40

They look heavy. I would totally take them out. This is why you can't be around Jillian. [laughs]

Megan Tan 15:48

And to be honest, I've kind of avoided moments like these.

Megan Tan 15:52

Let's keep focusing on [Kristel laughs] the plan. So-

Kristel 15:55

Maybe my investments are unlimited.

Megan Tan 15:58

You guys, can we not [laughter] deviate from what our objective is? Okay.

Megan Tan 16:02

Moments where I have to take on any kind of family responsibility.

Megan Tan 16:07

Remember, when you and mom sold our childhood home, I wasn't there to help. [music in] Or when you moved into your apartment, I wasn't there for that either. Kristel- she's always been there.

Kristel 16:21

You move up the street from me.

Megan Tan 16:25

She's the type of older sister who's extremely responsible.

Kristel 16:29

I think you need a job, part time job.

Megan Tan 16:33

She helped you and mom sell our childhood home, helped mom find the house she lives in now. She helps you file your taxes every year. Because I have Kristel, I've always been able to be like, Yo, you got this right? As the little sister, I have a little more leeway. [music out]

Megan Tan 16:53

But when you fell, Kristel needed help. She was in the hospital with you for hours while working her full-time job, while taking care of her 12 year old daughter, while maintaining her home and her other responsibilities. I've never put my life and my career on pause and put my family first. Until now.

Airplane Emergency Announcement 17:25

[airplane clip] ...and breathe normally. Put on your mask before helping others. Oxygen is flowing.

Megan Tan 17:32

Dad, I bought a one-way flight to see you. I know you told me not to come. But I'm here.

Megan Tan 17:39

[clicking of heels] I'm walking into the rehabilitation center. And this place is quiet. It's new. There aren't a lot of people. I'm following Kristel because she seems to know her way around. [music] We walk down that long hallway, turn the corner and I see you. You're sitting in a sea of brand-new carpeting in the atrium of this dining room. The ceiling is tall. Light is streaming in. It's beautiful. But everyone who's here is sitting by themselves. Including you. You have a walker. Your hair is long. Like Castaway Tom Hanks look. And you're thin. When I walk up to you I say, "Hi, Dad" and immediately give you a kiss and a hug. You don't react. You don't smile. You don't look surprised. I can tell you're not totally yourself. I'm happy to see you. When I sit down, I immediately start up one of our favorite ongoing conversations. What are you eating? [music out]

Megan Tan 19:20

My father and I didn't have the best relationship. Growing up, it felt like my mother loved me for the both of them. She cheered twice as loud at all my volleyball games, hugged me twice as hard when I made honor roll. Told me I love you twice as much before I went to bed. My father didn't say or do any of that stuff. He had a short temper. Often said "no." And was a raisin of emotions. Dry. Inaccessible. In high school when I brought home all A's, he would say, but you didn't do the dishes. I was a good kid, and everybody saw that I was. Except for him. For him, nothing was ever enough. And his never enoughness made me feel small. All the time. And so to feel big, when he would yell at me, I would yell back. [pause]

Megan Tan 20:44

[music in] Happy Valentine's Day, Dad. I'm rushing over to the rehabilitation center after spending hours cleaning your apartment. You got a lot of stuff. You know how much stuff you have? You have like three vacuums, and none of them work! You're coming home tomorrow. So I want to make sure you can easily maneuver your apartment with your walker. So I'm cleaning and throwing out a lot. I'm also rearranging some things so your place doesn't take you back to the fall or the days after. And I am exhausted. [music out]

Megan Tan 21:21

[phone rings] Oh, Kristel's calling. She's stressed out. Suddenly, it's a yelling match about how I didn't tell her about this thing. Now, she doesn't have time to do this other thing. Now she has to run around the city. And we always have to do things my way. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Click. She hangs up on me.

Megan Tan 21:44

[car sounds] [music in] I don't usually celebrate Valentine's Day, but I don't think it's supposed to feel like this.

Megan Tan 21:57

[heels clicking] When I see you, you're on a 'No' kick. You're saying no to everything. Let's have breakfast. No. Let's take a walk. No. Put on clean clothes. No. No, no, no, no, no. [heels clicking] I'm leaving. I need to take a walk. Alone. [music out]

Megan Tan 22:41

All right, I'm back. Want to try to go the bathroom? No. Come on, let me help you stand up. No. I'm grabbing your hands, and you're digging in your heels. You say- you're gonna fight me. I shouldn't have expected chocolate kisses, flowers, not even a card. Not even a thank you. I paused my life, left my dog, took leave from my job to step up and take care of you. My family. You don't even want my help. All you want to do is complain and bicker and yell at me. Why would I go out of my way for that? [airplane sounds, flight attendant speaking] The truth is, I wouldn't. I don't want to be here anymore. [flight attendant: We'll be flying at an altitude of 34 thousand feet and our flight time will be one hour.] [sound of airplane taking off]

Erick Galindo 23:50

Snooze will be back after this commercial break.

Erick Galindo 23:59

Now, back to the show.

Megan Tan 24:01

[bathroom, water splashing] And as I sit here in the bathtub, I'm just like, you know- all of this, we'll face this, at some point. The need to take care of our family, for kids to take care of their parents. And again, I'm like yo, why didn't they tell us anything about this in high school? [laughs] And it's interesting because it feels like everything is so distant until it's right up in your face. And you can't move. And so, this is how I process things. I talk them out with myself [chuckles] [splashing water] in a bathtub. I think this bathtub is gonna save me. It's also really nice to hear your heartbeat underwater. It just sounds so [laughing] cool. [sigh] I don't know why today was such a hard day. Maybe because I'm tired, and I just feel like man you really have to tell yourself that you're doing okay. You know, you really gotta be strong and say you're doing a great job- to yourself- because no one is here to tell you that. [sigh]

Megan Tan 26:33

[shoes clicking] I go to the grocery store. When I get back, I sit down with you. The first thing you say is, "What did you buy?" All accusatory. I show you. Some snacks, lotion, chapstick. You ask me if I'll go back and buy a razor so you can shave. I pull that out of the bag next. I already did. Your face lights up. It's the first joyful expression I've seen on you since I got to Ohio.

Megan Tan 27:06

Ohhhh! [music in] Here, let me help you.

Vincent Tan 27:13

In what way?

Megan Tan 27:13

Because you, you missed some hairs. Let me see. Come here. Yeah. You missed some hairs. Oh, you cut yourself, too. [water running]

Megan Tan 27:28

Okay, and then you gotta smile. Trying to know what is nose hairs and what is [laughing] your mustache. All right. Stay, stay. Let me just get [Vincent grumbles] de, de, de ,de ,de. Are you gonna smile? [laughs] Good. Great job! Great face!

Megan Tan 27:49

I've never shaved anyone's face before. It's a specific kind of care. You got to be gentle, close. And there has to be trust. You let me care for you in a way I never have before. And something inside me toward you shifts.

Megan Tan 28:23

That night, you tell me you're having a hard time sleeping. So I pull up a lazy boy chair next to your bed and recline. As you start to close your eyes, I take your hand. And I tell you I love you. And that what happened to you a few weeks ago will never happen again. You'll never be alone in the way you were before. I promise. [music out]

Megan Tan 29:05

All right, Dad. Are you listening? Today is what- February 20th. [music in] February 23rd. February 26th, 2022. All right, what's the guidance? [Vincent sighs]

Megan Tan 29:16

I'm sure there are gonna be days when I annoy you.

Megan Tan 29:20

Ooh! It says the only way for human beings to change is for them to conquer their inner darkness.

Vincent Tan 29:27

What was the secret to anything success? He explained that it was never give up...

Megan Tan 29:34

Without courage, we cannot be compassionate. What do you think of that? That's wonderful.

Megan Tan 29:39

Days when you don't want to read guidance, chant, [chanting in background] or eat eggs for breakfast.

Megan Tan 29:45

All right, ready?

Megan Tan 29:46

I'm sure there are gonna be days when you're totally bored. Absolutely exhausted.

Megan Tan 29:52

All right. Here's another one. Make goals. All right, you write down your goal. I write down my goal.

Megan Tan 29:57

Or confused.

Megan Tan 29:59

Did you write it down? You didn't write it down. [Vincent mumbling, No...] Here use my pen.

Megan Tan 30:05

Maybe days where you feel helpless.

Megan Tan 30:08

All right, how are you feeling today? All right, clear out your throat. [Megan demonstrates clearing her throat] How you feeling? You're good? You still dizzy? Okay, warm up your legs- before you walk.

Megan Tan 30:19

[taking blood pressure sounds] Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. 121 over seventy-four. Heartbeat 62.

Megan Tan 30:32

But there will also be days when you're filled with immense joy, appreciation and pride.

Megan Tan 30:39

[laughing] All right, what's next?

Vincent Tan 30:42


Megan Tan 30:43

You're gonna have breakfast? All right. Do you want pants today? Here. Go ahead, sit down. What shirt do you want?

Vincent Tan 30:53

I don't have to change.

Megan Tan 30:54

Yeah, change. New day, new clothes. [laughs]

Megan Tan 31:00

And on all of those days, I'll be there.

Megan Tan 31:04

I thought you were sleeping. You're not sleeping. [laughing]

Megan Tan 31:09

Helping you transform [Buddhist chanting] all of these moments into your biggest benefit. So you can get strong and be independent again.

Megan Tan 31:20

All right, Dad. Ready to have a good day?

Vincent Tan 31:22


Megan Tan 31:23

Good. [music out]

Megan Tan 31:34

I never planned to move back to Ohio. When I arrived in February on a one-way ticket, I thought I'd be there a few weeks, a month at most. I'd help my dad get back on his feet. Maybe help him make a plan with new hobbies, new friends, a new life. My sister and I even started looking for a new apartment for him. One with more light. ADA approved, closer to her. But then- my sister and I went to one of his doctors and heard something neither one of us was expecting.

Doctor 32:13

I'm sorry. Your father is just not in a place where he can live alone.

Megan Tan 32:18

And it wasn't just one doctor who told us this.

Doctor 32:21

We've discussed it and your dad clearly can't live alone anymore. Can he stay with one of you?

Megan Tan 32:28

I don't know. Can he? Does he even want to do that?

Kristel 32:33

Do you want some more water, Dad? Here.

Vincent Tan 32:39

No. [Kristel and Megan laugh] Kristel...

Megan Tan 32:43

You have any long-term thoughts?

Vincent Tan 32:47

First of all, I don't know how you're going to stay here and get along.

Megan Tan 32:49

Well, I'm not staying here. I'm not moving to Ohio. [laughs awkwardly] Sorry. That's not it. [laughs again]

Kristel 32:58

Do you want to move to California for a little bit?

Megan Tan 33:05

[silence] This is very suspenseful- [laughter] all this drinking and eating of the chocolate.

Vincent Tan 33:14

I don't have the money.

Kristel 33:14

We pay the difference. [Vincent mumbles something like, "What you pay?"] Megan and I will pay the difference.

Vincent Tan 33:20

No, you can't afford it.

Megan Tan 33:21

Well, let's keep focusing [Kristel laughs] on the plan. Two big questions. Stay in Ohio or move to California. Okay? It's like choose your own adventure.

Vincent Tan 33:36

Based based on my uh, heal- health, I don't think I can do either one.

Megan Tan 33:43

That's not a part of-

Kristel 33:44

That's not an option, Dad.

Megan Tan 33:46

Yeah. And when and if you come to California, you would be staying with me. You say me and Megan, new roommate situation. [laughs] Okay? If you stay in Ohio, you would be either in a retirement facility-

Vincent Tan 34:08

Oh yeah?

Megan Tan 34:09

Yeah. Or- because Krystal needs some time to redo her basement. [laughs] [things being moved, glasses clinking] If you even wanted to stay there.

Vincent Tan 34:17

60 days is impossible for me.

Megan Tan 34:20

Dad, nothing is impossible for you. You survived on the floor for five days by yourself. You've already gotten over the hardest part of living.

Vincent Tan 34:29


Megan Tan 34:30

Yes. Dad, you are very resilient.

Megan Tan 34:36

I know it's not easy for my dad to leave his home. At 75 years old, I'm asking him to put his whole life in storage and hop on a plane with me, his 31-year-old daughter, and trust me to take care of him. I'm scared too. I'd be giving up a part of my life as well. But I'd rather have us be scared together. I'd rather have him be completely safe- with me.

Megan Tan 35:09

If I said you have to move to California and live with me, how would you feel about that?

Vincent Tan 35:16

I feel great.

Megan Tan 35:16

Oh, [Kristel: Oh.] great. [Vincent: ...good.] Great. Let's choose that one! [Kristel laughs] You said you'll feel great.

Vincent Tan 35:25

I like California.

Megan Tan 35:27

I do too.

Vincent Tan 35:28


Megan Tan 35:30

No, no, no, I like this. De de de de de! [laughs]

Vincent Tan 35:33


Megan Tan 35:31

Oh, Dad. Logistics are logistics.

Vincent Tan 35:41

[mumbling first] Where would you put me?

Kristel 35:41

Where would you stay?

Megan Tan 35:42

You stay with my house.

Vincent Tan 35:44

Somebody has to pay for it.

Megan Tan 35:45

I'm paying for it right now.

Vincent Tan 35:48

No, you're not.

Megan Tan 35:48

Uh, yeah, I am. Do you think Santa Claus is paying for my apartment? [laughs]

Megan Tan 35:54

[music in] People are asking me, "Are you ready to take on this responsibility?" Or "Do you know what you're getting into?" The answer is: you're my father. And I'm your daughter. And no one is gonna love you as much as Kristel and I do. No one is gonna make sure that you eat your favorite food, that you write down your goals, that you start to envision yourself walking again. But we will. I will.

Megan Tan 36:46

Dad- What's our deal. To have hope? Can you have hope? You have raised a ton of people. Look who you raised. You raised me. Two sets. One. There you go! Two. Can you have hope? Three. We're gonna live together. [Vincent: How?] Four. Step by step. Five. Six. I need you to trust me remember? Seven. [door slams] [counting continues in background: eight. nine, ten.] Goodbye, goodbye. [keys locking door] Can you hold on? Let go. Here, hold on to me.

Megan Tan 37:19

[whispers] You're gonna be okay, Dad. Okay?

Vincent Tan 37:25

I want my pants.

Megan Tan 37:26

You do have pants, tomorrow. You have two pairs. [Vincent mumbles] That might not be enough? Yeah, it'll be enough. Tomorrow's gonna be great. And I'll be with you the whole time. [sighs]

Flight Attendant 37:51

[airplane sounds] Welcome back to travel with American Airlines. We're glad you're here. Your safety is important to us. Please pause, taking your attention to the minute... [music out]

Megan Tan 38:01

[sound of keys] Did you have a good day?

Vincent Tan 38:19


Megan Tan 38:19

No? Why?

Megan Tan 38:20

I know moving to Los Angeles hasn't been easy. It's been hard for me too. You've fallen three times since you've been here. The first time I caught you in my arms, cushioned your fall, and then went into the kitchen and had a meltdown. [music in] It's scary to be responsible for someone you love so much. I'm learning I can't always catch you. I can't save you. You're responsible for your own life. And you're the one who has to decide how you want these next years of your life to go. [phone ringing] And while you figure it out, you won't have to pick up the phone to remember that I'm here for you. I'll be there as you become more of who you already are.

Vincent Tan 39:20

[phone ringing] How was work? Huh?

Kristel 39:26


Vincent Tan 39:26


Kristel 39:27


Vincent Tan 39:27

I mean work work, I'm talking about, not not your housework. [Megan laughs] [water running]

Kristel 39:27

Yeah, it's fine. [laughs]

Vincent Tan 39:28

You still work out of the house?

Kristel 39:32


Megan Tan 39:33

[bathroom, running water] [scrubbing] Sometimes, we think we're Snoozing this one thing in our lives [music in] that's really obvious. For me, I thought it was making this show. But if we let life unfold a little, the pieces of ourselves we're actually Snoozing will appear right before our eyes. Maybe they'll even rush to us unexpectedly. And in those moments, we get to see who we really are. [water drains from tub]

Megan Tan 41:12

[keys, opens door] Hey, Dad!

Vincent Tan 41:12


Megan Tan 41:12

[dog leash sounds] C'mon, Levi. [kiss, kiss] Let's go.

Megan Tan 41:12

I brought us lunch. [door closes] I'm hungry. Did you eat?

Megan Tan 41:21

I got us a surprise.

Vincent Tan 41:23


Megan Tan 41:24

You gotta look at it.

Megan Tan 41:27

What did you do?

Vincent Tan 41:29

Not much.

Megan Tan 41:30

Not much? Did you pr- Did you practice walking?

Vincent Tan 41:30

Yeah. [music out]

Erick Galindo 41:31

[credits music] If you have something that you've been putting off, call us. 323-591-8159. That's 323-591-8159. Leave us a message. And you could be on an episode of Snooze. Don't put it off. I'm talking to you.

Megan Tan 42:09

Before I tell you what we're doing next, a standing ovation for everyone who made this show possible and everyone who made this episode possible. This episode of Snooze was produced, and sound designed by Kyle Chang, Emma Alabaster and me, Megan Tan. Erick Galindo and I wrote and edited this episode together. Erick also fact-checked this episode. It was mixed and engineered by Donald Paz. Jessica Pilot is our talent producer. Erick Galindo is our showrunner. I am your host. Our producers are Marina PeÒa, Emma Alabaster and Anjuli Sastry Krbechek. Our intern is Bruno Lopez-Vega. Antonia Cereijido and Leo G are the executive producers. Our theme song is by Wayan Dopeman. Andrew Eapen wrote and composed the original music for the show. Additional music was by Emma Alabaster. Seonna Hong created the artwork. Special thanks to Eduardo Perez and Lelia Day. Make sure you hit follow, like, subscribe to Snooze wherever you get your podcasts. You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram @meganleetan and the show @snoozepodcast. Our website on is designed by Andy Cheatwood and the digital and marketing team, who also created our branding. Snooze is a production of LAist Studios. Thanks to the team over there, including Taylor Coffman, Kristen Hayford, Sabir Brara, Kristen Muller, Andy Orozco, Michael Cosentino, and Leo G.

Erick Galindo 43:44

Support for this podcast is made possible by Gordon and Dona Crawford, who believe that quality journalism makes Los Angeles a better place to live. This program is made possible in part by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, a private corporation funded by the American people.

Megan Tan 44:01

If you like Snooze, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Trust me, it really helps us out. And if you love Snooze, like you want to shower us with all the appreciation, become a sustaining member of KPCC and LAist Studios by going to Support the place that supports this work that supports people like me. [music out]

Megan Tan 44:31

Snooze is gonna be taking a break for now, and we'll be back with another season. In the meantime, everyone who worked on this show is going to be working on another show that you already love. Wild- Season Two. [music in] What to expect on the next season of Wild with this guy, Erick Galindo.

Erick Galindo 44:54

What up, what up, what up?

Megan Tan 44:55

What up, what up, what up?

Erick Galindo 44:58

About to get Wild!

Megan Tan 45:01

We're gonna talk about-

Erick Galindo 45:02


Megan Tan 45:03

I got on like, [laughs] the oldest person app ever, which is [laughs] Right?

Erick Galindo 45:11

I, I had a profile once.

Megan Tan 45:13

Did you?

Erick Galindo 45:15

Made it in the middle of a fight with an ex.

Megan Tan 45:17

Oh. [laughs]

Erick Galindo 45:20

Went to sleep in the other room and created a [Megan laughs]

Megan Tan 45:24

If you haven't listened to Season 1, it is beautiful.

Erick Galindo 45:27

Stay tuned wherever you get your podcasts.

Megan Tan 45:31

I'm Megan Tan.

Erick Galindo 45:32

And I'm Erick Galindo.

Megan Tan 45:34

Thanks for listening. [music out]

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