It's 2019. It feels like it's been 2019 for a thousand years. Maybe it has been. We're almost certainly living in a Sisyphean sham, chasing an endless tail winding perpetually around the M.C. Escher corners of the universe. But hey, at least it's Halloween.
During this spooky time, it's always ok to conjure your inner Lydia Deetz for costume excellence. But, if you'd like to walk a new path this year, try infusing your (please for the love of god) not racist costume with a little local flavor.
Dressing like Los Angeles just takes some inspiration. So below, please find a few ideas to get you started on your thrift store pillaging/frantic overnight delivering/big box shame-shopping/slow-fashion atonement.
This guide is BYOV (bring your own variations).
THE BALLERINA CLOWN OF VENICE
Sometimes, dressing up like sad, 30-foot, dancing clown is exactly the right metaphor.
Jonathan Borofsky's 1989 "Ballerina Clown" -- sometimes called Clownerina or nightmare fuel -- is still kicking it, albeit largely figuratively, in Venice. The haunting piece of kinetic public art has been lording over the corner of Rose and Main Street for decades.
Here's how you can put together your own costume homage. It'll be an easy, unsettling choice that will concern your friends for decades. Tell them you did it "My Way."
For this costume you will need:
MOUNTAIN LION P-22
This is a conservation-minded choice for Angelenos who love animals and/or do not have hearts made of twigs.
Rat poison, starvation, fires and freeways have taken P-23, P-55, P-64, P-53, P-30, P-41 and many other intrepid L.A. mountain lions who have traversed a hostile human environment in pursuit of better big cat energy.
P-22 is a Griffith Park squatter, a Hollywood Sign poser, a scenic overlook visitor, a freeway crosser, a mange survivor and a suspected koala killer. His is the quintessential Los Angeles origin story.
Now, it's time to be the cougar you are. And if you want to talk the talk while you strut the costumed strut, feel free to mention that unless our lions get a wildlife crossing to connect with animals in the Simi Hills and Santa Susana Mountains, the Santa Monica Mountain cats will almost certainly become locally extinct due to inbreeding within 50 years. Jello shot?
For this costume you will need:
A PINK'S HOT DOG
The most famous food line in Hollywood! A landmark since 1939! A place you don't go to more than twice if you live here! And yet, it does more than endure, it thrives. Chili dogs never say die. According to the Pink's website, the "hot dog stand serves more than 2,000 hot dogs and 200 hamburgers a day."
With that, here's a costume you don't have to wear.
If the party is at your house, set up a cutout, gather your pals for pics, put your head in the hole, and wear your fanciest pajamas. It's late, after all.
If you intend to be the hot dog life of someone else's party, go method, step into the bun, and take your frankness on the road.
For this costume you will need:
Or both.
Both.
BLADE RUNNER
The future starts on Nov. 1 so you might as well dress like Pris for the occasion.
Sexy robots are like number four on the patriarchy fantasy checklist, so instead of thigh highs and mini tube dresses, the links below are more like a pencil skirt and sensible footwear. It's literally the definition of the least I can do to address thousands of years of men wanting women to be sexy robots.
Besides, you're resourceful. You know where to find slinky garb if you want it. And, if on a possibly cold October night that's the choice you want to make, I 100% salute your sexy moxy.
However, if you own a tan trench coat you could just go as Deckard and call it a day.
For this costume you will need:
AN AVOCADO
This option is for all the bold prangents out there -- you're a sport for even agreeing to stand up. No one is more L.A. than you. You are the mother of Los Angeles.
This costume works well solo or if you want to hang out with someone dressed like toast. Got a group? There's no shortage of toppings to accompany your vision. Sam can be a radish. Alex can be ricotta cheese. Jamie is a peppercorn. Blake's a fried egg.
After you've cut out the shape, use the dark green around the edges, then mix some with yellow for the lighter avo guts. Glue elastic straps to the back for your arms. Cut a circle. P.S., did you know you're botanically a berry?
For this costume you will need:
WALK OF FAME STAR
For this costume you will need:
Bye.
Too easy? Want to get obsessive and wrap yourself in a tangle of battery-operated LED string lights? OK try this.
Or, to level-up on specificity, pick a celebrity. Like Kermit The Frog.
Here's how to turn your celestial customization into the most Muppet-y heavenly bod in Hollywood's sidewalk constellation.
Go forth with your last-minute n' local self, and consume all the praise candy.
