Things that didn't happen here
Hooters Chairman Robert Brooks, who helped steer the franchise from a simple place to have wings served to you by pretty girls into an airline venture and now a hotel/casino, was found dead in his home. He was 69. Stop giggling. - AP
Mental note: Stay away from London on August 5. The home of Big Ben will be holding a Masturbate-a-thon which will be filmed as a documentary and then broadcast in the UK later this year. Since when did we become the prudes of the planet?
Prizes will be on offer for those who clock up the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest - the current record, according to the organisers, is a chafing eight-and-a-half hours. To qualify for the record, the organisers say "at least 55 minutes of every hour shall be spent self-pleasuring by manual or sex toy stimulation" with participants getting just five minutes to "replenish and renew". - Guardian UK, via Metafilter
Anonymous 15-year-old East Germantown, PA, girl after witnessing a failed hold-up of a liquor store, climaxing with the would-be robber accidentally shooting himself in the head and then being bashed repeatedly in the skull with a jar of applesauce by the store owner. - philly.com