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Snakes on a DVD: New DVD Tuesday

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Snakes on a Plane - Was it really only five months ago when something as simple as a crate of ophidians roaming an airplane could soothe the angst of a wounded but mighty nation? It seems like another era, one where every American -- from slick, jaded marketing executive to slick, jaded hipster -- could come together for a single, selfless cause. C'mon… admit it. You fell for it. Just a little bit, right? Like Mulder watching grainy video of an alien autopsy, you wanted to believe. God knows I did.

I loved the hype. I lived the mass hysteria. I reveled in the camp/kitsch irony of a movie so unironic it became ironic then swung back to being unironic again. I happily overlooked the crass marketing attempts to instantly transform Snakes on a Plane into my generation's Poseidon Adventure. I was even willing to tolerate Juliana Margulies' straightened hair. But when it came time to pony up the $13 bucks to motherf***in watch those motherf***in snakes on a plane, I (like millions of Americans) balked.

Now we have a chance to redeem our laziness and lack of dedication. In addition to 106 minutes of snakes terrorizing a planeload of beleaguered passengers, the DVD has extras like Snakes on a Blog, Snakes on a Making-Of Featurette, Snakes on a Gag Reel, Snakes on a Director's Commentary, music videos by Cobra Starship (I thought I was the only one who fantasized about The Detroit Cobras teaming up with Jefferson Starship) and the lost X-rated reptile snuff film, Snakes in a Cockpit.

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As for the movie itself, it delivers what it promises. There are snakes. They are on a plane.

More DVD releases after the jump.

Horror
The Covenant - Teenage descendents of a 17th century coven of witches try to reign in the terror that their movie star good looks and supernatural powers have unleashed. So this is what Renny Harlin has been reduced to.
The Darkroom - Michael Hurst, the director who brought you Mansquito (Best word ever! And yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.) returns with this story of an escapee from a mental institution who sees horrible visions of a beast that slaughters young women.
Silent Scream - No, it's not another salvo in the anti-abortion propaganda war, it's (yet another) horror movie about a group of college students murdered during a weekend retreat.
Spirit Trap - This time a group of college students are murderized (presumably) in a haunted house.
Zombie Nation - German-born director and one of Rainer Werner Fassbinder's closest collaborators Ulli Lommel releases his latest straight-to-DVD reality horror movie. This one's about a cop who's also a serial killer attacked by the his female victims who have become zombies.

Comedy
Beer League - Artie Lange (the Howard Stern sidekick who looks a little like Horatio Sanz but is actually funny) stars as an unemployed slacker trying to lead his softball team to victory.

Horror Comedy
Angst (Germany) - I'm not sure how the phrases "offbeat horror comedy" and "young woman who is repeatedly raped by men" go together in the same sentence, but I bet the Germans have already invented some long-ass word to describe it.
Sheitan (France) - Another European horror comedy (fast overtaking rom com as the comedy subgenre to beat), this time starring Vincent Cassel as a country farmhouse caretaker who mixes with a group of young revelers on Christmas Eve.

Romantic Comedy
Mr. Fix It - Ladykiller David Boreanaz falls in love with one of his targets.

Forbidden Love
Amar Te Duele (Love Hurts) (Mexico) - "Romeo and Juliet" set in the shopping malls, barrios and suburbs of Mexico City.

Martial Arts
The Kumite (aka Star Runner) - (Hong Kong) An aspiring kickboxer falls in love with his language teacher while training for the championship.

Queer
The Longing (Saudade) - Gay Brazilian drama about reunited high school buddies one of whom is hiding a naughty secret.

TV Movies
Love's Abiding Joy - A young pioneer couple start a family on their homestead.
The Librarian: Return To King Solomon's Mines - Librarian-turned-adventurer Flynn Carsen (Noah Wyle) traverses the Middle East and North Africa alongside Bob Newhart, Olympia Dukakis and Jane Curtin in a TV movie directed by Jonathan Frakes AKA Cmdr. William Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Solar Attack - A scientist races to stop a solar flare from destroying the earth.

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Documentary
Egypt: Engineering An Empire - The Egyptian Empire wasn't built in a day, and host Peter Weller explains how and why.
New York Underground: Building the Country's Largest Subway System - This 1997 documentary expounds on how the world's longest electric subway system was built.