The biggest story in the NFL this year has been the ongoing soap opera that continues to play out between Terrell Owens and the Philadelphia Eagles. Things hit rock bottom this week with the team suspending the Pro Bowler after he pissed off just about everyone and anyone that has anything to do with the organization. But LAist would like to take this opportunity to intervene and suggest the perfect solution to his dilemma for all parties involved.
We recommend that the NFL immediately award Los Angeles an expansion franchise for next season, that the Eagles make Owens available in the expansion draft, and that the new LA team make Owens its first pick in the draft and sign him to a big contract. That's right, we want a litte TO to go with all of the T&A we have in this town.
Now, this idea may seem a little ludicrous on the surface, but think about it. TO's larger than life personality would be a perfect fit for Los Angeles - he could be the second coming of Shaq (minus the championships and dreams of becoming a police officer). And what a great way to get the city excited about the return of pro football. The way we see it, the main reason LA has been so apathetic about football up to this point is because the most likely way for the city to get a team has been to take on the New Orleans 'Aints. Can you blame us for not wanting any part of that disaster?
But an expansion franchise that could take the field in year one with a talent and personality as big as TO's...now that is something Angelenos could rally around. Still need convincing? Here's a few more reasons why LA would be quick to embrace the biggest thorn in Eagles coach Andy Reid's considerable backside.
The East Coast Hates Him
The mere fact that an East Coast mecca like Philly has declared TO to be public enemy number one would be reason enough for the Left Coast to embrace him with open arms. Call it reverse East Coast bias if you want, but you just know that West-siiiders would lose their minds when they saw TO suddenly throwing up W hand signs and introducing a new crip-walk touchdown dance.
TO Would Get The Celebrity Posse He Deserves
TO is a star and in LA he would have plenty of other "stars" to run with. In Philly, who can he hang with? Ron Jaworski? Come on, that's not gonna work. But in LA, you just know that TO would be partying all over town with Nicholson and Hefner, "dating" Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, and spending his time on the sidelines during games drawing up plays with Coach Snoop Dogg. If Matt Leinart can hang with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey on a regular basis, just imagine the A-listers that would flock to TO's side.
LA Fans Are Forgiving
So TO complains a lot about his quarterbacks and occassionally hits a teammate in the locker room. Big deal. It's only because he's so passionate and LA understands that once in a while passion can get a little out of hand. The city won't hold it against him. After all, this is a town that cheered on an accused rapist for an entire season and declared OJ innocent. We're clearly willing to look the other way in the name of victory.
The Inevitable Desperate Housewives Cameo
With TO calling Los Angeles home, I expect a slew of television and film appearances to follow. Obviously, he'll have to make a return visit to Wisteria Lane to pick up where he left off with those ladies, but we also can see TO branching out to roles on Entourage (where he dumps agent Drew Rosenhaus to have Turtle represent him instead), Two & a Half Men (where Charlie Sheen becomes insecure with his own playa abilities after TO steals his woman), and of course the requisite appearance in an episode of Blind Date (where TO gets frisky with a "lady" in a hot tub at Splash).
So there you have it - proof that TO and LA are a match made in Hollywood heaven. Tough to imagine how it could possibly go wrong. But if it did, TO and LA could always end up the way most Hollywood relationships do -- with a divorce.