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Men and their Porn - Hide and Seek

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One day I came back from vacation to a stack of bills and paperwork. As I was going through them, I found a video rental receipt with titles like, "C*m on my T*ts."
I held the receipt up to my boyfriend, "Do we need to have a talk?"
"I just don't even know what to say."
"Because I would watch them with you if that's what you want. It's OK."
"No, you were just going out of town for the weekend, and I thought, 'What do you do when your girlfriend goes out of town?', you know."

Then a few months ago, I switched from VCR to DVD and the screen was filled with doggie-style in all of its ass-slapping glory. I asked, "Umm, were you just watching porn?"
He hung his head, "Yeah."
"Because it's OK. You're allowed to watch that. There's no reason to hide it."
"Especially since I seem to be so bad at it."

Now I just literally tripped over "Nice to be Naughty" sticking out from its hiding place under the couch. I am fine with porn. I don't know why guys feel the need to hide it.

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My boyfriend hides his on the shelf in his bedroom closet. My brother kept his under the mattress. My other brother rigged a hidden compartment above his bed. My dad kept his in the bottom drawer (Just like in the Frank Zappa song Dirty Love). Who do they think they're kidding? Who do they think dusts, sweeps and changes the sheets in those rooms?

Maybe that's the thing. Maybe men don't want our permission. Maybe it's that much better if they think we don't know. The sneaking, the hiding, it's all part of the ritual de lo habual. It makes them feel like they're having an illicit affair with Jenna Jamieson.

I just hope my boyfriend never decides to throw an Easter Egg hunt because he would be really, really bad at it.

Picture by Shira Golding via Flickr