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Living In Sin: Good Sex, Bad Frat Boy

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
I'm 22 years old and I can't seem to get over my immature ex. For some reason I can't commit to the fact that he's a loser young frat boy and I need more to my life. Honestly, it's the sex that keeps me attracted to him, and with him having a 19 year old girlfriend now, it's also what keeps him calling me. This has been going on for the past 6 months, and every time I don't talk to him, he just finds someway to lure me back. I want to move on so bad. He's a loser anyway, he abused me, said horrible things to me, and never really cared about what I had to say, yet I can only remember our good times - oh how selective memory haunts me.

What also scares me is that I don't think I will ever find the kind of pleasure that he gives me. It's weird, I've had 5 different partners and he has been the absolute best and he says the same about me. Damn chemistry. I'm pretty much over telling his new girlfriend how much of a loser he is and how much he cheats on her. I want to be me again. Where do I go from here?
- Ewww Frat Boys

Dear Ewww,
Where do you go from here? To the land of caller ID, unanswered phones, blocked emails and slamming your hand in the car door every time you think of him, that's where. You must train the horny squirrels in your brain to knock it off, and make sure that any thoughts of him that do squeak by are the ones that involve him calling you a fat pig with poop for brains. Kay?

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I will say this, however -- you won't be able to give this guy the heave-ho until you really want to. It's like people who get hypnotized to quit smoking when they really don't want to quit, or who try to lose weight when they're more excited by pizza than being able to look down and see their feet. It never works. A few months ago I dragged my ass to yoga class for a solid week even though I just so so so did not feel like doing it. I paid my money, sat on my mat and was surprised to find my hand raised in the air when the instructor asked if anyone had any injuries she should know about. I then heard myself explaining that I'd just gotten the cast off my broken elbow and should really take it easy. I am an adult. I am very busy. I paid for that class with my own money and then lied so I didn't have to participate (my cast came off in December of 2005, but luckily my arm still looks a little fucked up so she bought it). I spent the majority of Yoga Week quietly napping on my mat and conjuring up my best "wincing in pain face" in case she was looking at me whilst half-assing Down Dog. Unbelievable.

You also need not be shocked that someone of such assholian proportions could be such a fantastic lover. Women have been whining about that guy since we first learned how to spread our legs. It's as if The School For Total Pricks is right across the street from the Female Erogenous Zones Research Lab. Luckily, the All Girl's School for I Think I'm a Giant Piece of Crap is just down the road, so everyone involved is having a great time.

Spending your precious time with Mr. Phi Delta Loser is more about you feeling that you don't deserve better than how skilled he is with his tongue. You repeatedly refer to him as a loser, but remember, water seeks its own level. If you didn't think you were such a loser, you'd be out there getting the high hard one from someone who can twizzle your nizzle AND not let the door slam in your face when you're walking behind him. He's out there, trust me, you just have to be ready for him. In the meantime, you need to not worry about the fact that you're not. You're at where you're at. The fact that you realize that this is not the relationship of a lifetime is a good sign.

So what to do? Sometimes you just have to wait to get someone out of your system, but you can help speed up the process. Keep yourself busy, hang out with people who think you're the shizznit, go on dates with nice guys, focus on your many fine points and resist all invitations to talk to him, email him, text him, and especially hang out with him, regardless of how cute you look in your new toga.