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Living In Sin: Don't Fear the Fur

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
I was at a dinner party the other night and the topic turned to sex. I’m a fairly conservative guy and have never really done anything that would be considered kinky (unless you count 69ing as kinky) but was intrigued by some of the things people were talking about.

I was fairly educated on the majority of topics, but had never heard about this business of dressing up like stuffed animals and having sex. I was at once horrified and intrigued and you are the only person I’m telling this to (and even this is difficult). Apparently people dress up in full animal costume, cut holes in the appropriate places and go at it.

Where would I find such a costume? And how on earth do I bring this up to the person I’m dating? I’m single at the moment, but am really hoping to try this out at some point and am sure I’ll scare a prospective partner away. Thanks for your help Jen!
- Feeling Goofy

Dear Goofy,
I was walking on the beach the other day, getting lost in the meditative sound of the waves like the good hippie I am, until all of a sudden I was gripped by panic – what if a sneaker wave comes up and drags me out into the middle of the ocean to my watery death? This happened to a friend of mine, or rather to her little boy, or rather it almost happened…they were walking down the beach, he closer to the water than she, and this massive, solitary wave came out of nowhere and pulled him out to sea. He was miraculously able to latch his skinny little boy arms around a rock and hang on until the waves returned to normal, but it was a mighty close call. And as someone who doesn’t live on the Oregon coast (where there are rocks aplenty to cling to) and who could easily get her ass kicked in an arm wrestle with a six year-old boy, I was suddenly terrified.

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Meanwhile, if I'd never heard of sneaker waves, I wouldn't have known to be frightened. And that's the way it is with about 90% of our fears - we learn about them and then either choose to take them on or choose to focus on something else. We could all walk around freaking out that the earth will get slammed by something huge and hot flying around in space or that our appendixes might burst at any second. There's enough material out there to spend a lifetime doing nothing else. Meanwhile, it's only the quality fears we need to pay attention to, which are the ones our instincts, not our minds, flare up about. That's what instincts are for. It's their job. But the mind is a meddling, insecure, over-achiever that demands we pay attention to it and all it's whoop de doo ideas.

If you were just going along, doing what felt right, natural and made you happy, and didn't know that dressing up like Scooby Doo and doing the wild thing was something to worry about, you'd just do it because it felt good. And none of your instinct alarms would go off. But you were raised in a society that for some reason has decided that all sorts of things that make people happy are bad and should be hidden, ridiculed or not allowed to marry.

As I was poking around the internet looking for some sites to send you to to educate you on your new-found fetish (you are a furrie, btw.) I found a great quote from dear old Dan Savage that made me laugh out loud (as usual):

"As far as we're concerned, there's nothing wrong with getting off on fursuit sex or fucking stuffed animals or anything else that doesn't involve grave bodily harm, real animals, children or Ann Coulter."

There are entire websites, chat rooms, conventions, videos and costumists dedicated to perpetuating a furrie lifestyle, and lots of prospective partners out there who would love you to poke around beneath their furry flaps. Here are a couple I found:,,11000-2007140884,00.html
Life is short. Find your people. Get your gorilla on.