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LAist's Mr. Negative Deciphers CNN/YouTube GOP Debate Answers

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Mr. Negative is tired of watching the GOP candidates pussy-foot around the hardcore questions that YouTube and CNN are dishing. Mr. Negative ain't stupid, he knows what you're really saying.

With immigration reform failing, will I have a job?

Yes, there are still openings at Wal-Mart...but they don't provide health insurance. Actually most corporations are moving towards eliminating all benefits for the working class. But $1.99 tube socks, you just can't fuckin' beat that!

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What measures will you take to tackle the national debt?

Call me old school conservative but I just have to say that there is no deficit that another war can't fix. War begets free oil, funneling oil money into select private interest groups begets wealthier wealthy people, wealthier wealthies begets the trickle down effect, the trickle down effect begets more $1.99 tube socks!

Will you pledge never to raise taxes?

Never say never, Anderson. Unless you are talking about raising taxes in which case I have to say never because to say otherwise would be GOP suicide. But I would look like an absolute tool if I was naive enough say "never," in which case I would opt to never say never again, which was just the dumbest fucking movie ever. I stand firm on that.

Will you pledge to veto amnesty for illegal immigrants?

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I intend to not only veto illegal immigration amnesty, but also rescind all immigration visas since the Reagan era. While I'm at it, I want to take legal resident status away from all Natives, Norse, or Iberian descendants who were here before Columbus crash-landed on this continent. Let's just call it "trimming the fat off of both sides of the pork chop".