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LAist Advice to the Republicans: Go Home, Do Nothing, Punt

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In a secret contest to see which Republican can implode the freakiest, this afternoon's winner is clearly Nevada GOP Congressman Jim Gibbons, who while running (and winning by ten points, if you believe polls) threatened to rape a casino waitress during a drunken "party" at an upscale steak joint. The woman, a cancer survivor who sounds like a younger Courtney Love made three 9-1-1 calls alleging that the Congressman threatened her life.

Close behind is Republican Orange County candidate for Congress, Tan D. Nguyen, who is being accused of sending 14,000 Democratic OC homes letters in Spanish warning: "You are advised that if your residence in this country is illegal or you are an immigrant, voting in a federal election is a crime that could result in jail time." The owner of the Huntington Beach mailing company who sent out the letters says he can't read Spanish and didn't know what it said, and gave the name of the person who ordered the mailers to "investigators". Nguyen, a Vietnamese immigrant who is tough on illegal immigration denies any involvement and the OC GOP office says whoever did it broke the law.

Honorable Mention goes to LA Times columnist and wanna-be ER star Jonah Goldberg who today compared pulling out of Iraq nearly two years after Saddam was captured similar to yanking a knife out of a victim too quickly. "A doctor will warn that if you see a man stabbed in the chest, you shouldn't rush to pull the knife out." Dr. Goldberg clearly aspires to work for an HMO.

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Our advice to the GOP is to call it a weekend. Go home. Go to your families. Do nothing. Look at cartoons for a few days. Read the bible that you claim to love so much. Meditate. Kiss your kids on the cheek. Jog in the woods - alone. You've done enough damage to your party and to others. Take a break Driver 8, it's your only hope.

AP photo by Damian Dovarganes