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HAR! I see ye traffic ahead!

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If you have ever tried to travel the 405 or 5 northward the day before Thanksgiving, or southbound on the Sunday after, just walk -- it's faster. When you drive this weekend, you must think like life on a Hollywood set: hurry up and wait. Except CalTrans has adopted the didactic "leave early and anticipate delays" slogan.

Here are some tips and facts for traveling this weekend:

HAR (Highway Advisory Radio): When in LA, we trust AM radio to give us traffic conditions on the 1 and the 5 every 10 minutes (that's KFWB 980 and KNX 1070). Once out in the boonies, those signs on the road telling you to turn your radio dial to a station can be helpful. It's better to know why you are stuck than be in the dark.

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CHIN (CalTrans Highway Information Network): If it takes two minutes or less to do, do it. So plug this into your cell phone right now. 800-427-7623. Follow the instructions and you'll get up-to-date road conditions.

CMS (Changeable Message Signs): This is nothing new, but now you know what those electronic signs along freeways are called. Nerdy nerd nerd!

WWW (the internets stupid): For those who are brave enough to visit a State of California website and look through its chaotic site navigation, there is information somewhere on DOT's website.

Photo of the 405 by Mick Orlosky via Flickr.