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Happy 25th Anniversary!
There was a time when mankind was befuddled, confused, and lost. There was a time when human nature was stricken with grief, anguish, and misery. But 25 years ago, that all changed. 25 years ago, ESPN saved the day.
Suddenly man discovered the cures for AIDS, cancer, and all other diseases which had harmed individuals on the planet for years. Suddenly, thanks to ESPN, the world was rid of poverty, strife, and hunger. When ESPN came along, oppressive regimes fell, all warfare was permanently hautled, and people of all races, sexes, colors, and creeds joined hand-in-hand and sang tunes of joy and happiness. Thank goodness for ESPN.
Yeah, we're tired of the self-promotion too.