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George Washington Was A Coke Whore

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You know what "history" is? A bunch of stories that may never have happened written by a bunch of people who probably never existed printed in a bunch of books that nobody wants to read.

You all know the sanitized, socially acceptable version of founding father George Washington's life. He chops down some tree, fights some war, becomes the president of some country... blah blah blah. B-O-R-I-N-G. What you probably didn't know about our founding father is how he made love -- like an eagle falling out of the sky. Take that, Ron Jeremy! Here's what else you didn't know. George Washington rode a horse made of crystal, weighed a motherfucking ton, had two sets of testicles and was made of radiation. All these facts (and more!) are elucidated by comic book artist Brad Neely, who proves that all you need are a few rhymes, a drum machine and some line drawings, and you too could reimagine history.