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Food

Far Out Recipe Cards

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What could be better than grotesque pink salmon molds?

When cooking went psychedelic, of course. There was a point where hippies influenced the mainstream style, converging with mom's Valium habit to birth some craaaazy foods. Moms had to show the family they were still groovy, didn't they?

Some of these ideas look like Betty Crocker on acid. Bad acid. The brown acid.

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These cupcakes give me nightmares. Bad Gumby nightmares. Could they make them look any more evil?

The recipe calls for topping each cupcake with a scoop of ice cream - it's a good thing carpets were mostly dark earthtones in those days, because 20 5-year-olds running around with a scoop of ice cream wobbling on top of a soft cupcake spells trouble. Of course, maybe these cupcakes scared you out of eating them at all.

The recipe also calls for the use of silver dragees, mmm, remember how delicious it was to get a mouthful of silver?

There has been call to ban them, especially since they clearly say, "Not for Human Consumption" on the package.

What next? Mercury balls! They jiggle! They roll!

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Festive, no?

Wow. Really - WOW.

Wouldn't this ball just MAKE your next get-together? There is even a Valentine's Day version with a giant arrow made of - green pepper!

Hmm, cream cheese, bleu cheese, sharp cheddar, minced onion, parsley, and Worcestershire sauce (Did everything in the 70s have Worcestershire sauce in it?). Not so bad.

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Until you get to the psychodecorating.

You can do so much with cocktail onions and olives.

They are so versatile.

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Nothing says Christmas like Cheerios!

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How about those cool 70s names? Have you ever met anyone named Cissy? Who was not a character on Family Affair?

That heavy-handed use of green food coloring probably keeps your mouth nice and festive all day.

I wonder if I made baby Jesus out of Rice Krispies if it would be sacrilegeous to eat him?

It would almost be like mass. All the fun of communion without having to try to peel Jesus off of the roof of your mouth for five minutes.

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Alright, now we are talking COLOR.

Hand me a hit and I can watch this cake melt all day.

Lemon chiffon cake mix - I do believe that is a defunct mix nowadays. Add some raspberry, lime, and orange sherbert. Standard ingredients - but it's the way they put them together.

It's magic.

Wow. Straws.

The straw.

The straw.

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Did you know Santa lived in an igloo? Me neither! He seems so contemplative, or rather, resigned.

And when did the US plant their flag at the North Pole? That Neil Armstrong was just running around planting flags everywhere.

It looks like you bake 2 round cakes, then cut them into half-circles, and glue them side-to-side to make the igloo.

It doesn't say how to lure in Santa or fill the sky with groovy stars.

The food stylist was having a little too much fun that day. Or a little too much Christmas cheer.

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Somehow ladybugs get a free pass when it comes to the usual bug-related food ban.

They are cute, like butterflies, instead of freaking people out like the beetles they are.

The giant fly-looking Oreo bug eyes are here to remind you that this is in fact an insect.

And just to make it super-freaky, swathe that thing in iridescent red sugar.

It says to use black shoelace licorice on the shell - on the carapace, you mean. On its delicious exoskeleton.

Mom said I get to eat the antennae this year!

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To Serve Aliens is a cookbook! It's a COOKBOOK!!!

As if the misshapen embryonic dough monsters weren't bad enough, with their beady, little currant eyes and gumdrop antennae.

No, that just wasn't "creative" enough.

They had to mix BREAD with JELL-O.

What the hell is going on in those test kitchens, Betty Crocker? Really? You guys are just laughing until you piss yourselves, aren't you?

Excuse me, I have to return to my planet in this spaceship made from the strongest substance known to man - Jell-o. Poor little fellers. They will never make it through the atmosphere. Or the den.

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If your birthday is on President's day, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry you had to see this.

It's Washington chopping down the cherry tree, right?

Or Lincoln's log cabin? Wait a minute.

Well, it's definitely two cupcakes glued together, and you have to eat them with apple cider.

Washington chopped down an apple tree? Oh well, I guess they don't make cherry cider.

Maybe his teeth were made out of the wood from apple trees.