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Will This Help Get It Up?

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I dated a guy back in my days in Santa Barbara. Let’s call him Paul. We met at a party my friend hosted for an occasion that currently slips my mind. Actually I can’t even remember the exact location of the house.

We were playing this drinking game called Moose. It involved a quarter, an ice cube tray and a pitcher filled with a bit of everything we were drinking and a quarter. He kept on forcing me to drink, and at one point I muttered something stupid like, “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

We both decided to go out for a smoke and instantly hit it off. Next thing I know his tongue was down my throat and we were starting a torrid love affair. Sort of.

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There were times when the sex was absolutely mind blowing. Just looking at him would get me aroused, and we would end up in a big heaping pile of sweat and bones. Then there were the times that looking at him would make me a little queasy. I would ask myself, “I’m dating THAT?!”

Needless to say we didn’t last a month.

I’m sure you’re wondering how this relates to the Dodgers.

The Dodgers this year reminds me of Paul. Sometimes I look at them and get so enamored and think they will win the World Series. Then there are other times they look like absolute chumps.

During the series against the Reds and Cardinals, the Dodgers looked like they finally got their hitting in order. They looked like they could go on all night and call the next day saying they enjoyed the evening.

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But then there's this weekend. Here they go against the Angels, a team much similar to the Dodgers, and lay an absolute goose egg. They managed only four runs in 27 innings while the Angels scored 19 runs. Right now they're going down to TJ to get a bottle of Viagra.

It's not going to get easier for the Blue Crew. Starting Monday they host the Brew Crew at the Ravine for three games. This is the same Brewers that took two of three games against the Dodgers to open the season. This is the same team that will start Jeff Suppan, Ben Sheets and Chris Capuano against the Dodgers. Granted the Brewers have been in a little tailspin losing seven of their last ten games, but the Dodgers have shown that they will wilt against good pitching.

So do I dump the Dodgers like I did Paul all those years ago? I've learned in the eight years since Paul that I need to be more patient like Grady Little with Wilson Betemit. I will stick with the Dodgers hoping they will give me a great night to remember in November. But until then consider me the real bitchy boyfriend.

AP Photo by Mark Avery