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Why Didn't Anyone Tell Us That Pirates Was Poopy?

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
starring Johnny Depp

Here we were expecting this killer summer blockbuster that was supposed to be sooooooooooo much better than Superman Returns -- which it was -- but that wasn't hard to do. Pirates II - two, because that's how many times you'll visit the restroom, it's so long. In truth it was barely "good", and that was only thanks to the amazing special effects.

There's Johnny Depp in his embarrassing gay Keith Richards impersonation; as the CGI takes over, he is pushed to the background. Fascinating how we don't care about Ken and Barbie -- Orlando and Ms. Knightley. They seemed more like brother and sister, and whenever Keira tried to be sexy it was so unconvincing that you understood why she was dressed up as a boy most of the film.

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You walk out feeling like a rube, as the experience gives you the impression that all Pirates II was good for was to take your money for Pirates III.

More bad reviews after the jump...