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Arts and Entertainment

What If... LAist Meditates on the Oscars

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What if... Jennifer Hudson doesn't win? Sometimes the one sure thing turns out not to be the one sure thing. Then who wins? The ten year-old. None of the others are in the running, and I say that thinking that Rinko Kikuchi should win, even though I had tons of problems with Babel. Everyone likes the ten year-old. Don't count out the ten year-old.

What if... Eddie Murphy doesn't win? Then the theory that Academy members got really turned off by the Norbit billboards will be valid. Jackie Earle Haley (this year's Robert Forster) is great, but he wins by getting nominated. Djimon Hounsou has no chance. Why? His big dramatic scene is a copy of the climax of The Naked Gun. Mark Wahlberg has an outside shot, at least partly due to goodwill from the film overall. But I'm going with Alan Arkin. Why? Because he's friggin Alan Arkin. No other explanation necessary. Go watch the sardine liqueur scene from Big Trouble.

What if... Babel wins for Best Editing? Does that mean they have confused it with Most Editing?

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What if... the best Foreign Film wins? That means the winner will be The Lives of Others. (Full disclosure: I didn't see all the nominees. I just really liked The Lives of Others.)

What if... Click wins for makeup? Will we have to say "The Academy Award winning Click?"

What if... Children of Men doesn't win for cinematography? Actually, there's no chance in hell this will happen.

What if... none of the Dreamgirls songs win? Then that would be very cool.

What if... Peter O'Toole wins? How cool would that be? Has anyone actually seen Venus? Is he even going to be there?

What if... the Ennio Morricone tribute begins with Celine Dion tied up on a horse with a noose around her neck? Will Clint Eastwood shoot the rope or not? Will the audience cheer if he doesn't?