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The Lohans And The Hiltons Are Fighting Again

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A war has erupted between the Clan Hilton and the Clan Lohan.

For years, the two clans have enjoyed a relative peace. Our elders weave tales to the young ones about how Clan Lohan and Clan Hilton warred several winters ago, but a stability remained between the two tribes. But then, something happened that the soothsayers failed to predict: Paris' brother Barron, boy prince of the Clan Hilton, was roughed up by someone after he was accused of speaking accursed words toward Lindsay, high priestess of the Clan Lohan.

According to the prideful and hot-headed Barron, Lindsay approved of the beating, shouting, "You talk shit about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get!"

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Paris responded to the attack in a similar manner, beating the drums of war by proclaiming on Instagram, "They both will pay for what they did. No one fucks with my family and gets away with it!!"

A strong and noble battle cry, indeed. High priestess Nicky of the Clan Hilton also alluded to the fight on Twitter:

Meanwhile, the Clan Lohan has denied the incident ever took place. Chief Elder Michael Lohan, wary of the implications of war on his people, has claimed that there is no evidence of the attack against young Barron. Barron, meanwhile, has filed a police report against High Priestess Lindsay.

The peace has been destroyed, and the clairvoyants have predicted a thousand-year blackness upon the land. Our children will look upon this day with great terror.