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How the Citizens of LA Can Survive the Apocalypse

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Earthquakes in China, cyclones in Burma, "The Hills" season finale - these are the end days my friends.

Quadruple Emmy winner Rob Kutner has written for "Dennis Miller Live", "The Daily Show", contributed to America (the Book), and has now issued a compendium of advice, Apocalypse How: Turn the End-Times into the Best of Times!, for how to survive and succeed in the impending apocalypse. An animated overview is on YouTube.

Several scenarios of doom are explored (death by newly sentient iPods??!) as well as survival methods covering everything from food and shelter to the new paradigms of post-apocalyptic dating. Some specific tips for readers of LAist from Kutner (himself an exiled Angeleno) include:

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1. Angelenos are already well-prepared for almost any apocalyptic scenario, thanks to "24." But just to be safe, they should steer clear of Kiefer Sutherland. Actually, that's just good advice in general.

2. Angelenos should have an escape plan to get on the other side of Beverly Hills from whatever disaster occurs, as the blast rays will be reflected off the agents' suits and absorbed by the women's "breasts."

3. Stock up on everything Trader Joe's sells now, as that will be the primary currency after the apocalypse. Yes, we don't know what Chocolate Wasabi Jicama Sticks are either, but they could buy your family a lot of petrol.

Kutner will be signing Apocalypse How tonight at Book Soup in West Hollywood at 7:00pm.