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LAst Night's Action: Prom Queens Galore Between Angels and Tigers

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Detroit Tigers defeat LA Angels 3-2.
Bitch, Please!

Male athletes in the United States have a severe image problem: the image they think they project is nowhere near the actual image they project. Some of them think they’re fashion conscious, edgy or on the vanguard of culture. In reality they are just sad sacks of bad taste, triteness and yawn-inducing blandness.

It’s clear in their raging heterosexuality, they do not have a gay friend to help guide them to make correct personal choices. So I will use this space to be these athletes’ gay best friend who will tell them, “Bitch, please,” when they step out with an unfortunate fashion choice, grooming habit or public relations nightmare.

It would have been nice to be able to discuss what a great pitching duel it was with Tigers’ starter Justin Verlander four outs away from a no-hitter. Unfortunately the actions of a few detracted from it all.

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From what I could tell, Angels’ starter Jered Weaver started to get pissy in the muggy Detroit summer air when Magglio Ordoñez took a long time to break out of the box for his home run trot. Weaver was irritated that Ordoñez was admiring his home run, showing up Weaver in the process. Ordoñez said that since the ball was hooking foul, he wanted to be sure that it was a homer before beginning his trot.

Nevertheless, Weaver was mad at Ordoñez and made sure to express that anger. All of Weaver’s chippiness towards Ordoñez got Carlos Guillen annoyed which set the stage for that seventh inning. Guillen hit a solo home run to right field that was never in doubt, stood for a bit to admire it, jogged down the first baseline and made sure to jeer at Weaver before completing his home run trot.

Home plate umpire Hunter Wendelstadt knew right away things were going to get out of hand and issued a warning to both benches. Weaver nodded towards the Angels’ dugout and on the first pitch to Alex Avila threw at his head. Wendelstadt threw him out of the game, and Weaver went off hurling every expletive towards Guillen and the Detroit dugout.

Bitches, please. Ball players have this antiquated set of “unwritten rules” that run so long it’s hard to know what’s allowed and what’s not. And when you break one of these “rules” ball players suddenly turn into high school prom queens and become very sensitive.

Who knows if Ordoñez was showboating? It’s clear if Weaver didn’t over-react to that, Guillen wouldn’t have been blatant with his celebration in the seventh inning.

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If you’re going to throw a pitch at someone’s head, you better have a better explanation other than, “His teammate hurt my feelings.”

Anyhow, didn’t the Angels break one of those “unwritten rules” when Erick Aybar bunted in the eighth inning during a no-hit bid? I didn’t see Verlander go headhunting afterwards.

So bitches, just step down and grow up.

Arizona Diamondbacks defeat LA Dodgers 6-3. “I don’t think we had a lot of energy out there,” Don Mattingly said after the Dodgers spent over 3 ½ hours scoring three runs on 12 hits. Rookie starter Rubby De La Rosa was out of rhythm during his four-inning outing giving up three runs, but with no offensive support he was on the hook for the loss. Mattingly didn’t speak to the club after the trade deadline but, “I think we better make sure we know where we are going.”

FC Dallas defeat Chivas USA 1-0.

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TONIGHT’S ACTION

LA Dodgers at San Diego Padres. 7:05 p.m. FS Prime Ticket, AM 790 KABC.